Eating Disorder Loooong

Having been around here for a few years, I've seen many posts by DSers saying how they had lost beyond 100% of their EWL.  I was always always upset with myself not having done that.  I admit I was a bit jealous.

I decided I simply had to get down to a 18.5 BMI where I would be safe.  Not underweight and I would have a little room in case I gained a couple pounds.

As some of you know I became an alcoholic/addict over the past few years since my surgery.  I also have very bad self-harm issues. 

Being on the secret DS drunks and addicts board on facebook led me into rehab.  Thanks everyone there for the nudges.  I can't access that from here because they have net nanny on the computers.

During my stay here I have lost a looot of weight.  I've had an ED since I was about 10 either restricting food from myself or purging if I did happen to eat anything.  I continued to do this after my surgery and do to this day.

While here I hid it for quite a while until someone heard me puking.  Of course, I denied everything, but the pdoc was having none of that.  So I was seen by the ED pdoc and diagnosed.  (I had been 20 years ago, but decided to ignore it.) I tried to ignore it here as well.

The nutritionist came and gave me a 1,000 calorie a day meal plan which I promptly threw away.  I continued to starve or purge the next couple weeks.  Yesterday I was in session with my pdoc and was basically told this weekend was a test and if I didn't eat exactly everything on the plan I was out of here and on the hospital ward for ED patients being watched like a hawk.  I DO NOT want that.

I got weighed on Friday and again on Saturday morning and had lost 8/10 of a pound.  I'm down do a 23.8 BMI.  I have now, for the past two days, eaten everything prescribed, haven't purged and I feel like a huge fat ass.  I'd like to cry over this.

They have been pulling labs on me every four days and my numbers are sliding, especially my potassium. 

On an intellectual level I know I will die if I don't stop but on an emotional one I don't want to stop.  So much has happened to me in the past two months it would take me ten posts to fit it all in.

I am using the computer at rehab to post this so if I don't get back on for a day or so to read your posts forgive me.  Also, for this post being so long.

Kelly

 This took a lot of courage to post, Kelly, and I applaud you for it.  I hope this is a giant step to a life of comfortable normalcy for you, my dear.

You say your numbers are sliding. That is worrisome as it is so hard to build them back up again. Does the hospital give you your total supplementation of vitamins and a protein diet If not they could be doing you some harm and you need to give them the correct information for working with a DS patient. At 1000 calories, you should be losing weight way too fast. that is not enough calories for a dser. I am sure you know all this but do your doctors?

Thanks both of you.  I am getting A,D,E,B12 but nothing else.  They don't have me on a high protein diet at all.  I've explained and explained to them to no avail.  Even showed them a diagram and asked that they visit DSFacts.com.  I'll have to wait to worry about it when I get home.

Kaffy, I'm glad you're getting help with your eating issues, but sorry the help isn't taking the DS into account.

What we've seen with other people is that if the protein levels are bad, everything else goes downhill, even if you are supplementing everything else appropriately. See if they won't at least let you use some protein shakes or other forms of protein supplementation. As Gail said, it's so much harder to get those levels back up once they go bad than it is to keep them good in the first place.

Also, I can't see any reason why you couldn't be taking calcium citrate while you're there. D is good, but without calcium supplementation, you will leach calcium out of your bones - not good! And again, it's harder to catch up than to do it right all along.

I wish you the best in dealing with your very serious eating and other issues, and hope that you get the help you need.

Larra

Thanks, larra.  Ya know, I hadn't thought about the calcium at all.  I've been working on my addictions and what not so hard here some days I can't keep everything straight.

I've filed papers while here to leave my husband of thirty years.  They are quite helpful in getting drivers to take us off grounds if something is important, such as to Dr. or attorney visits.

My family is furious with me for doing this.  However, with three other active addicts in my home I can't go back there or I'll relapse for sure.  I did within 24 hours of getting out of detox in June.

My sons are so angry, especially the youngest one, that they actually drained the checking account of all money and I was unable to refill the 16 prescriptions I need.  Luckily, my therapist here found a charity to pay for them for this month.  The youngest has called me calling me names and such so much I had to cancel the releases for them to get any info about me or to even call here.  It was just too upsetting and took me out of my recovery work.

 

Kelly-

Bless you for posting. 

Now, I'm not calling you crazy...you have an eating disorder..sounds like bulemia. but, nevertheless, this is why the psych eval portion of the pre-op phase is so important, as well as a good support group post-op, where you can be honest, and members are willing to help you.

If your levels are falling the way they are, there should be some discussion going on about infusions with your doctor.  I just got done with a month's worth of calcium, multivite and iron infusions, plus a Reclast infusion to try to  stop osteopenia and correct some very bad deficiencies.

I shall pray for your swift recovery. 

Jazzy:  Thanks for the advice.  I did have a psych eval done before my surgery.  I was really honest about everything.  Of course, at the time I didn't feel I had an eating disorder of any kind.  It took me a while after being diagnosed here to actually come to terms with it.  As I said before, years ago I was diagnosed with an ED and just blew it off.

I'm going to try to explain all the DS stuff again to my Dr. but I doubt it will do any good.

Kelly

Kaffy-

If your PCP won't listen, then you need to find one who will. Your life depends on it.

My PCP had no knowledge of the DS prior to my decision to have it. Gastric Bypass was all she knew. I am blessed that I have a doctor who allowed me to educate her pre-op, and continues to do so post-op. In fact, if I have an appointment and her med students are there, she will have me talk to them about my surgery. Take pictures and articles about the surgery to your doctor.

That said, arm yourself with knowledge, check out Vitalady's site, and order her program for deficiencies. You might be able to turn this thing around if you are diligent about it.

I got into nutritional trouble due to the major life event of my Mom declining and passing. Life happens. But you *must* take care of your newly established nutritional needs.

The DS is not as forgiving as the gastric bypass, nutritionally speaking, so you've got to at least be hitting 95% in terms of your program in order to stay healthy.

That said, you cannot continue with bulemia and have a DS. There may be other issues that are keeping you there besides weight issues. I hope you are working with someone who specializes in eating disorders.

By the way...get some Whey Protein Isolate - unflavored, a few extracts that you like, artificial sweetener of choice, a blender bottle, and make your own with milk and heavy cream. Hopsital shakes are full of carbs with very little protein, unless you're on a bariatric unit.