Hand to Mouth - Surgery didn't stop the compulsion to eat!

So, at 9.5 months out:
I have lost 58-60 pounds, depending on the day (5'8", 200-202)
I am thrilled to be in size 14-16 clothes again
Happy that I look relatively "normal" in weight

However,
I am not fixed
I am not cured
I am not skinny
I am not exercising at all
The preoccupation with food continues

I am not mentally ill or unbalanced
I am not a derelict with no self-control
I am not someone of low IQ

I am thoughtful, philosophical, kind, compassionate, smart, accomplished, etc., but I CANNOT STOP EATING!!!

My weight loss stopped 2 months ago because I eat ALL the time, pretty much whatever I want - ny mystery here!  I can't seem to stop. I still think about food all the time and I seem to need to have my hand putting food into my mouth the entirety of my waking hours. I wake up and eat, I eat through out the day (nuts, candy, crackers, cheese, whatever is there), and I go to sleep each night sucking on LIndt chocolate truffles. I can't stop. I don't know why.

I can't seem to find the motivation to get off my duff and onto my treadmill.  It feels like attempting to scale Mt. Everest, but I know if I just did it, I would feel so much better.

I figured out that I am actually addicted to the act of eating, not to the food itself. If I smoked, I would be a 6 pack a day smoker! (Thankfully, that is not one of my vices - food has been the be all and end all of indulgences for me throughout my life)

I am always amazed to find out that there are overweight people who did not get there the same way I did.  A dear friend of mine who is at least 100 pounds overweight told me yesterday that she eats very little, but has a slow metabolism and her body holds onto everything.  Not me, I just EAT way too darned much, and crappy food at that! 

I am 55 years old, educated, successful, have a wonderful family, good friends, a strong faith, and a good life. I am an eternal optimist, but I still can't stop eating. The DS was my third WLS since March of 2001 - Dr. Gagner for all of them. First RNY, then RNY "fix" of a fistula in 2004, then this past December revision from RNY to the DS.  I am hopeing and praying that I am not a hopeless case.  My body actually loses weight quite easily when I eat protein, veggies, and grains, but instead I eat cookies, candy, ice cream, yadda yadda yadda.

I wasn't sure what to expect in terms of my capacity for food after the DS and I found that going from the RNY pouch to the DS stomach actually increased my intake ability to the point where I feel that I have very little restriction. Once in a while I do - depending on the food. I also get the food coming back up when I've overeaten.

My head tells me to just get a grip, eat nothing but protein, and everything will fall into place. But I'm actually terrified. After everything I've been through with these surgeries, the thought of not being able to keep off at least this 60 pounds and of not being able to get down another 20-40 to a place of good health scares me to death. I don't know a single other DS person in my area and don't know of any doctors who can help me either. I had labs done a couple of months ago and they were ok, a little low in protein, but in general not bad.

This surgery is an amazing tool, but it doesn't address the compulsion to eat all the time. I just don't know what that's all about. I've done therapy - sure, I can blame it on my mom, but I'm a big girl now! I'm therapied out, surgeried out, and am at a loss as to whether there is even an answer for this.  I find myself wondering about medication, but I've tried antidepressants before and they did nothing for the eating. 

Please don't yell at me because I haven't been a contributer to the board. Life has been insane the last 10 months - moved my mom up to be with us (she has dementia), became unemployed, am in the midst of starting a new retail business, daughter struggling with anorexic tendencies, husband a lovable workaholic, major house issues - we live in the "money pit!" My own family is ready to disown me because I never call. I am reaching out because I am desperate and I truly can't think of anywhere else to go for good advice.

Anyone else out there like me who has figured it all out???!!!  Many thanks in advance to those who have pearls of wisdome. 

The title of this thread says it all -- you expected the surgery to fix your compulsion. That was never going to happen by itself. You obviously has a serious addiction and need help. You say you're therapied out but I beg you to find someone who specializes in eating disorders.

With the DS if you don't eat properly (protein, etc.) you will get sick - there's no way around it. Do you take your vitamins? Drink enough water?  You say you had labs done and that your protein was a little low. It's not going to get better if you eat crap. You need protein, protein and protein.

Janet, thank you for your forthright comments.  I knew the surgery wasn't a cure-all, but I didn't expect that this compulsion would continue - even more intensely the last couple of months than before the surgery.  I will consider looking for an eating disorder specialist, but I have truly explored every aspect of the addiction since I was 31 years old.  Nothing seems to have a long-term affect.

I do take all my vitamins religiously, but I must admit that I don't always get enough protein in.  I am working on that.  Part of the problem with this addiction/compulsion is that it's "all or nothing", if you know what I mean.  I am really trying.  Thanks again for your comments.

Boy howdie, do I know that "all or nothing' thinking!

Because of these types of issues, in addition to the physical ones that may present themselves, I want to flush the head of anyone who thinks WLS is an 'easy way out.'

Do try to incorporate at least a couple of protein shakes into your day - even if you aren't eating low carb at least your body will be getting the protein it needs.   Plus, protein may make you feel full longer.  I know carbs are through my system and making me crave more in about 30 minutes.

K.

ModestoK, I'm so glad to know I'm not alone in my "all or nothing" orientation!  And you are, of course, quite right that WLS is not an easy way out.  I knew it wasn't, but I did have the hope that somehow the compulsion would be eliminated or reduced.

I did get my protein shake in first thing this morning, and my goal is to get that in no matter what every day.  In an ideal world, I would get in 2-3, and I will keep shooting for that.  The carbs definitely stimulate the cravings.

Today has been pretty good so far: protein shake for breakfast, followed by 12 slices of bacon, then a large piece of quiche, 2 small biscuits, and green beans for lunch.  I am definitely full, but my mind is still on what else to nosh on...  :-) 

Thanks much for your post!

