Lost 3 friends in less than 4 weeks (LONG)

I had a feeling this was going to happen, but it still hurts.  These three women are all related and live together.  They do almost everything together.  I met one of them at OA back in 2009 and that's how we became friends.  (I don't go to OA anymore because the weight I lost in the first few months came back on and then some.  Plus, I was hungry and obsessed with food all the time when I was trying to remain "abstinent."  But she still goes.)  

One of them (well, all of them, but one in particular) kept trying to talk me out of having WLS.  Quite hostilely at times (is that even a word, lol).  It was as if she had a vested interest in my NOT having WLS.  She is about 5'3" and weighs around 160-170.  The one I met at OA is 5'4" and weighs around 200-210.  The other one weighs at least 300 and is about 5'4" or 5'5".  They're all trying really hard to  lose weight, including going on the HCG "drops" diet program, but they don't appear to be losing any significant amount of weight, at least to me (but of course I don't tell them that).  Last year they tried to get me to go on the HCG drops diet with them, rather than pursue WLS, but I felt it would be a waste of money and wouldn't work, so I didn't do it.  Plus I was seeing a NUT at the time who told me it probably wouldn't work. 

When I got out of the hospital, the heaviest one had sent me a text asking how things were going, so I texted her back and told her I had the surgery and was doing fine.  Didn't hear back from her.  Then I texted and called the one from OA, didn't hear back from her, either.  Finally, I called the other one and put her on speaker phone so my Mom could hear the whole conversation.  I asked her if they wanted to meet my Mom while she was in town, and she just gave excuses that they couldn't.  My Mom said she was definitely blowing me off (she was trying to be polite about it though).

Well, after my Mom left, I went to Costco by myself.  As I was just about to start my vehicle to go home, the heaviest one came over and said hi and gave me a hug.  I said hi back and said "Hi (name)" to the one from OA, and all she did was stand there and glare at me and didn't say one word to me.  Total snub.  The other ones and I chatted about hair and one of their relatives who was visiting for a couple of minutes, then they went into Costco and I went home.

Later that night, the heaviest one called to say that there was going to be a birthday party for a member of their family, but that I wasn't invited for a certain reason (it's personal, and I understand completely), although they would save me a piece of cake.  I told her no thank you, I can't eat cake right now.  And then she said "Oh that's right, I forgot you had that thing done."  A couple of days ago it was the one from OA's birthday, and I didn't get an invite to her birthday either, although we had been close friends for the past two years.  So I haven't heard from them in over a week.  They dropped me like a hot potato, but we'll probably run into each other again, because we all live in the same neighborhood and frequent the same stores.  It will be awkward.  

So now I'm down to one friend who I don't see very often because she works, is married, and has a toddler and a newborn.  I have decided to move to another state next year when I have enough money saved, so I can have a fresh start.  I'm so sorry this post is so long, thanks for reading it.  I just wanted to get some other people's opinions on what happened, and if there is any way they will come around. 

Your life is soooooooooo going to change in the next year.  DO NOT fret these idiot people.  You can't fix their stupidity, you can't fix their jealousy, and to keep them around is simply toxic to your health.

Go enjoy your life without these people who want you to stay in the same yoyo misery that they wish to be stuck in. 

View it like surg... even though it's painful... you have SO MUCH more positive stuff awaiting you when you walk through that door.  *hugs*

Thank you for the great advice, Allie!  I think they have always been a little jealous of me, in many ways.  The one who was so adamant against me having WLS told me once that the heaviest one was the one *****ally needed it, not me, and that my many co-morbidities weren't all that bad.  But the heaviest one's health insurance doesn't cover WLS, so she can't afford it, even though I think she secretly wants it.  They said they don't want to take the "easy way" out and that there were too many risks involved with WLS to risk a life over it.  They would rather pop diet pills from the most recent fad diet.  Of course, some of those pills can be deadly as well, they just don't recognize it.  None of them have had a real boyfriend in years (I haven't either), except that the heaviest one has "settled" for a man who she doesn't really care about, just to say she has a bf.  (None of their family think he's right for her, but no one else is interested in her, so she stays with him.)  So, I think I did "upset the apple cart" with my WLS,  I am now not the 2nd biggest in the group anymore, and I think it threatens the hierarchy of the group.  They are very unhappy people, especially the one from OA. She has lashed out at me many times for no reason and I kept forgiving her because she has serious mental health and emotional immaturity problems, but I'm done with it now.

Your life will be better in an year, but make the best out of it now. I feel like I just lost one of my best friends who I known since Kindergarten. I don't want to lose her, but she has finally down things that I'm tired of dealing with. Just smile that your future will be wonderful!

Thank you Samuel!  I hope your friend is able to work out her behavior so that you can still be friends with her.  You got me smiling thinking about the future I will have with my DS helping to lose and keep the weight off!

When we are losing so much weight many of us lose other things in the process.  I lost the only real friend I had in NC.  I had had a hard time making friends there and I had only one person who hung out with me and included me in some things.  She and I parted ways and it was pretty ugly.  I also chose to lighten up and kick a long-time boyfriend/SO to the curb.  I was getting healthy and he was just getting sicker. 

Then I decided to move a year after the split from the boyfriend.

Now I am happier than I ever was pre-surgery.  Even without the so-called friend and the boyfriend and the house.  I have more friends here, more opportunity to make friends, get to spend more time with my kids, and am starting a small business.

So, yeah, it hurts when our "friends" can't stay our "friends" through our weight loss but it is really about THEM and their issues and not about you at all.

Stay healthy and look for healthy new friends.

~Becky

Thank you Becky.  I'm glad that you are so happy now that you've moved.  I will try to find people who will lift me up instead of trying to drag me down.  I want to reclaim my health, and it will help to be around others who are positive and healthy themselves.

Sorry that happened to you, Kinzi. That really stinks. I'm gonna say that you're probably better off without them. You don't need people in your life who aren't supportive. If they want to self-destruct, let them; you certainly don't need to be part of it. You're moving on to bigger and better things.


 

Hi elixir, yes I think I am better off without them too.  The whole WLS thing where they try to talk me out of it has been going on since last year!  It really wears you out, having to constantly debate and defend your choice to take a risk to better your life and health.

So you know, my bff dropped me like a sack of potatos. Her words she "was over me". It happens. You'll be sad for a while and then you will realzie they weren't really your friends. Find out who is and nurture those friendships.

Hugs.