Do the insecurities ever go away?

 So . . . its been a while, huh?  The combination of college and two jobs has stolen me away from any time that I would have devoted to being here . . . but now, like so many other people, I find myself with a question that has drawn me back.

Does the insecurity ever go away?

I had surgery almost two years ago.  I feel fantastic and am in a size eight for the first time . . . quite literally ever.  I've been maintaining for the past year with no problem.  Sadly, however, I can't seem to accept my triumphs.  I find that despite being healthy and thinner, I somehow don't feel like I've beaten the obesity . . . In fact, I think my insecurities may have gotten worse since the weight loss.  My scewed mental image results in me still seeing the 307lb me in the mirror, while everything else makes me see the excess skin.

lol . . . to be honest I think I know what I can expect from this post.  Hell, even I tell me to grow up and get over it . . . I'm just wondering if anyone else has had this unchangeable mindset and how they battled it.  I'm particularly interested in the battles that were won without the use of therapy seeing how 2 years and 3 therapists later I still have this unresolved.  Perhaps I'm just screwy 0.~ But then again . . . anyone who used to know me on here can attest to the fact that I may well not be quite right in the head.

Anyways . . . hi again guys and I hope life's been great for all of you

Well, here's the thing. It isn't only fat people who have messed up body image. The vast majority of people, especially women, have messed up body image. Our culture is not exactly friendly to bodies who deviate from the norm, kwim? The level of photoshopping that goes on these days to make every magazine shoved in our face ten thousand times a day is astonishing. Even the plus-sized models are airbrushed and nipped like crazy. I don't know if learning more about that would help you accept yourself more the way you are, but you sure have accomplished so much! I have never seen you in person but in your avatar, you are positively adorable.

FWIW I don't think you are just screwy at all. You're totally normal for our messed up culture that places a huge emphasis on totally unattainable concepts of "beauty." But you are already beautiful, you just need to realize it. It won't happen all at once, it's a process!

Here's just one example, gorgeous Kim Kardashian. Gorgeous but not gorgeous *enough*, for whoever photoshopped her for this particular picture, seriously!
http://www.popcrunch.com/kim-kardashian-photoshop-controversy-so-whati-have-a-little-cellulite/

I am just guessing here but from what I have experienced so far I think it takes quite a but of time to adjust to the new person you have morphed into. And I think it might help to do some mirror time really checking yourself out and getting used to seeing yourself and also perhaps trying on different clothes than you might ever have pictured yourself in. I think I was in such denial about being as big as I was that it didnt bother me a lot to be heavy as I still dressed well and was pretty & wore makeup, etc etc.
 
I did tho shock myself seeing such smaller hips in the mirror so far with 90 pounds off in the last 10 months. My doctor told me today I was now just overweight not obese and I am still stunned as I don't temember ever hearing that before! Anyway I think it takes time and possibly some work to focus on the new you!

You arent afraid you are going to gain it back are you? I might be more that kind of insecure for a few years  . .

New Ulm is pretty close to where I grew up in St.Peter and where I went to college Mankato. Small world!

Nice to see you post!

Wow, you and I had our DS's around the same time, and similar experiences.  I'm also size 6/8 and have been for awhile now. 

I can relate 100% to what you're saying.  I can tell you plastics didnt help, I've had them.  Oh, they CERTAINLY helped with the excess skin, and I"m happy with the results - but what I mean is that they didn't help make me feel like a thin person. 

I saw someone that I work with a few weeks ago, and this lady is "the blonde bombshell" of our office.  She has a killer body.  She told me I was thinner than her, and I didnt believe it.  We were in the lunchroom, and had me stand directly in front of her as we both faced our reflection in the microwave.  She pointed out and made me see that I could see her body from the back around both sides of me, proving I am smaller.  It blew my mind.

I have to remember to be careful with what I say about my body now.  A friend of mine pointned out to me that I had become an annoying skinny ***** complaining about losing the last 5 pounds all the time.  She reminded me that when I was heavier how ridiculous I thought those skinny *****es sounded, and yet here I am saying the same thing.

I think the difference is that I dont see myself that way.  I actually had an arguement with my husband about this.  He accused me of constantly fishing for compliments from people, and his reason was that whenever someone complimented me, I brushed it off and put myself down.  I explained to him that I thought it was HIS perception of me that changed, and not my brain.  For example, I said when I was 300 pounds and somoene complimented me, when I brushed it off you would probably think "Oh poor Joanne, she has a self esteem issue" - but now, same compliment...my brain works the same way and says the same thing...but you think "Wow, sh's so *****y and vain".  My point was that my brain and perception of me is still that overweight insecure woman, but the world's perception of me has changed.

I wish I had an answer for you but wanted to let you know you're not alone.  I'm at least aware of this issue and try to be more sensitive to how others see me, but I'm most definitely the insecure fat girl, still.

Your DH may be right in how you sound to others, but you're probably still operating on the old Fat
Girl programming, where you don't know how to respond to a compliment.

From now on, just smile and say something like "Thanks so much."  Then ask them how they are doing, or what they're up to nowadays?? 

And yes, look in the mirror and see the lovely lady the rest of the world sees!!

***LIKE***

Ah, i love the saying skinny *****es! I use it all the time:) haha

Couple thoughts, very fast because I REALLY have to quit dillydallying and go do stats homework :-p....

One: Many of the feelings you are having are common to beginning adulthood. Insecurity, "what am I going to do/who am I/where do I fit/AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!".....Totally NORMAL for folks just starting down the road of the grownup.

I'm in school with girls your age, meaning I'm their moms' age, and this is a daily theme. It has nothing to do with size or any other extraneous factor. It's the angst that comes at that chapter of life.

So maybe you're hyperfocused on this normal stuff being all about being formerly morbidly obese?

Two: It can take a lot of therapists to find the right one, and a lot of different therapy styles/modalities to find a good fit. This does not mean that you need to keep trooping from one therapist to another until you find the magic wand. Maybe sometime down the road you'll benefit from trying the therapy route again.

 This is worth a read, someone just posted it today and I thought... BINGO.    http://www.beautyredefined.net/call-the-body-police/