big girls

So I am totally still a big girl. 288 isn't petite in anyone's viewpoint I dont think.  I'm pretty tall so it stretches out a bit though.  My neighbor who has watched me melting away offered to set me up on a date and I asked if he likes big girls but would be ok too as I shrink. A legitimate question I thought.  She looked at me and said " but you aren't big anymore".  Ok I get that I'm shrinking but the crazy person in my head still thinks I look totally the same.  I think thats because I never saw how big I was to begin with.  It's just weird to come to grips with things changing and yet not mentally being able to keep up with it.  I am curious if this mental thing ever evens out. how the heck do you know you are where you need to be when in your mind you were always the same as now?? crap, I'm having issues.  sorry just venting. 

It's all a matter of perception. You are a fraction of your former size so no, you are NOT "big" anymore.....In comparison.

true. you are right. I'm just having kind of a pity party truthfully.  I think my head is messing with me here lately.  Been a bit depressed and trying desperately to get out of my funk.  I hate when I get all moody and introspective.  It kind of takes away from the bliss of feeling so much better you know what I mean? meh I need to suck it up, eat my protein and this too shall pass.

Jen yes it is a head trip thats affects us all to some degree... My co workers would be joking at times callin me Slim.... Skinny Dude ... etc BUT what really trips me out and stops me cold is when a person you dont even know describes you as "That skinny man with the red ball cap". You need to understand .. I was NEVER considered skinny before in all my life. Whoa now that was a shocking revalation for me.

I think for me it is that I never saw myself as fat, you know what I mean?  I thought I looked fine.  I thought I was normal and just can't wrap my mind around the fact that I let myself get so far down before I realized what an issue it was. I knew I was a big girl but because I shunned scales I was in LA LA land.  I just think some depression is playing a role here and I'm finding things to beat myself up for.  It's hard to fight the bully that lives between your ears.