Hand to Mouth - Surgery didn't stop the compulsion to eat!

Hi Jeanine,

I'm waiting for my DS but I've been MO and SMO my entire adult life.  I'm almost 50 now, I have a child and I'm relatively happy with myself (not necessarily my life but with myself). 

The things you bring up are a mirror of my fears.  If you put food in front of me, I will eat.  Doesn't matter if I like it, if I'm hungry, if I need to save it for someone else.  I see food and it goes in.  I have adapted strategies that help me and one of them is to not bring anything nummy into the house (no, I didn't buy the two boxes of Malomars in the freezer at Walmart today   they landed in my cart and I felt guilty about having the box boy have to put them back).  Ok, so I TRY not to bring anything nummy into the house.  My house if full of whole grains, veggies, lean meats, fat free and non fat everything.  If I can maintain that, I do loose weight, maybe an pound a month.

I have never been able to sucessfully diet.  I had a waist once when I was 15 and that was because of a heated pool, not because of what I ate.  I was an overweight kindergartner.  Saying that, I am terrified of not being large.  I am terrified of having men look at me, fitting into "normal" clothes all the experiences that I've never had.  Am I going to sabotage myself out of fear?  I might, I will work hard not to be own worst enemy.  I want this more so that I can see my grandkids born and watch them grow.  I want to see my daughter married and get to retire and be lazy. 

I realize I have choices.  My choices will expand with the DS, I don't know how yet but I can choose to obsess on foods that will not cause me harm.  I can choose not to sabotage if I just remember to stay in touch with what I fear. 

Maybe you eat out of fear.  I don't know.  I think it's part of why I do.  That combined with genetics, I have a huge family history of obestiy..early deaths the whole nine yards.  It comes naturally :)

Keep the faith girl and find out what's going on. If it's fear, find someone to talk to... If it's chemical, find the right drug ****tail but don't let yourself suffer any long...you deserve only the best.

Hi Hoosiermoma,

Well, I guess we're not all so different, are we?  You certainly describe some of the responses I have to food.  I have my own version of Malomars - several versions! 

I also understand the other feelings of how you will react to being in a new body - so different from what you have knows most of your life.  I would encourage you to stay in touch not with what you fear, but what you hope for and what you are willing to do to have the quality of life that you are seeking.  The fears are real, for sure - but you will find some of them falling into place, and others you will likely have to work - as I still do - in therapy or support groups.  Don't dwell on the fear - you CAN do this - I promise!!!  If I can do it, even the imperfect degree that I do, so can YOU!!!!  :-)

Thank you for your encouraging words, especially to keep the faith - that is what keeps me going!  I truly hope you are able to get your surgery soon - it is life-changing in wonderful ways, and hard work in others.  I wouldn't trade it for the world!!!

I'm a compulsive over eater, have been for years. I have an eating disorder and will always have one. It's like being an alcoholic, but you don't need booze to live.

I've been in the hospital twice in my lifetime for the eating disorder and I learned a lot. The biggest lesson was that, it's not what I'm eating. IT'S WHAT'S EATING YOU...

I learned to ask myself, (1) why am I eating? - am I hungry, bored, upset, anxious, triggered etc.
I learned to distract myself from food and do other things if the answer was that I wasn't hungry.

Water is a blessing. More than often, you're not hungry, your thirsty. So try that first.

I eat out of anxiety, self hatred and boredom. Issues a good therapist can and does  help me with.
There was a time I felt I didn't deserve to eat, because I was sooo fat. So I stopped eating.

It's a constant battle, but the DS has helped me along the way.

I still have restriction, so I can't eat lots of foods. Just small portions. I try my damnedest to stay away from the carbs which cause me trouble and put on the weight. Cakes, flour, pasta, bread.

I've been sugaring it up lately. Stress is also an eating trigger for me.

I compulsively overeat because I need to comfort myself. That's one reason. Another is, that sometimes I feel so empty inside, I need to feel full in order to 'FEEL' something.

Anxiety, like I said and boredom. Pop a Klonopin or Xanax and relax. Drink some Tension Tamer tea or Chamomile tea and relax. It's better than turning to food. (Of course the prescription drugs should be taken as prescribed and in moderation.)

I knew the DS wouldn't cure me from my eating disorder. But it does help me to have boundaries. I can't eat whole pizza's anymore. Or 'inhale' food and forget I've even eaten.

Emotional eating is the worst. Therapy is helpful and being aware of what you put into your mouth is a life long commitment. Like vitamins and protein.

Just thought I would share my experience and let you know, you are not alone.

Dana

This surgery only operates on your body;  it doesn't do anything for your head.

If you're eating more carbs by preference, it's probably because you've go what is called
Metabolic Disorder, where when we eat carbs, it blocks the insulin uptake, which makes
our bodies think they haven't eaten and are still hungry.  A viscious circle, if there ever was
one. Our hormones don't let go easily.

You are the only one who can control what goes into your mouth.  Do your best to keep
"White Foods"out of the house.  If they're not easy to get to, it's a lot easier to resist them.
I know this from experience.

