Living in Fear of Wt gain.

Hey carla, I fgeel for you, I know only too well what loss can do to your eating and fitness. My husband died suddenly at 39 around 18 months ago and I was the one who found him..si really do know what grief can do.
I try and harness my feelings as my hubby was so supportive and was happy for su to use our sqvings for me to pay out of pcoket for my surgery, travel to spain and then support me through all my complications. So when I feel like eating badly or not taking care of myself with nutrition or lack of exercise, not getting shakes in etc I think of Mat and all we went throught o get me my surgery and it kinda helps me. But we're all different in the way we deal with grief and physical and emotional pain.

I think you're going to do fine low carbing but I get concerned when I see words like "severe" and "deprivation" as for me they are usually the flip side of uncontrolled and disordered eating patterns, you now the dreaded "all or nothing" mind set. I really hope once the meds are ceased you can make the changes you want to and if you are ever down in Orlando I'd love to meet and have coffee with you hon!

Yorkie xx 

Yorkie I HEART YOU.  ((((Hugs)))).  On top of all this I am going thru the 16 year aniversary of my brothers death.  He wa**** head on by a drunk driver.  My sister at age 40 died 4 years ago at work, she was a lung/heart transplant nurse.  I have had enough. 

I only have my mother, husband, son and daughter left now.  I am going to vacation sortof in Ohio with my mom and son for a month.  I will focus on protien, low carb but I am giving myself a break and going to some greiving groups with my mother and son twice a week.   I am going to walk in the country, horseback ride and have good visits with friends and family.  

I am setting myself up for my first day of classes at NOVA Fort Myers Campus.  My new life is still beginning.  I promised my dad just before he took his last breath that I would finish and follow my dreams.  I will hit onderland, I will graduate, I will survive this heart disease curse I have.  

I would love to have coffee with you and I think when my schedule gets more set and I am into routine.  I will plan a weekend trip to Orlando just to meet you and maybe some other DS sisters.  

Carla

My hubby had his ds ten years ago and he has not gained his weight back. He started at 290 and he bounces from 172-175. And he eats anything he wants. Also he does not worry about regain.(may be a man thing) like a woman would worry.   

Wow that is awesome.  I am only 22 months out and because of past history of diets and regain I am scared to death that it will happen again. 

Thanks for sharing that. I needed to hear that. 

Carla

Carla,

While i wish you all the luck in the world and while I recognize that steroids are in fact the debil and may have slowed you down a bit...ready carefully and I hope I write this carefully...you have lost 185 freaking pounds!  You apparenlty weigh 230-ish.  If you never lose another pound, you are FAR healthier than you were at 400+ pounds.  And even if you have SOME regain, it does not mean you are a failure.  It means, fif you did have to deal with regain, that you'd STILL weigh probably 150 pounds less than you did and you can LIVE!

Now...once the steriods are gone, you will probably continue to lose.  And, if your reaction to steroids is ANYTHING like mine, the DS just saved you from a 20-40 pound weight gain.  (So you are, in effect, losing even while you don't lose.)

But either way...stop!  You don't have to await the disappointment.  You have already SUCCEEDED...wildly!

Sue

Thanks Sue

Yes I weigh 232, I want to hit onderland so bad.  But you are right the DS saved my A$$ big time because I am one of those ppl that can gain weight at record speed and have done so before.  

I am proud of were I am, but as a human (woman) lol I am never gonna be complete lol.  I will loose more when I get my thighs done but that down the road at least a year. 

I follow the rules and I am so happy that I keep thinking someone is going to wake me up and this was all a dream.  

I wish everyone could feel what I feel when I pull up those low rider expensive western size 12 jeans and zip them and button them with no muffin top.  OMG I tuck my shirt in and wear a belt it is just beyond words.  I want to look good everyday.  

Thank you for your support. 

Carla

I want to add to what Sue said.

You have done amazingly well and come so far in your journey.  
  I'm thinking that if you are still 232 and wearing size 12's, if you ever were to hit onderland you would look like Kate Moss.  Way, way too thin.

From a quick google search - WebMD article:
" Today, the average American woman is 5′4″, has a waist size of 34-35 inches and weighs between 140-150 lbs, with a dress size of 12-14."

Honey, in clothing size, you are on the low end of Average.  You weight is just a number - it doesn't tell the whole story.

