Dream over.

i did very well in college the first time around.  Mind you, i wasn't magna or summ *** laude,,, but i wasn't a "thank you laude", either!

If I could find a way to use my current degree (don't tell me sales, been there, done that, and i hate it!) for a communications position that doesn't have a lot of physical activity, i would.

Keep applying for Communications positions. You sound like you have the perfect background. I work as a Communications Representative for a big defense company. There are many positions are there for Comms Reps. Not sure if you are willing to relocate as I know many people that I work with have relocated for the position. You have the degree and the background for this type of work - if it's what you are truly interested in then pursue it.

listen. I know you're in a bad place at the moment, but it doesn't mean that you will 'never' be able to work again. Use what you have now and build from it. Just because you aren't able to fulfill one dream, doesn't mean that it's the end of ALL your dreams.

Take a break from thinking and beating up on yourself. It's non productive. Your weightloss was not in vain. It friggin' gives you another chance at life. We can't always get what we want, but it doesn't mean to stop trying to at least get something.

There are days I wondered what the purpose of all those operations I had to get where I am today, weight, health and mental state combined. No, I never got to goal, but I did lose enough to get my knees taken care of, something I could never have done at 412+lbs.

Dreams, desires and life takes time. Give it time and just don't give up, re-group, re-arrange and re-direct your dreams in another direction. You can do it.

What do the marines say, "Improvise, Modify, Adapt, Overcome".

Another chance at the kind of life i'm living now?  i was trying to improve my life choices by having the DS,  That hasn't happened.  i knew that my SMO was keeping me from getting the kinds of jobs i wanted.  Unfortunately, being fat is perceived as being lazy, stupid, unsanitary, you know all the things that are said about fat people. And with lupus and fibro in the mix, that just makes for pure misery!
 
i think some people are put on this earth to sufferconstant hardship and despair, to be the fire hydrant that life sniffs out and lifts its leg on. 
 

I'm not sure what kind of sick person would feel glee at this post. I sure don't.

I am sorry for this frustration and despair you are feeling right now. To tell you that you should take a deep breath and regroup sounds a bit trite, but it's all I got.

On our darkest days, we hear the darkest voices that tell us the darkest thoughts. Today is one of those days for you. Those voices are wrong. You are not stupid. You are not useless. You are not worthless.

Roll around in the pity party mud for a little while, enjoy it. Then figure out what you want to do next. I'm guessing you can expend a lot of energy fighting for a special exception to the retake of the A&P class. Only you can decide if that is worth it. Or figure out your next dream. That's one of the good things about life--we can have lots of dreams.

I hope you do not die in your sleep. I hope you wake up tomorrow and see some light.

Nicolle

Already been there, done that.  The first time around, I dropped a day after the deadline, and they wouldn't change that, so even though I only sat in the class for two weeks, It counts as a taken class.  They have a policy that you can only repeat a class once, so actually, the *first* time I took the whole class was counted as my retake.  I had to get permisson from the Dean to retake it this time, so they won't do it again.

I'm sorry the class isn't working out for you...but when you pull yourself out of this pool of self-pity, you'll see that all is not lost. You have already accomplished so much! You have lost a huge amount of weight, which can only improve your health. THAT was the "whole point" of your surgery, not passing a class. You are in school, working to improve yourself and to get into a field where you would help others. You are NOT worthless just because you can't, or at least haven't yet, achieved this one particular dream. Sometimes our first dream doesn't work out. You can keep trying, or you can dream a different dream. There are many avenues open to you, you just aren't seeing them right now because of depression.
     Get help for the depression. Just because the counselors haven't met anyone exactly like you before doesn't mean they can't help you. Depression is common and any psychologist, psychiatrist, or other therapist sees depression all the time. They can help. Good meds can help. Get that help, get the cloud of depression lifted off of you and you'll see that life is still good, that you ARE a worthwhile person, and that there are other possibilities for you.
    And anyone who feels glee over your post needs help more than you do.

Larra

You've got some wonderful responses - in particular one from someone who was wheelchair bound and whose life was threatened - funny how you chose not to respond to that very heartfelt positive post.  It is because you are in a zone - a zone where energy is red and outcomes are black.

Sometimes we need to get over ourselves before we can move forward.

You need to shake it off BECAUSE you've come such a long way baby.

Remember there are many windows and doors.  Do not fall victim to yourself.  There is much to do!  Each breath is a blessing