Dementia is incredibly difficult to deal with;  we think we are dealing with the same people
we've always known, because of the visible shell which is in front of us.  Unfortunately,
the interior is totally different.  Are you getting some assistance in grappling with this?

I haven't gotten it ALL figured out, but it's day-to-day for all of us.

Best wishes,

Hey there,
I can't really add all that much to the advice you've been given.  But something you said made my ears perk up.  You said you don't really know why you are compelled to eat all the time.

But in another post, you said protein just doesn't have the "soothing power of the sugary stuff."

This is big!  I agree with the mindset that you don't need to dredge up 30 yrs worth of history in order to fix the problem, but I think recognizing what you are getting out of eating crap all the time WILL help you change the behavior.

If you are self-soothing with food, along with the other suggestions you've gotten, practice other ways to soothe yourself.

I was totally a food using self-soother - I'd practically eat my way into a coma as a way of calming myself down.  I was to the point of being afraid/intimidated by ANY emotion, even happiness, much less stress or anger or frustration or loneliness.  I just dulled it all down with food.  I was so numb to actually feeling my feelings that I barely recognized them for what they were anymore.

It is scary to start to get angry, especially if you don't like being out of control.  I just didn't know what to do with all that emotion.  So I'd eat and that would take it down a few notches.  What I learned instead is that it is ok to face the anger, feel it, process it, and then do something to resolve it, whether it be talking it out, journaling, exercising, etc.  But not eating it away.

You can replace anger in the above paragraph with any emotion.

Some of this work I did with therapy and meds, but much on my own.  Once I got to the point where I knew I was eating from a bad habit, and not from a place of emotion, I knew I was ready for WLS.  There are some great books out there that can help, but like others have said, I'd look for a therapist who has experience with eating disorders to guide you.

Hi Jeannine, I am so glad you posted. The replies have been so supportive and helpful.
I have been diagnosed with a food addiction - binging disorder. I have been a part of a 12 step group for years but when things are going well I stop going to meetings - bad idea. I am also attending a support group through BANA (Bulimic Anorexic Nervosa Association) - that, I attend regularly.
I have similar issues to you. Prior to surgery I gained about 20 lbs in a matter of months binging like crazy, the ongoing last supper along with feeling sorry for myself as my surgery had been delayed over and over again. I haven't done too poorly in the last 6 weeks since surgery but the last 2 days have been hell. I tend to stay away from the board when doing poorly as I am embarrased. I would have never posted this - so glad you did. I plan to use the suggestions not to stay on track but to create a new path that I haven't yet explored.
Thanks again and best of luck to all of us, it's obvious from the support that we are in this together.

Jeannine,

It just goes to show you how obesity, and its co-horts, are diseases.   This may sound harsh, and its not meant to, but its coming from someone who knows all too well.  You DO have a mental illness sweetie.  Compulsive/binge eating is one of the eating disorders.  The best thing you could do for yourself is to get help.  See a therapist.

One thing my therapist once said to me that has really stuck is that people with eating disorders will often have WLS only to really hurt themselves afterwards because they can't stop the addiction.  Its also apparent that your daughter has some body image issues too.  She's seen you struggle and its become part of her life as well. 

Both of you need help.  There's nothing wrong with seeking help for this.  Something is driving your eating.  You may think its the act and its sub-conscious but there's an emotion(s) behind it all.  That's what needs to be explored.  Your compulsive eating is like an onion.  Peel back the layers to get to the center and figure out what's really behind it.

I can SO identify with you.  My heart hurts for you!  I hope you are able to talk to a professional and get the help you need.  Food addiction is one of the hardest addictions to conquer.  Most addictions you cut out the source and work through it.  You can't do that with food!  Hang in there, believe in yourself and GET HELP.

 
I didn't read the other comments, so forgive me for being redundant if I am.

You asked who has the answer?  You do!  You said it yourself:  

"My body actually loses weight quite easily when I eat protein, veggies, and grains, but instead I eat cookies, candy, ice cream, yadda yadda yadda."

The fix is fairly simple in the immediate.  Organize yourself a menu that includes plenty of food--especially protein, veggies, etc.  Don't worry about calories at all--think about nutrition grams.  Track what you eat on MyFitnessPal.  Make sure you're getting at least 150-200g of protein per day, every day.  Over time, you will begin to crave more protein and less of the other types of food.

I'm not sure if you're feeling real hunger.  I know I do!  I'm always starving it seems, and can never get enough food.   I do try to fill up on protein more than the other types of food, and that seems to work well for others who are pretty hungry after DS.

As far as the simple carbs, there's no rule that says you can't have any--they just can't be the mainstay of your diet.  Try to keep your carbs under 200g per day to start with on MyFitnessPal, and you can reduce it over time as you begin to crave more carbs.  Many people try to stay under 50g carbs in the weight loss phase, but for many people (me included!) that seems impractical or impossible.

I'm sure people have recommended therapy and such--I support that.  Practical eating also helps, too.

The DS makes many people crave more food that they have in the past, me included.  What's important on the nutrition side is to answer the hunger call, and to keep the balance in favor of higher-protein.

Hang in there!