Emotionally dealing with the DS

 This is something I read extensively about on the boards.  I thought I was prepared for what I'm going through but damn I didn't think it would feel like this....  Although everything so far as been positive, having my DS is just as emotional as the birth of my son was.  I feel like I'm on a roller coaster some days.  My shrink doesn't mind, it just means she gets to see me more :)

For the newbies and pre-ops these are things I'm dealing with right now that I thank goodness I have a shrink for.  Although I would deal with these issues ten fold to feel as great as I do they are worth repeating so that you are aware that even the tiniest things can really make you feel ways you never thought before.  I thought I would post this because these are things that although talked about it never hurts to add it to your list of things to think about before the amazing life change you are about to go through.  

Getting rid of old comfortable clothes is scary and emotionally draining.  I cried for days because they were a comfort for me.  It felt good to donate them to a woman's abuse shelter and know that people really needed them would get good use out of them but it still didn't change the loss I felt.

Getting used to compliments from people on how I look is crazy for me.  I think it's because for once in my life I know those comments are sincere.  I'm not used to all the attention.  I never thought this would bother me but I find that most of my day is spent blushing now.  I'm finally learning how to respond to them.  No matter how I learn to respond though every compliment makes me feel uneasy and a little uncomfortable.

Watching my wife struggle with my weight loss and how its effecting her emotionally is hard for me.  She also sees a therapist and I'm glad she does.  She is also trying to lose weight with the hopes of a DS in a year or so and since her weight loss right now is so much slower than mine I know it can be frustrating.  She is also having a hard time dealing with all the attention I'm getting.  It's not hurting our relationship but I'm terrified that one day it might.  

Walking past mirrors is a totally different experience now.  I don't recognize the person I see.  Taking pictures?  Forget it.  I could stare at my new pictures forever.  I never thought I would be like this.  I used to avoid pictures and mirrors.  The fact that now I can't get enough of them took up a whole hour long session with my shrink.

Shopping is difficult.  Right now the only clothes shopping I'm doing is at Goodwill and through the generous donations from friends and family.  Even still I feel like I'm fashionably stupid.  It's almost like I forgot how to dress.  This really really bothers me.  Last time I went to Goodwill I stood in the middle of the isle with an arm load of clothes and cried because I didn't know what to pick.  Thank goodness for the awesome sales girl who let me model for her.

Oddly enough the extra skin I'm seeing doesn't bother me too much.  Well except when I put on jeans and my muffin top blossoms (it literally makes me lol).  Right now I have fun with my butterfly wings but I dread the day when my skin starts to bother me.  I'm starting to plan now for plastics, even if it is years down the line I want to start saving my pennies now so I don't have to wait for it once it's time.  I'm bothered by this because I NEVER would of have put so much effort into what I look like let alone this much money.

I have shared my DS publicly.  My family and friends all know and so far I have only had one negative reaction.  I'm sure I'm in store for plenty more naysayers but for me this was a good choice.  Not everyone feels comfortable doing this, I understand their reasons why.  One downside I've had so far about sharing is that at every family function I've been to this far it is the main topic of conversation.  Yes, I love talking about my DS to anyone who will listen but it's far from the politics and religion we could be sharing over the dinner table.  The support I've gotten from family and friends because of my sharing is amazing but I feel weird about it.  Sometimes the attention really bothers me.  Even though it bothers me I wouldn't change a thing about my decision because I'm watching how it's changing how other people around me are eating and its really amazing.  It seems to have brought my family closer and helped them get healthier.

All that being said I LOVE my DS.  I wouldn't change a thing.  I'm excited and still giddy as a school girl.  If this is what 4 months post op brings I can't wait to see what 4 years out is going to bring.


EDITED: Because spell check is just as dysfunctional as I am :)

I just want to give you a hug. I know that's probably dumb, but here ya go (((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))

 Hugs are never dumb :)

im only 11 days out and the emotional side is nothing ive expected so far. Im def a moody girl, i PMS hard but with the DS its a whole different world...ive cried at least 20 times in the last 2 days and i never cry!

