I'm a bad boy!

I am a miserable cuss of a son. My mom has become a hoarder and I can't take it anymore so I'm going back home. She refuses to clean her house and gets upset when anyone else does. I bought this house for us to share but then moved out but returned to recooperate following surgery. Now I think I have to leave again cause I just can't stand it. Am I a bad son? I've suggested, asked and attempted to humiliate her into therapy to no avail. That wall is tougher then my head so... I will just leave her to her hoarding.

I'm so sorry, Jaiart. It's so hard when it's an adult and even harder when it's your mom. Take care of yourself and perhaps research some intervention options.

--gina

 

If she doesn't want help, you can't make her take it. You know yourself that we never change because someone else wants us to, only because we want to. Take care of yourself.

No, you are not a bad son.

No, humiliation will NOT work, and if anything will only make things worse by destroying your relationship with her.

If her home is really bad, you could try getting adult protective services involved. Or the fire dept., or some other city agency with the power to order her to get the place cleaned up enough for safety. But even that doesn't always work.

This is a tough problem, as there is something seriously wrong with your mom and she needs psychiatric help which she is unwilling to get, or which she may not believe she needs. All you can do is take care of yourself, because not taking care of yourself isn't going to help your mother.

Larra

You cannot change her.  As to compare with WLS, you cannot help someone unless they want help themselves!  Don't beat yourself up, focus on you and your life. Don't even go their with humilation.  It's not going to work either.  Just hurt!

 

 

 

Thanks for all the good advice, I appreciate it. The only sticky point is that I actually own the house and I don't want it ruled a hazard and deemed unfit for human habitation and demolished. Maybe I should just walk away from it, I mean she's 70 years old and in poor health. So that situation may resolve it's self soon, GOD forbid. I will just move back home and let it be for now.

This is YOUR house and you are kind enough to let your mother live in it. She should not be causing harm to your property. Have you thought about helping her look for another place -- something like senior housing? This is not a situation that will get better on it's own.

For various and multiple reasons I will never do that unless there is just no other option and she is a danger to herself or others. I mean clinically diagnosed that way. I would rather lose the house. We are all each other have left so to speak. Of our immediate family we are the only 2 remaining, so I won't even consider that.

Some times you have to choose your battles and right now you have taken on the commitment of the DS I would focus on your health and distance yourself from the hoarding.  Sadly hoarding is just like any unhealthy behavior such as us eating our feelings instead of dealing with them and not needing the DS.  I think you are a good son to provide a roof over her head.  Please do not be hard on yourself.