"Emaciated" they say.... (just venting)

I'm just venting here.

My in-laws, while they were supportive, did state their objection to my decision to have the DS. They made their peace, and never mentioned it ever again- sort of...

Four months ago MIL stated that she didn't want me to loose any more weight (I was appx 70lbs down at the time, still on the knife edge between "obese" and "morbidly obese"). I explained that I didn't opt for surgery in order to remain morbidly obese, and that I intended to ride my DS down to a healthy, normal BMI. After that I stopped talking about the DS and weight loss with her, even though I'm happier than a pig in **** about it. This seemed to work and things were quiet for a while.

Now that I'm approaching goal, I'm starting to hear noises from the in-laws that I'm already "too skinny" and "emaciated", and quite frankly it's starting to make me wonder if I'm headed for more antagonism since I'm not done losing yet.

It is also beginning to **** me off a little bit.

Yesterday hubs and I picked up my FIL to take him out to lunch, I got out of the car at the restaruant and he explaimed  "Holy **** you're ******g emaciated!". At 187, I'm far from "emaciated", and while the weight loss has slowed down dramatically I'm losing around 3-4lbs a month now, my MIL says that's "WAY TOOOOOOO MUCH!!! OMG!!!".

Umm, what?

Since when is 3-4 pounds per month too much? Several months ago when I dropped a minimum of 20lbs a month I can understand someone being shocked about that, but 3-4lbs? It makes me wonder if she's fishing for excuses to criticize just because she wants to and not out of real concern...

Now these comments about being skeletal are being injected into the conversation even though I'm going out of my way to avoid talking about my weight, surgery or related topics.

I think I might start to lie to them, tell them my weight is stabilizing, and see if that gets them off my back. The problem is that Hubs would have to be on board, and he doesn't like lying to his family.

 Ah they are in shock, that you have done well. They are used to seeing you obese. It takes family eyes time to catch-up, just like it takes time for our eyes to catch-up. 

How are your labs ? If they are good, I think I would just say, labs are great, doc approves and I am healthy. Sorry it bothers  you, but I feel GREAT. I will let you know when I am normal. You might want to mention there is some regain with some people, so tell them to sit tight and all is a-okay !  

Are they overweight at all ? Are they jealous possibly ?

Yeah I suspect a bit of shock, but I also suspect that they're fishing for ammo to reiterate that they felt the DS was a mistake in the first place.

Labs are good, no deficiencies, nothing trending downward so far. They're up to date and I've mentioned the weight bounce a few times in the past to reassure them.

My FIL has a normal metabolism, lucky *******! But my MIL is obese with PCOS (as am I).

What has me scratching my head is that my MIL ought to be the one to best understand my motives and the health situation, but she doesn't seem to *want* to. She has this archaic "this is the way god wants you to be..." philosophy that I want to kick down the stairs and beat into the stone age. Yeah, so if I get cancer, should I embrace the cancer that god gave me too? It's so dumb and defeatist that it makes me sick.

She has struggled with her weight all her life even though she doesn't over-eat or have a bad diet. She had a VERY difficult time getting pregnant, then developed gestational diabetes followed by a premature birth- they nearly lost my hubs when he was a premie. Welcome to the world of PCOS.

Since I have PCOS and was much heavier than her, you'd think she'd be in agreement that the DS was a good move- but no. To her being jabba-the-hutt fat with a full-blown case of PCOS is better than having a DS to get down to normal weight and reduce the PCOS symptoms and encourage a healthy pregnancy and baby. What gives? I almost- almost- said something when she was chatting about looking forward to grandchildren...

Sorry ~ that attitude sux.. I guess with knowing more I would blow her off. Say Mom Labs are normal and I getting healthy. Thanks for the support. and move on. Some people are so set in their ways, it takes lots of time for them to get it !

Thanks. Her point of view really has me stumped. I'll give them some time to get used to the new body size and hope that resolves things.

Luckily I only see them once every other month.

The only person you can change is yourself.  Looking for responses that will change her or her thought processes is unrealistic.

Keep on working on YOUR health.  Someone really smart told me once that what other people think of me is none of my business.  I try to remember that one.

~Becky

 Your MIL sounds a wee bit jealous to me. If she has struggled with the same issues you have and now you are getting them sorted out and she hasn't been able to then she might be feeling inadequate. Especially if she is standing by her pronouncement that 'this is the way God wants you to be'. I'm a Christian and I feel very strongly that God led me to the DS so that I can get my life back under control to be a more effective advocate for Him. IT sounds like her insecurities talking to me. I'm sorry you have to deal with that  :(

Luckily I've ruled out jealousy. They are just fishing for evidence to say "I told you the DS was a bad idea", whether they're doing it out of shock or doing it because they are still reluctant to bless the DS is a bit of a toss up (but I'm leaning towards blaming shock). My MIL is a bit heavy but she's not SMO and not the jealous type. She's active and likes the way she looks, nothing in her life is currently being effected by her weight- which is all great, I'm happy that she's happy.

"Thank you for your concern, but my doctor and I are very happy with my progress." No further comment should be responded to.

Some people just don't know how to put a clutch on their mouths and the darned thing engages without the brain being attached.

Yeah, if they continue to doom and gloom I'm probably going to shut down the conversation like that. I hope this is just part of their adjustment period and not a permanent thing.