Marriage and the DS what to expect...

So today I was pondering all the information I have given my husband on what to expect when I have the DS. He is pretty well informed and knows what he is getting into…. until I realized a lot of people mentioning how it affects their marriage. I have heard the good, the bad, and the ugly but I have not heard any advice or what to watch for. I know this process is emotional and life changing. I just want my husband to have the down and dirty with what might be going on with me for several months post-op ‘emotionally’. I would love to hear some suggestions for my husband to maybe help him ‘handle’ me lol Also suggestions for me as well would be fantastic!

 

Can’t wait to hear the replies/suggestions.

Be flexible. You both have to know you are in this together. Don't say anything negative about your weight or size or skin. My husband still won't say anything like 'you were so fat' or anything bad about how I was, I'm not sure if he is saving face if I gain it back or what, he just says I'm beautiful now and I was beautiful then. I think its really sweet.

Remember to communicate. Support one another. If you want to join and gym and take up running, ask him if he can help with the kids or if he can do the dishes while you run to the gym, etc.

MOST IMPORTANTLY MAKE TIME FOR ONE ANOTHER. Have DATES REGULARLY. TRY. If you don't feel like having sex and its been a week or two, TRY to get in the mood, buy lingerie, watch a sexy movie, read a sexy story, TRY. Don't just dismiss him

He just can't wait for the more active me to come back and I don't blame him! I want the more active me back! lol I love to fly fish and hike. Amoung a lot of things. We both fantasize about me beggining a new chapter lol its kinda silly but nice to know that we are both looking for the same goals

 Nothing has changed, and for me, that is a good thing.  We were solid before, and we are still solid now!  My husband is my best friend, and always will be!  He has supported me through all life's challenges.   

I wish you well on your journey!

Nothing changed for me and my husband.  As stated above my husband and I had a strong relationship before and still have a strong one now 9 month out.   I really did not go trough too much emotional stuff, the only things I went through was right after surgery I had lots of fears about the surgery for the first two weeks and he was very supportive of me and comforting me and then the fears went away.  I wish you and your husband well trough this journey. 

Wendy

Nothing has changed for me either.. My husband loved me before when I was heavy and loves me just the same now.. I am so not used to the compliments about looking so good. LOL.. I would let your hubby know that for the first few months post op you may be very emotional and need him to just be there for you and listen to you..

Good Luck.

If you attend IRL support groups, take him with you now and then - and ask the other attendees to do the same.  These can be eye opening experiences for the support person.

And tell him you really don't need for him to tell you your farts stink, especially the ones you let loose in your sleep, unless he can pull off sounding genuinely impressed and jealous.

GREAT ADVICE! I should take him to any support groups I can get my hands on. I did take him to one but it was a seminar on lap band and RNY. 

We are lacking some major support and/or education on the DS here in Montana . Maybe each time I go to visit my surgeon in SLC I can catch a support group and drag him with me

 It's been said around here frequently that WLS makes a strong marriage better and a weak marriage worse.    I've been on these boards a long time, and I've seen a LOT of marriages go down the tubes post WLS.    From my observation, it's usually been for one of these two reasons 1)  A person realizes that he/she may have settled for less than what he/she deserved and finally had the confidence to rid themselves of a toxic relationship or 2) An individual gets hooked on the positive attention he/she now receives, starts thinking the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, and ends a perfectly good relationship, leaving a path of destruction in his/her wake.   My advice to you is if/when you get all this extra attention, stay grounded about it, and don't let it get to your head.   If you truly have a spouse that you are currently happy with, he's loved you through thick and thin and hopefully, any insecurities on both of your parts can be worked through.

I guess you'd say I fell into category 1.   I had been in a long-term non-married relationship when I had my WLS.    I had stayed with a very heavy drinker who had smashed TV's, furniture, walls and my head over the course of nine years.   I would kick him out, then take him back a few days later.   I was terrified of being alone and truly felt that at 268 pounds, I'd never find anyone else.   When I finally got the gumption to kick him out, he was stunned.     He was so accustomed to me relenting and taking him back.     I am now EXTREMELY happily remarried to a really great guy.    The DS gave me the strength to end a relationship that should have ended a LONG time before.   

WOW Julie

I am so glad you are out of that situation and more sorry you had to go through it. I am very happy the DS gave you that extra bit of confidence to strike out on your own and to get that self power to take on a new life. Congrats on doing that for yourself!I love women who show some cojones!


My husband is my biggest supporter and I just want him to have no suprises when we have to go through this. I feel bad for him already and I HAVN'T even had the surgery. It is going to be one heck of a journey!