Lost 3 friends in less than 4 weeks (LONG)

Good advice, Emily, thank you.  Yes, my Mom even told me, after she heard the phone conversation, that they weren't very good friends anymore.  They have some great attributes, they are very generous people with big hearts, their whole family is, but they are so domineering and opinionated too.  I guess there is a time when you have to let people go out of your life and move on.

Kinzi

I don't know if any of my theories are spot on, but I hope that they help.

As an obese person, I have always been the "safe" one in the crowd. I am a non-competitor, I don't seek out extra attention, I am always compassionate - because hurt runs deep in my veins, I am a "users" best option. I never say no. I try to please, because that is all I have to offer.

That was the old me.

The new me may turn a few heads. I don't care if I do, as I am married to my soul mate. However, there are women in my circles who have been very comofortable with the fact that I was always the biggest one in the crowd. I made them look better. I'm guessing our friendships will fade - as they didn't want me to have the surgery either.

There are also friends of mine that are going to hear "no" from me a bit more - because I am finally putting myself, my health and my family first. I have no regrets about that decision. I will not purposefully drive any well intentioned friend away, but I may lose a few who don't like that I am not available 24/7 anymore.

And then there are the people who have ignored me and shunned me for years, because I was "discusting" to them. They may try to seek my friendship. I will never be cruel, as that is not in my nature. But they are not true friends, and as such will not have a place in my circle.

I think we all have similar situations -- those who loved us before WLS, and will stick by us in spite of a physically changing body. Our souls are still the same - and they love our souls. Those who can't see past my physical body - good or bad - just have never been bosom friends.

So, as you are on this new journey to find friendship and acceptance, just make sure to keep your "friend filter" on. Don't allow shallow people like your OA friend to come into your inner circle. Keep arms distance from the haters. You are worth so much more than that. You are a butterfly emerging, don't let anyone snip your wings baby.

Good luck with all of this, and know that you have friends here. They will always love and accept you. I have found that to be tried and true.

so much love to you

Hey switch sister thank you for all of your kind words.  I do see myself in much of what you said.  I also have trouble saying "no" to people, and some users have taken advantage of me in the past.  But, no more of that for me.  I'm worthy of respect, most of all I need to respect myself, no matter what size I am.  I am so glad I found this forum.  Love to you too.

 Friends are highly overrated.   
I have never been one to have a bunch of close friends.    I've always been into raising my family, my spouse, etc.    I grew up wary and distrustful of females, who seemed to spend more time backstabbing than supporting each other.   Your story seems to bear this out.    My best friend througout high school and early adulthood was a gay male.     I have lots of peripheral friends, just not many close ones, and I'm fine with that.    I've learned to really like my own company.    Now that my husband is working later hours, and my youngest is off to college, these years of emotional self-sufficiency have taught me to treasure now having the time to indulge in some singular self-pursuits.   

I think a move to a different state as a thinner person for a fresh start sounds like a great idea, as long as you are at peace with the person you've left behind!

Hi Julie!  I'm actually pretty self-sufficient as well, and have no problem with my own company.  I'm not really used to having many friendships (but I do welcome them enthusiastically).  I was a geek during my teen years and spent a lot of time alone in the library.  And I've lived alone for about 7 years now since my separation/divorce, so I'm used to being solitary.  But I was happy to have made what I thought were some good friendships with these ladies.  It's really too bad that I was all wrong about them.  I think I can tolerate living here for another year by myself, until I can move back to where most of my family lives.  And yes, I will start working on being at peace with myself as I am.  Then my relocation will be a success.

 I bet you're eager to get back to being near your family, eh?   

Did you mention that these were OA friends?   I went to a few OA meetings once, and I came away from them feeling like I was the most "normal" person there, LOL, did you?

Oh yes, it will be so nice to be able to see my extended family again on a regular basis and build closer relationships with my cousins.  Plus, I haven't had a Thanksgiving with my parents or extended family since the 90's, and my grandmas aren't getting any younger.

Well, one of them goes to OA, the other two don't.  Hehe, it's funny you mention "normal." I am definitely not normal, but I have been getting better over the years with therapy.  There are definitely some "zealots" in OA, that's for sure.  Hey, if it works for them, more power to them.  It just didn't work for me.  I think I will do better with my DS.  I don't feel as if I'm battling my body to lose weight anymore.

Kinzi, the others have said so much that is right on the money, but just wanted to say too...
we'll be your friends!  

Thank you calendargirl!

 JMO, but sometimes you HAVE to shake off the drama in order to move on.  Any "friend" that cannot be with you through the "good, bad and ugly" is truly not a friend, merely an aquaintance who happened to participate at some point in your life.  REAL friends are very hard to come by, and for some of us who find it hard to trust for different reasons, they're few and far between.  I haven't had surgery yet, but I do have mountains of experience with "good time" friends.  Shake it off and move on with your NEW and exciting life.  Their path isn't yours.......you have a new one to travel on now.  Best of luck to you!