Marriage After Surgery

Please do not equate WLS and losing weight with cheating on your husband and marriage problems.  After reading your post it seems like there must have been issues there prior to your WLS.  It sounds like you have some self-esteem issues that you need to address.

Your husband sounds like a wonderful man who stood by you, but there must have been some issues that the WL brought out.  Counselling is a good idea, if you truly love this man you owe it to him to try and repair the damage you've done.  If not and you want freedom then you owe it to him (and yourself) to cut him loose.  

I am 3 years out and I was an still am married to a wonderful man who has always been there right next to me, before and after surgery.  I have been with this man for over 30 years and the surgery has made us stronger.  We are able to share things together that we weren't able to before.  We did separate for a few years at one point (long before surgery) and that time apart made me really see what a wonderful man he is and lucky I was.  It's slim pickins out there!  When we got back together we both vowed not to take each other for granted again.  Its work, but worth it.

You need to sit down and do some real soul searching, no one else can tell you what you want.  Just be careful what you wish for, you may just get it!

I thank God everyday, I am pretty blessed.

Good luck to you.

first your honesty about what has happened, forgive yourself but take responsibility what you have done to your husband and children, you are human, but you have to understand why you did this in order to go forward and not do this again,  this is not about your husband, this is about you, there is something missing in you that you needed to seek outside your marriage.  I don't approve of cheating under any cir****tances, none,  but you made a mistake, unless you are still in the fog of the affair,  you say your husband is wonderful, you have 4 children, are you willing to throw that all away, cause you may just have.  you are a stay at home mom, what will you do if you husband says one day i have had enough?  seek counseling on what is missing, apologize to your husband, dont lie to him, make sure you are ready to go back before you do, know why you had an affair, or you will have another one. 

You know it is common to have relationship issues after WLS.  Please seek counseling both couples and individually yourself so you can sort it all out. Your honesty about it is refreshing. Many people have the same issues but never talk about it.

As Dr M had said I can change your body but I can't change your head. There is so much wrapped up with our bodies and the way we see ourselves, the way others view us.. the discrimination and low self worth etc. Its a huge deal.

Cheating happens for many reasons .. it sounds like (from your snippet) you got a taste of the life you might have had had it not been for the excess weight. Val is right about making sure this does not morph into something worse (I've seen a lot of drinking issues over the years). 

With a counselor sort out what you want and what you need. Be prepared.. counseling is rough and brings up a lot of long buried feelings. It is worth the pain in the end but it is painful and emotionally draining. We did counseling (for a different reason) and it made things my sweetheart did/said make sense to me and get past some crap. We understand each other better now. It took about a year but was well worth it.

Good Luck!!

Thanks so much.  We are in couples counseling, and I am in individual counseling.