I think my stomach restriction allowed me to lose all my wieght within a year. I too am a compulsive eater. I did set the rule that I have to get in at the very least 100 grms of protein every day and that I must eat a large helping of protein before I have a "treat". I hope you can follow that rule and you should kick into weight loss again. Good luck.

Thank you, Gail, for that suggestion.  Even though I know these things, I feel like I need to start from scratch with the basics again.  Appreciate the encouragement!

I would state that you do have a recognized mental disorder.
  There is not shame in that.  Many of us here have a disorder of some sort or another, or even several . (me, I'm only a few cards short of a straight flush in the game of mental disorder poker.)  Suffering from a mental illness does not make you stupid, weak, or a bad person.
 
An intelligent, strong person acknowledges their problems and then takes steps to correct them.  You have done the physical part of this already - by having WLS.  However, from your message it seems like you WILL regain the weight if you do not address this issue ASAP.  The DS is a tool and as you have learned from your prior WL surgeries, you can defeat any tool.

Binge eating - from what you have described you qualify if you are eating non-stop all day long - IS recognized as an eating disorder by the APA and National Institute of Mental Health.
From the NHMH:
Binge-eating disorder

With binge-eating disorder a person loses control over his or her eating. Unlike bulimia nervosa, periods of binge-eating are not followed by purging, excessive exercise, or fasting. As a result, people with binge-eating disorder often are over-weight or obese. People with binge-eating disorder who are obese are at higher risk for developing cardiovascular disease and high blood pressure.⁹ They also experience guilt, shame, and distress about their binge-eating, which can lead to more binge-eating.

Here is an excerpt out of a googled article from Feb. 2010 I came across:

The American Psychiatric Association is releasing a new draft of its book of mental disorders Wednesday. Often described as the bible of psychiatry, this new version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders proposes some significant changes to classification of bipolar disorder, Asperger's syndrome, "cutting" — and binge eating.

Experts from the APA say there's now enough evidence to call binge eating a mental disorder, adding it to the group of eating disorders that includes anorexia and bulimia.
Binge eating is defined as eating large amounts of food when you're not hungry and then feeling disgusted and depressed afterward. But most people do this from time to time. It's the frequency of a person's binge eating — and the depth of the anguish he or she feels — that raises flags.
...
"We're not talking intermittent overeating — that is normal — but this is recurrent, persistent, frequently occurring, accompanied by lots of distress, guilt and unhappiness," Walsh says. "We do have data that this affects a small percentage — 2 to 5 percent — of Americans throughout their lifetime."

Researchers and doctors still don't really know what causes these issues, he says, and various factors appear to contribute.

"There's no consensus as to what is the best treatment," Walsh says. "Several types of medications appear helpful, as do several types of psychological treatment."

===

As others have said, you should strongly consider getting therapy from an eating disorder specialist.  Your garden variety shrink won't necessarily be helpful, especially if you are already an insightful & intelligent person.  (sounds like you are.)   I know this from experience - I can tell you what traumas led me to the path of depression and compulsion but those behaviors are deeply ingrained.  They don't always go away when you take them out into the light and examine them.

Cognitive therapy may be what you need to change the tapes in your head that are leading you to non-stop eating.  You might also try some tricks that former smokers have used to quell the 'mouth-feel' need like sucking on cough drops, chewing toothpicks, etc.
If you refuse to consider seeing a therapist, you might see if your library has the book Feeling Good by Burns (I think that is the title & author)    It is a self-help book about cognitive therapy; although I've never finished it I did identify some of my bad thinking patters including all-or-nothing thinking and took steps to improve them.

I know how difficult fighting our ingrained behavior patterns can be.  I wish you luck in tackling this personal demon.

Kim

Hi again, Kim,

Thank you for this honest and helpful post.  Yes, I suppose you are right again.  Especially if we think of mental health/illness as being a broad curved spectrum and that we all fall someplace on the graph.  

I spent most of my adult life believing that my eating disorder (didn't recognize it as such until I was 28) was my fault, that my inability to stay on an eating plan that would help me lose and maintain the loss was a personal failing.  I really believed I should be able to "just do it".  I spent 2 years wrestling with the idea of having WLS before my RNY in 2001.  I believed that God created me with a wonderful, functional digestive system and that I shouldn't mess around with it through surgery.  After much research and discussion with surgeons, I started believing there was a huge biological factor as well. 

When I did finally have the RNY, I felt like a broken switch had been fixed.  All of a sudden, I was able to stop eating when full - and I could tell when I was full for the first time in my life!  I won't bore you with the details of the last 10 years and all the ups and downs with life and with eating and weight, but I am still eternally grateful for the RNY, the fistula fix I was able to have, and the DS.  Rather than struggling at 350 pounds, my absolute highest in the last 10 years was 260, and that for not too long - thankfully.  Even struggling at 200ish pounds is night and day from the struggle at 300-350.  I believe I have the tools to get this under control and it is not so overwhelming to think of trying to lose another 20-40 pounds.  I don't want to lose the window of opportunity I have now by not reaching out for help.

I am definitely going to look into finding an eating disorder specialist to see if there is help for me that way.  I've done it before, but today is a new day and I am willing to do whatever is necessary to give myself the best chance at success in this area.

Thank you again for your thoughts and suggestions - much appreciated!

MORE THERAPY. This time therapy that focuses on changing what you are doing, with or without addressing why.

I'm all in favor of addressing WHY, but that's not a necessity in order to make therapeutic changes.

You have some choices to make. You CAN change.

Medication might help. Changing WHAT you eat incessantly might help.

Don't give up.