3 Years Post-Op. Heavy Heart & Light Body. Remembering Norm Roth

Another year (this makes 3) goes by that marks a new chapter in my life, and a continuing memory of the last chapter in Norm Roth's life.  My opportunity to make Norm my friend and all that he has meant to me then and now is written below.  Laughing and crying are allowed.  EW

Originally Posted 8/28/08

What is it like to know Norm R for a week?  It's with a heavy heart that I would like to share the answer to this question.  I met Norm last Tuesday, the night before my procedure in the motel we were both guests at.  I asked if I could pick his brain a bit about how it all went and he said sure.  In meeting Norm officially his soft, warm smile is quickly contrasted by his catchers met sized hand shake.  I knew right away that Norm had a warm heart to go with his kind non threatening appearance.  Norm welcomed me into his room where he proceeded to one by one dissolve every fear I had of weight loss surgery.  I was impressed with his medical understanding of this procedure combined with his attention to detail.

It wasn't long before I felt comfortable enough with Norm to go straight to the deepest darkest guy code question I had.  I asked him what the catheter was like.  "Pretty handy" he answered.  He told me he had asked to have it left in an extra day to save on trips to the bathroom.  That brought on the million dollar question, whats it like when they pull it?  He answered with a single deep laugh saying "well, the feeling is a funny kinda tingle that you would probably pay $5 bucks to feel again on a Friday night".  That helped me so much with that particular fear.  We went on chatting about post-op life and what to expect.  Norm tipped me off to a local medical supply place where he had rented a recliner.  He said to make sure to get one because the beds were just not a good night for a big guy.  

Not wanting to over stay I told Norm good bye and headed to my room.  My next task was to begin my bowel cleansing for the evening.  I told my wife that she might want to pass on the fireworks and do some shopping or go to dinner.  She took my advice.  I let the cleansing begin.  It was my first time in cleansing so I was a little surprised just how violent the fireworks were.  After a couple hours things slowed down a bit and I was bored.  My wife checked in and said she was coming back if I needed anything.  I told her I wanted to ask Norm.  I rang Norm up and told him I had delivery if he wanted anything.  Norm answered and said "Man if she's anywhere near a sugar free Popsicle that would be great".  Kelly delivered the Popsicles and spent some time getting to know the same kind and gentle Norm that I had.  As she was leaving Norm threw her a pack of moisturizing wipes and said that I might have a few saddle sores by now and would really appreciate them.  Man was he right.  I swear I was starting to pull slivers from the 80 grit motel roll that I had already used 2/3 of.  I wonder now if Norm and I didn't say Aaahhhh at the same time as he opened the Popsicles and I opened the wipes.  

The next time I heard from Norm was shortly after I woke up from surgery.  He had called Kelly to see how it went.  Kelly handed me the phone and Norm said "Eric don't look down man there's a hose coming from your......well you know the rest.  We had a few laughs and Norm congratulated me on my new life.  The next few days Norm checked on me and Kelly checked on Norm.  She took him things at night when she went back to the room and they would visit a while.  She even talked a cab driver that we met named Umberto into running some drinks to Norm on Friday morning.  Umberto is another "big" friendly guy who did this for free.  He also told Kelly what a nice guy Norm was. 

When I was discharged I went to a different motel.  Norm was having chronic diarrhea and was having a time keeping in enough fluids.  I offered to return the cherished wipes but he said he had gotten some in a care package from home.   We talked by phone a couple times and he had a strong feeling it was about to run its course.  Kelly changed his flight schedule for him and visited him on Sunday.  Kelly had to fly out Monday and was sad to leave us both. 

Norm knew at that point  he was headed in for some IV's and a possible stay.  Monday afternoon I moved to the Post Op Recovery place.  This is a private run place where Gwen takes great care make sure that you want for nothing.  My first night there was great compared to the motels.  I called Norm on Tuesday morning to check in and see how he was doing.  He told me that there wasn't much change and that they figured he had lost nearly 30 pounds.  I jokingly asked him "what's your secret".  He said "you don't want to know, I'll probably never sell any books highlighting my method".  I told him I wanted to swing by and he said don't be afraid to grab some Snapple Diet and maybe some Adkins Advantage.  It sounded like the drink menu at the hospital wasn't all that.  On the way over I proposed the idea to Gwen of letting Norm stay with her until he left in trade for my pre-paid days that I was going home early.  She agreed and was looking forward to meeting him.  When we got to the hospital I asked him how he was doing?  He answered with his one laugh grin saying "in & out man, in & out".  I introduced him to Gwen and told him about the deal.  He was very appreciative but more concerned that another local OH member had moved his bags already.  He concern was never for himself but rather that he didn't put anyone out.  My bet is that he was always this way.  Gwen fetched a tub full of ice and iced down the Snapple.  Norm instantly adopted one of the bottles and began rolling it in the ice.  The nurse came in and told Norm they were going to do an EKG test, he told her that he hoped the test was multiple choice.  That fact that this man could still be joking and making light while 30 pounds dehydrated was a testament to the kind nature that made up this gentle giant.  He didn't have a whiny bone in his body.  

