Update/new twist on the 3 so-called "friends" (LONG AGAIN)
Well, I am definitely following you all's great advice (and my Mom's advice too) and am fine with letting these people go out of my life. I even deleted their phone numbers from my contacts list in my phone, although I didn't block their numbers. After today, maybe I should, or maybe I should get a new phone number.
Okay, there was more to the story than met the eye, but I left out the side information for brevity. Apparently, it is still a factor in the relationship's dynamics, and I will explain it here. I don't really know how to handle this new twist, and I need some advice.
Two of the women I told you about are sisters from a large family with seven surviving adult children (there were eight kids in the family originally, but one tragically died at 18). The other woman (the one from OA) is the daughter of one of the sisters. I haven't heard anything from them since the day at Costco. Until today.
One of the brothers in the large family recently went through a divorce. I had a crush on him, but didn't act on it, until the women told me that he wanted to go out with me, and that they would be fine with it. This was early this year, but then my Mom told me it wasn't a good idea to get involved with him, so I cancelled the date and said we should just be friends.
Well, fast forward to June. He asked me out again, and I said yes, and we went out and had a good time. He had been unemployed for a long time, and had to move in with his parents (at age 49) and work a temp construction job because he had been evicted from his apartment. Plus, he is a recovering alcoholic, and had also used cocaine socially. He blew the $30,000 profit he made on the sale of their family home, while having no job, that is how he got evicted. But he seemed to be getting back on his feet and his temp job paid well, and he was going to AA and saving money to get his own place again. The next week, we had another date, and he said he'd call me. He never did, until August, when I was back home from surgery. Well, he told me he'd call me in a couple of days to make plans for that weekend. He never called, and it's been at least two weeks. At this point, I decided I was done with him. (The reason I was not invited to the family member's birthday party was because his ex-wife was going to attend, so the family didn't want it to be awkward. I understood that, so no hard feelings there.)
Well, yesterday he called me with a new phone number that I didn't recognize, so I let it go to voicemail. I decided not to call him back, because I was tired of him only calling when it was convenient for him, plus there had been some drama because he apparently lost his temp job and ran out of money again and was still with his parents. I figured, he should've at least called me when he said he would to let me know he had to cancel because he was broke, instead of leaving me hanging for two weeks.
So today, he called again and left another voicemail explaining that he had no money and that he was sorry he couldn't take me out, and that he didn't get the job he was trying for. Again, I did not return his call. A couple of hours later, I get a text from one of the women. (I recognize the number, but don't know whose phone it was from because I deleted their numbers from my phone.) It says:
"What u been up to? (Name) thinks ur mad at him because he couldn't go out with u. He was embarrassed because he has no money"
Realize I have not heard from them in over a week, now they are suddenly interested in how I'm doing? I'm not mad that he had no money, I'm mad that he didn't even bother to let me know that he couldn't take me out and left me hanging! Plus, the fact that I never heard back from him from June to August doesn't help, either. I really have lost interest in him, and I don't know if I should call him or text them the reasons why, or should I just ignore them? It's annoying because I don't feel that I owe the women an explanation, but do I owe him an explanation? They are a very meddling group of women, especially the mom of the one from OA. I wish they'd just leave me alone. If you got this far, thanks so much for reading. What do you think I should do?
Okay, there was more to the story than met the eye, but I left out the side information for brevity. Apparently, it is still a factor in the relationship's dynamics, and I will explain it here. I don't really know how to handle this new twist, and I need some advice.
Two of the women I told you about are sisters from a large family with seven surviving adult children (there were eight kids in the family originally, but one tragically died at 18). The other woman (the one from OA) is the daughter of one of the sisters. I haven't heard anything from them since the day at Costco. Until today.
One of the brothers in the large family recently went through a divorce. I had a crush on him, but didn't act on it, until the women told me that he wanted to go out with me, and that they would be fine with it. This was early this year, but then my Mom told me it wasn't a good idea to get involved with him, so I cancelled the date and said we should just be friends.
Well, fast forward to June. He asked me out again, and I said yes, and we went out and had a good time. He had been unemployed for a long time, and had to move in with his parents (at age 49) and work a temp construction job because he had been evicted from his apartment. Plus, he is a recovering alcoholic, and had also used cocaine socially. He blew the $30,000 profit he made on the sale of their family home, while having no job, that is how he got evicted. But he seemed to be getting back on his feet and his temp job paid well, and he was going to AA and saving money to get his own place again. The next week, we had another date, and he said he'd call me. He never did, until August, when I was back home from surgery. Well, he told me he'd call me in a couple of days to make plans for that weekend. He never called, and it's been at least two weeks. At this point, I decided I was done with him. (The reason I was not invited to the family member's birthday party was because his ex-wife was going to attend, so the family didn't want it to be awkward. I understood that, so no hard feelings there.)
