Why do people think its ok...
Why do people think it is ok to tell my spouse I am going to leave him when I get "skinny"? or to ask him when his surgery is? My hubby and I have been together for 22 yrs. 11 dating/ 11 married.. we have been thru thick n thin together and it annoys the hell out of me that people think it is funny or ok to ask such stupid questions.. My hubby needs to lose weight, yes! but I would never ask him to have surgery. He never asked me too, but WHEN I made the decision he stood by me and I would do the same for him. We have talked about it, but nothing decided.. I don't think he is insecure, but I also don't want these idiots making him feel like I am gonna leave him...Just venting..How would/did you handle these remarks or questions?
Same thing happened to me. My husband got scared and looked up an old girlfriend online. We have worked things out and are better but I do sometimes wonder if it's because I've gained so much weight back.
You hear about the statistics with divorce post WLS. The truth is this - if your marriage is strong, it will continue to be. If it's not, the cracks will begin to show and you will either fix them or not.
You hear about the statistics with divorce post WLS. The truth is this - if your marriage is strong, it will continue to be. If it's not, the cracks will begin to show and you will either fix them or not.
okay my message has someone elses face on it, this is really Amanda-DS writing
this is what it said:I never had a good answer the pointed stare worked the best, I would get completely still and just stare at them, I mean intensely stare.....it was almost comical seeing them squirm......got answers like.."just joking"......."my cousins wife left them".........I would not engage any conversation but continued to put my evil eye on them.
The more insidiuos ones are the ones who will say it to him in private.
My hubby was skinny and gorgous(at least to me) before my surgery but he did not handle my surgery well and all the changes. He actually went out and found a replacement for me on line. Asked for a divorce at 8 months post-op. I was absolutely devastated. Alot of counciling later we made it. One of his excuses was "I was afraid you were going to leave and I did not want to be alone". He acted out on his fears and they had been amplified by just those type of comments from family and "friends".
Nip it in the bud. No amount of reassurance by me during my wls journey that I loved him, only him, was enough at the time.
this is what it said:I never had a good answer the pointed stare worked the best, I would get completely still and just stare at them, I mean intensely stare.....it was almost comical seeing them squirm......got answers like.."just joking"......."my cousins wife left them".........I would not engage any conversation but continued to put my evil eye on them.
The more insidiuos ones are the ones who will say it to him in private.
My hubby was skinny and gorgous(at least to me) before my surgery but he did not handle my surgery well and all the changes. He actually went out and found a replacement for me on line. Asked for a divorce at 8 months post-op. I was absolutely devastated. Alot of counciling later we made it. One of his excuses was "I was afraid you were going to leave and I did not want to be alone". He acted out on his fears and they had been amplified by just those type of comments from family and "friends".
Nip it in the bud. No amount of reassurance by me during my wls journey that I loved him, only him, was enough at the time.
Gratitude is my attitude
Amanda-DS October 2001
highest >350/342 start of wls journey/ 192 @8years
Amanda-DS October 2001
highest >350/342 start of wls journey/ 192 @8years
People say that type of stuff to my dh and I ALL. THE. TIME! It is so annoying. I find it degrading to both myself and my husband.I usually just call people on it right away and let people know how stupid they sound. Besides, our marriage is truly none of their business. Dh is confident in our marriage and thinks that it is funny seeing me get all riled up but even still, I find it rude.