Once the Snapple was half chilled, Norm grabbed one and said here we go.  He popped the cap, took a long drink and said ahhh the little things in life.  I told him that he seemed like just the kind of guy who appreciated the little things.  He said that he really did.  He told me that he had been saving up for a new car and that he had used that money for his surgery.  he told me how much that made him appreciate his old car that was now going to be called on a little longer.  He told me of a favorite sandwich called "Italian Beef" that he got at Al's or some Italian named place.  He told such a convincing story about it that I told him I would come out to Chicago and visit him and break bread at this place.  He didn't think it right that I should wait and said he had some way of packing and shipping them.  He said he would send Kelly and I a sample when he got home.  With his description I could darn near taste it.  I was also drooling as he told about the stuffed crust pizza that no one from Washington could even fathom.  He laughed and said you'll never go back to your ketchup disks once you've tried a real Italian "PIE".  I got the feeling he knew what he was saying.  

We laughed for a while and he had to go to the bathroom.  He told me he was glad Gwen and I stopped by but that the quality of visit could go down hill fast once he stepped in.  I took the hint with a laugh, grew my hand, and gave him a hand shake as we left.  I told him to try to get out on Friday so we could share at least a day together at Gwen's place.  He said "that would be great man, I'll look forward to it".  And we said goodbye.

I'm going to stop for now as my heart is so broken as I reminisce.  Forgive my spelling and my grammar in this effort.  Fat fingers and sleeping in high school don't make for the best authors.  I feel like I have known Norm Roth for a life time.  I am truly envious of those of you who have.  My heart goes out to all his friends and family who are no doubt struggling with the 5XL hole in your hearts that only Norm could have filled.  On the bright side, my life is richer for having known him and I have no doubt that he was graced at spreading the riches.  He will always be in my thoughts.  Eric  

Originally Posted 8/19/09

I can't believe its been a year since Norm's passing.  Norm was a Chicago area member who had a DS at the same time as me in San Francisco.  Norm went into surgery knowing he had serious heart issues but braved the challenges for the possible results.

Norm lost his life in recovery a few days post op.  I only knew Norm through a chance meeting in a motel elevator but a few days later he had become a true friend.  Being a couple days ahead of me, Norm was able to put all my pre-op fears to rest with his kind and gentle way.

I have no doubt that Norm is greatly missed by his family and friends in the Chicago area as well as those of us on the site lucky enough to get to know him.  I wrote a few words about my short friendship with Norm a year ago, but I am too dumb to figure out the search options.  For those that have it figured out please take a look and maybe post up a link for those like me. lol

In any case, I am thinking of Norm today and saying a prayer for him and his family.  I would invite you all to do the same.  Take care.  EW

Post Date: 8/18/10 2:10 pm
Last Edit: 8/18/10 2:16 pm

My memories of Norm's strong voice haven't lessened any in two years (well almost, I will be out next week and wanted to get this in).  I have no doubt (and plenty of faith) that Norm is "Livin Large" in eternity.  I know that even though Norm was never able to realize the joys of WLS and the results, he probably does share in the daily joys of those of us who he considered friends. 

I still think of Norm often and try my best to send him good vibes as I get to have my WOW moments living a new life.  I find comfort in that knowing that Norm is the kind of person that would take as much joy in seeing someone else's blessings as he would in recieving his own. 

I keep Norm in my happy thoughts, my sad thoughts, and most of all my curious thoughts as I expeience things for the first time and especially for the first time as a healthy person.  I can't help but think "how would Norm have liked that" or "I wonder if Norm would be game to give this a try".  I think his world here on earth would have expanded greatly with the gift of health.

My personal world has been expanded by being able to say I got to know him if even for a short time.  As another year passes, that makes 2 years that I am glad that I got to have Norm as a friend.  My thoughts and prayers go out to his Chicago area and OH online family and friends who must be missing him greatly.  I hope all of you are able to feel his big/warm smile on you from time to time as you live your lives.  I know I sure do. 