Well, yesterday he called me with a new phone number that I didn't recognize, so I let it go to voicemail. I decided not to call him back, because I was tired of him only calling when it was convenient for him, plus there had been some drama because he apparently lost his temp job and ran out of money again and was still with his parents. I figured, he should've at least called me when he said he would to let me know he had to cancel because he was broke, instead of leaving me hanging for two weeks.
So today, he called again and left another voicemail explaining that he had no money and that he was sorry he couldn't take me out, and that he didn't get the job he was trying for. Again, I did not return his call. A couple of hours later, I get a text from one of the women. (I recognize the number, but don't know whose phone it was from because I deleted their numbers from my phone.) It says:
"What u been up to? (Name) thinks ur mad at him because he couldn't go out with u. He was embarrassed because he has no money"
Realize I have not heard from them in over a week, now they are suddenly interested in how I'm doing? I'm not mad that he had no money, I'm mad that he didn't even bother to let me know that he couldn't take me out and left me hanging! Plus, the fact that I never heard back from him from June to August doesn't help, either. I really have lost interest in him, and I don't know if I should call him or text them the reasons why, or should I just ignore them? It's annoying because I don't feel that I owe the women an explanation, but do I owe him an explanation? They are a very meddling group of women, especially the mom of the one from OA. I wish they'd just leave me alone. If you got this far, thanks so much for reading. What do you think I should do?
Quit engaging them.
And you need to make some friends. Go too meetup.com or find a singles group in your area. Maybe some religious activities? You need to do one social thing a week that puts you out there. Moving away is not going to help.
And you need to make some friends. Go too meetup.com or find a singles group in your area. Maybe some religious activities? You need to do one social thing a week that puts you out there. Moving away is not going to help.
HW 315/ SW 297 /CW 173 /GW 150, size 8/10, 5'8 tall (Updated December 1)
I tried to be helpful on her earlier post, but I stopped thinking of a reply after I read about the "well, he's a recovering alcoholic living with his parents and is also a social cocaine user" part. Oy vey.
Julie R - Ludington, Michigan
Duodenal Switch 08/09/06 - Dr. Paul Kemmeter, Grand Rapids, Michigan
HW: 282 - 5'4"
SW: 268
GW: 135
CW: 125
Duodenal Switch 08/09/06 - Dr. Paul Kemmeter, Grand Rapids, Michigan
HW: 282 - 5'4"
SW: 268
GW: 135
CW: 125
LOL @ Calc! I do agree with her questions.
If it were me, I'd let it go, depending on whether I truly wanted to maintain friends with these ladies involved. Forget the guy, you don't owe him anything if he wasn't courteous enough to call you and let you know he couldn't go out. I've been in that and similar situations, and while when I was MUCH younger, I would engage in some drama, now I simply don't have the time nor care enough.
Now, if you decide you do want to maintain your friendships, then by all means you should get back with whoever texted you and tell them how you feel. You went on a date, nothing more. Nothing more should be expected of you, but you still want the friendship. Then it's on them if they can handle it or not.
Personally, it sounds like too much drama for me, and I'd do what the first poster said and find some meetup groups and get out at least once a week. This is my current policy and while it doesn't always prove fruitful, at least one night a week I'm not sitting behind a computer, tv, phone or other drama engaging activities!
If it were me, I'd let it go, depending on whether I truly wanted to maintain friends with these ladies involved. Forget the guy, you don't owe him anything if he wasn't courteous enough to call you and let you know he couldn't go out. I've been in that and similar situations, and while when I was MUCH younger, I would engage in some drama, now I simply don't have the time nor care enough.
Now, if you decide you do want to maintain your friendships, then by all means you should get back with whoever texted you and tell them how you feel. You went on a date, nothing more. Nothing more should be expected of you, but you still want the friendship. Then it's on them if they can handle it or not.
Personally, it sounds like too much drama for me, and I'd do what the first poster said and find some meetup groups and get out at least once a week. This is my current policy and while it doesn't always prove fruitful, at least one night a week I'm not sitting behind a computer, tv, phone or other drama engaging activities!
Janice
320/170/150
SW/CW/GW
320/170/150
SW/CW/GW
Ms. Cal Culator
on 9/5/11 9:25 am - Tuvalu
on 9/5/11 9:25 am - Tuvalu
Before the delete, I went to some old posts and it turns out she's in her 30s. Wow, I have a daughter in her 30s and I don't remember this kind of drama after about 4th grade. (It didn't involve men, of course, but the well SHE told me that HE told his cousin's neighbor's mechanic's baby mama...that part.)
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