Remember that if you were SMO for any period of time, which most of us have been for years and years, your lean body mass is MUCH higher than for a normal weight person.  It takes muscle and dense bones to support all that weight.   You have lost tons of fat and maybe a bit of lean muscle, but you probably still have a much higher percentage of lean body weight than a normal BMI woman.

Have you had your body fat measured professionally?  I'd suggest you do so if you have not done it lately.  It can be a real eye opener.  You may be rocking a low percentage of body fat but still have numbers on the scale or BMI chart that say you are obese.  Those charts don't take into account muscluar folks; most professional athletes would be off the charts.   Think of Serena Williams - amazing physique but on weight/BMI charts she would probably be considered overweight if not obese.  (I've seen reports that she is a size 10-12, has a body fat % of 20 or less, and weights between 150 - 192 @ 5'9"; however to me I'd say she is most definately on the higher end of weight because she is so, so amazingly muscular!)   

Be proud of all you have accomplished!!!   You have ROCKED your DS!   You are a size 12. 
Kim

I do hear you Kim, I am very happy and I also know that I still have time to reach my goal.  On the same note, as you spoke of, I too wonder if I would be too skinny at goal.  

I really just want to be in onderland even if its just 199 lol.  I will get my thighs done in a year or so after I save enough to pay for it.  My flat tummy and new waist line makes my thighs look huge but they are nothing but wiggly sagging skin and PS said it would be simple to fix with minimal recovery so we are planning this.  

I wear a size 12 for Christ sake, I can't imagine a size 10 lol.  

Carla

P.S.  Thank you for your support it really helps to have ppl to listen and talk with.

If you are going to determine your success only by a number- whether it is a BMI, weight ( we all have some magic number in our psyche- the one you married at the one after losing the baby weight what ever one you felt on top of your game), onderland, even a pant size----will you ever allow yourself to be satisfied and happy???

There was a wonderful study out of Spain that showed results for those who were super morbidly obese ( those of us who started over a 50 BMI) that the majority of patients in this study ended up with a higher BMI and that the normal range was not going to be 19.5-25 for this group at 5 years out.
So the calculation he used was
(highest BMI)x33= X +14= eBMI  estimated BMI
 so here goes 58x.33=19.14 +14=33.14 as EBMI

My surgeon explained it as the extra's our body accumalated in order to support our super morbid obesity- the skin, connective tissue, vascular support, heavier bones. That we will all have some of that left 6-8% of EWL and super-MO from 8-12% that will be left over no matter how much fat we lose. Only reconstructive surgery will reduce that number and again not all of it, as most of us will have the "extra's" distributed all over our body. So my surgeon did give me a goal weight and it was to be under 230lbs, turns out he calculated exactly what the study predicted.

Can you do better. Many do, and most of the ones that keep posting here long-term have.
Will you do better no one knows? There are many of us that are very diligent with our protein, vitamins, minerals. Many of us exercise. Not all of us make a "normal BMI", and again what may be normal for a light-weight will not be the same for a supermorbidly obese.

Personally I do not live in fear. I am almost 10 years out. I am higher than the ridiculously low weight I got to, yes my BMI was" normal" but I was not by any means healthy or strong at that weight. My weight stabilized and has been within a 10lb range for the last 5 years. I teach two hours or more of hard-core water aerobics ? with water resistance equipment daily something I could not accomplish at that low-BMI.

The best way to let fear go is to just live each day with the DS. See that it works, let each season roll by and the clothes all still fit. And let go of the numbers!

Bless you Amanda,
When I began my DS journey I swore the scales would not run my emotions and suddenly I am doing that so I am walking away from the scales.  I was weighed at dr. office Tuesday (232) I was happy with that but still in my heart want to see 199 even if is only for a moment lol.

You are right though, I look more awesome than I ever thought I could and my fear is I am dreaming and those size 12 jeans will suddenly disappear lol.  I am totally new at this.  Up until a couple months ago I was still taking in old cloths and wearing what my husband called tents lol. 

He and I started shopping for cloths that fight me and I have been in shock ever since.  Shopping is overwhelming right now. 

10 years out and still maintaining, wow you give me alot of hope and inspriation.  I love reading your post and learning from the vets.  I hope to get a handle on my feelings and learns ways to help other get a handle on theirs. 

Carla