I cant even imagine how bad its gonna be when things get more serious!

Im in therapy and so is hubs. I think it should be a requirement to get the DS...too much happens in such a short time for even the most stable to deal with!

Great job on your journey so far!!!

I do know some post ops who have gotten by without therapy but for the majority I think having a healthy relationship with a therapist is a good idea.  It's the little things that throw you for a loop more than anything else.  It's not all bad either.  Just emotional :)

Thank you for the compliment :)  I know there will be a point in time when I don't feel quite this awesome but for now all I can do is relish in the awesomeness that is my DS!  :)

We go through so many changes with weight loss and body shifts, and the mind doesn't always shift at the same speed. It's been 8 years since my rny, and I still have days where I see the old me. I pulled up pictures the other day and sat there, fascinated, not knowing how to react. Part of me doesn't remember what it was like to live in that body, but part of me still identifies with it.

I didn't get rid of my last 26/28 outfit until this year. Scary.

I have a great therapist who has helped with body image as well as other issues. I'm glad I found her when I did, because my life was crashing. I was in a ****ty job situation, I was living with the miserable aftereffects of my rny (constant puking for all those years), and I had a lot of sexual trauma in my past. If I didn't have that particular therapist I don't think I would have made it through the way that I did. I had a very, very hard time handling the attention post-weight loss. My primary relationship changed on a lot of levels, and yes, it was scary, but it was also liberating to finally unearth some of the underlying problems.

I'm very open about my surgery, to the point where I put together a presentation on wls to present at my library. I don't care who knows, if they are negative about it, it's their problem and doesn't affect me.

So, yeah, I can definitely identify with a lot of what you're going through, and I'm glad to see you're handling it well and paying it forward.

 Thank you :)

A good therapist is worth their weight in gold and then some.  

Ya know a lot of people told me to keep a pair of my pre-op pants for comparison.... I couldn't bring myself to keep any.  It was either all or nothing.  Half of me wishes I kept them but the other half felt like I was hanging on too hard.  It did take a lot for me to actually get rid of what I had though.  Once I did and I cried it out and of course therapied it out I felt like a new person. :)

Great post!  I can relate to almost everything you are feeling!  I am about 18 months out and am still amazed every time I look in a mirror.  I turn side way and am stunned (I look a lot thinner with clothes on... scary without!) 

I look at before and after pics and just shake my head.  I can't believe I was that big.  I feel sorry for that person.  She was so sad and not living life like she was intended to. 

GOODWILL, Salvation Army, Volunteers of America stores are my haven!  I am amazed at the quality of clothes I get there:  Bill Blass, Calvin Klein, Gloria Vanderbilt, Christopher Banks, Macy's, Lee...  I have gotten 90% of my wardrobe there.  The savings is amazing.  I teach and share my great finds with my high school students!  One class asks me everyday what I have on from Goodwill (it's usually top and bottom for less than $10!  Woot Woot!

I too am clothing challenged.  I don't know what looks good together.  I seriously need help! 

Thanks again for the post!  Blessings on your wonderful trip you are on!  It's a BLAST!

There was a DS Expo at Dr Kemmeter's office a couple of months back. They had an image consultant do a presentation and she was absolutely wonderful. Maybe you can find one in your local area to help get your fashion identity together. 

I like the show Project Runway and absolutely adore Tim Gunn. My daughter and I bought his book, Tim Gunn: A Guide to Quality, Taste and Style. Since reading it I no longer leave the house in sweats and a tee shirt to go to the grocery store. I wore those things when I was heavier and couldn't find things that fit me and looked good. 

I love Goodwill. A friend from work and I often refer to it as Goods & William when discussing where we bought a new outfit.

 You're welcome and Thank you!

I LOVE Goodwill!  At this point in my weightloss I can't see spending a bunch of money for clothes I'll only wear for a short time.  I go to Goodwill with 20 bucks and walk out with 2 1/2 outfits.  Black Friday at Walmart can't even beat that lol