Stop Making our DS Vets Crazy

The following does not apply to everyone, but to the few who make our DS vets crazy. 

This is not new info, but stated in a way that even idiots can understand.

DC raised a very valid and desperately-needed point for discussion.     

 

Don’t cross in the middle of the street-you can get hit by a car

Don’t go to the mall with shoplifters-you’ll get blamed too

Don’t drive drunk-you can kill /maim others and yourself

Don’t take drugs-you can damage your mind, health and legal standing

Don’t fail to get an education-you’ll limit your career choices

Don’t go back to the husband who hit you-he’ll do it again

Don’t buy alcohol for minors-you’ll get arrested

Don’t submit to surgery by incompetent, unstable or unethical docs

 

All the above warnings have been uttered by people of goodwill.  These same people will even discuss the rationale for that advice.  In each of the above cases there are arguments for ignoring the advice.

 

But I’m in a hurry

But they’re my friends

But I’m so close to home

But I can handle it

But school is boring

But I love him

But they’ll get it somewhere

But I’m already scheduled, need it done quickly, like his staff, etc

 

Then you do it anyway and disaster follows. 

OMG!  Who would have guessed? Why, God, why? How could this have happened?  What do I do? Help Meeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Well, what did you think was going to happen? Was God supposed to close his eyes while you ignored the good advice He sent you?  Maybe the universe should have suspended its laws because you didn’t find them convenient?

 

What about compassion?  What about mercy?  How about you having a little compassion, mercy and gratitude for those who take time out of their busy schedules to share, teach, advise and encourage you? 

BRAVO! well said!

 

What about if you're an atheist...does that mean I have to listen to the voices in my head instead of this God person?   Also what language does the universe speak?  Do you need a babel fish to hear it?

p.s. I'm really Jesus.

Answers to the above questions.
1)  Since you are an atheist, you should listen to Linus.  He is obviously running the show and is the most bi-polar of your household.  The formerly followed Book of Penfold is obviously outdated and far too predictable to follow for divine instruction.  (Pet me, feed me, love me, clean my poo - notice no stalking of the undies, hiding of the petrified turds, eyeballing disrespectful deer, etc.)

2)  Esperanto, badly.  William Shatner is the primary prophet of this language - see Incubus.

3)  Yes.

4)  No, you aren't.  You are Biff, Jesus' best childhood friend.

Linus isn't speaking to me because

a) we went to the vets for his booster and I yelled at him for trying to bite the tortoise and snorting up hair off the cats tale from the carrier box and for barking menacingly at the poor puppy with stitches in his eyelids.  He then hid under my chair and tried to eat the tortoise visa stealth belly crawling. He is obviously Satan's emissary on earth and as I don't believe in God then I had better not believe in Linus either cause he's colluding with them.

b) Penfold isn't speaking to me because I didn't give him my tuna and sweetcorn toast then farted on his face by mistake when he tunneled under the duvet in proximity to my bum hole.

c) William is an annoying *****  I suspect what you're hearing is his splendid rendition of "Rocket man" played through the anus of a goat backwards as to render it listenable.

d) Where did i put it?

e) But I have the beard and a morbid fear of splinters!

  On August 23, 2011 at 3:19 PM Pacific Time, ModestoK wrote: Answers to the above questions.
1)  Since you are an atheist, you should listen to Linus.  He is obviously running the show and is the most bi-polar of your household.  The formerly followed Book of Penfold is obviously outdated and far too predictable to follow for divine instruction.  (Pet me, feed me, love me, clean my poo - notice no stalking of the undies, hiding of the petrified turds, eyeballing disrespectful deer, etc.)

2)  Esperanto, badly.  William Shatner is the primary prophet of this language - see Incubus.

3)  Yes.

4)  No, you aren't.  You are Biff, Jesus' best childhood friend.

I'm going to start a program for SIGNING in Esperanto.

I'm looking for a name that will allow for the acronym TIED UP IN KNOTS.

Suggestions?


ETA:  Jesus told me his childhood best friend was Chuey from La Puente.

NOTICE: with me as with Kirmy, as established by her current avatar, it doesn't take much to drive some of us crazy - it's not a long trip.

I'm sicking Tammy's eyelashes on you!

Where is my cape and crash helmet?

See what you idiots have done?  It's too late.  Our DS Vets are now certifiable and without hope!!!!!!!