Losing Enthusiasm For Surgery??
Is this normal? 3 or 4 months ago I would tackle any pre op issue with a vengence. I would dilligantly make all the proper calls and appointments. Now I honestly couldn't care less. My insurance approved the surgery last month and I feel no victory in this. I don't recognize it as a milestone or anything. I switched surgeons and now that office wants me to have a second psych clearance. I am not frustrated, or angry or any such thing over this. I come here and read people's sucess stories and look at the before and after pics and try and regain my enthusiasm but.... It's not doing it for me anymore. Aside from repeating the psych eval, I must also repeat about half of the testing that I completed, again, Im not frustrated, or angry about this fact. It really feels like I am on some sort of hamsters wheel in terms of getting the surgery. Im no further from or closer to getting the surgery thanI was 11 and a half months ago when I stated this journey. I have insurance approval and nothing else. No Psych clearance, no surgeons clearance. And I really am sorta over the whole thing. I recognize the need for surgery in terms of my health. MY BMI is 55 probably closer to 56 and I have no real comorbids YET. I realize that the primary reason for this is due in part at least to my age. I am not a diabetic which seems to shock everyone. So I know I NEED this surgery. And I know that its worth all the hoops I have to jump through, but I really have lost my desire to keep dealing with the hoops. I know that a lot of pre op's have that feeling that the surgery will never really take place. I am not sure if what I feel is normal, or my depression kicking into overdrive or perhaps now is really not the time to try and have the surgery... is this normal or????
Get some help for the depression and you'll feel better. Also, it's hard to keep enthusiasm up for that long. It'll get better once you get a date and it's for real. Hang in there.
If your depression is well managed and you truly see ZERO signs of a flare in the rest of your life, well, maybe you aren't ready yet.
However, this sounds like it's time to check on the depression management, or maybe to examine other psychological reasons that you might be engaging in self sabotage.
Finally, maybe you really just aren't ready yet and you're slowing yourself down for some good (to you at least) reason that as yet eludes your consciousness.
However, that being said, I too feel like I am on that hamster wheel. I do not know if you are just burned-out by such a long journey, or if you are truely suffering from depression, but it can't hurt to talk to a professional.
What were the reasons you wanted to get surgery when you started the process?
Are you in treatment for depression? Do you have other signs of worsening depression?
I don't know if i could have maintained my enthusiasm for 11 months and with more hoops that normal either. I was lucky as my process only took about 4 months and I had basically the normal hoops.
I would look at the depression possibility and also into therapy for sure.
~Becky
Now look at me, I'm on the Dark Side and so happy I pursued. It was almost a year for me too, so I understand how you feel.
Reevaluate your feelings, make sure it's what you want, make a decision, then stand on that decision.