I'm sending good vibes your way my friend and I will be forever greatful for the kindness you shared with me and the friendship that I still have with you.  You are missed.  Until we meet again.....Eric

8/22/2011
The 3 years since the week I had surgery and met Norm have gone by so quickly.  I have discovered a true love of riding my motorcycle around the country and meeting new people.  Loving life and enjoying health to the fullest have made this even more special for me.  The one and only thing missing for me is the opportunity to look over at or call up Norm and tell him all that I am seeing.  I am constantly curious if Norm would have liked the rumble of a Harley and the wind in his face as much as I do.  I know he would love all the hand shakes, stories, personalities, sights, and positive experiences that I have been able to enjoy these past few years.  I wonder what Norm would have thought of the gathering at Sturgis.  Something I can't put my finger on inside me has kept me from going so i don't even know what I would think.  I do know I would jump at the chance to see it for the first time with Norm.  I have to think a people person would really have a ball there.  Maybe one day I will feel the nudge and show up.

My mental picture of Norm's face is getting harder and harder to hold on to.  I sometimes find myself people watching in a new place to see if I see any of Norm's features in the people I see.  His voice must have been a true one of a kind because I have never heard a voice yet that even sounds close and I have heard a lot of voices.  I keep my memories of Norm alive through my conversations with my wife and sons.  I have found it to be very peaceful to talk to my boys about him.  I bet he has something to do with that.  I also share memories of my time with him with an occasional WLS candidate that I figure will appreciate and relate to the specialness that was Norm.  

My thoughts and prayers go out to the Chicago area friends, family, and OH'ers that I know are missing him as well.  I haven't got to see Norm in 3 years now, but I see Norm's heart in other people all the time.  It always makes me smile, and I'm glad that getting  know Norm has allowed me to be able to recognize his qualities in others.  Without that I may not have recognized just how special some people are.  Having gotten to know Norm means that I will always have a good measure with which to recognize kindness, caring, selflessness, and genuine humor.  I am very lucky even through my tears to have experienced such a man.  I bet eternity is having a good time with him too.  

I felt comfortable tucking my shirt in a few days back, first time ever.  I think Nom was happy for me too.  Don't know why I added that I just felt like it was right.

I'm thinking of you today Norm, your friendship and kindness are alive and well here with me.  Take care my friend.  Eric      
   

 

Thank you Eric.  I remember Norm's story, though I didn't meet him personally.  I was in tears reading it too.

I was just reflecting yesterday about Castaway Ray, another very sick man whom the Rabkins took on about 18 months before Norm, and who also didn't make it.  I know both of these men went into the DS knowing it was their last and best chance at a full life, and knowing the risks they were taking.  They give us guidance and courage for what we do, and make us grateful for the lives we were able to reclaim.

Congratulations on your 3 year surgiversary.  Stick around - we need a little more testosterone here, as well as your general contributions unrelated to gender.

How awesome is it that in his last days this man touched your life so deeply. That shows true character. I would have loved knowing him. I know you feel blessed to have known him, even for a short time. HUGS

Congrats on your 3 year Surgiversary!!


Ruby

I'm fairly new here so I didn't know Norm or his story.  Thank you so much for telling us about him.  It brought me to tears. 

And yes, I'm sure he was celebrating in heaven at you tucking in your shirt.  Something so simple to most but life-altering to those of us who have never done it. 

How blessed you are to have known him.  And how blessed we all are to have you share him with us. 

Thank you for posting.  Here's to Norm!

Eric, I was thinking about Norm and this horrible anniversary recently, too. I suddenly lost a good friend of mine two weeks ago to a brain aneurysm and I was reminded that I had not felt that same kind of deep pain and sense of unfairness for three years, since we lost Norm. I am still pissed about losing Norm.

I was Norm's OH angel and Eric and his wife were his real-life angels. The folks in San Francisco took good care of him too, thank goodness.  

For anyone who never got to meet Norm, here is a picture of the two of us together, right before his DS surgery and as I was sliding down the scale, about 6 months out. He had a kind word for everybody, a great smile and all the hope in the world that the DS was going to help save his life. With his history of heart problems, he knew it was a risk, but he really wanted to try and save his life from what he knew was a sure death.



I try to appreciate the gift of my DS every day, but thinking of people like Norm and Stephanie, who just passed away, make me feel very humble and a bit guilty. I owe it to them and myself to not squander the big and small gifts my DS has given me. Time with my children and husband, energy, a longer life and clothes that fit year after year. I don;t know what the future holds, but I try and live each day to the fullest.

Eric, I know Norm would never begrudge anyone a drop of happiness. I am sure he would love to see the adventures your re-captured health has enabled you to experience. Who knows? maybe he is seeing them now. Ride your bike. Enjoy Sturgis next year. You can do it! I am so thrilled for you and your health and sense of adventure. Enjoy!

To pre-ops, getting any surgery is a risk. As with anything in life, you have to carefully weigh the potential benefits and risks and make an educated decision.

Nicolle

I remember Norm as well, though I didn't have the privledge of meeting him. How sad that he lost his life just trying to regain his health, and how sad that the world lost such a fine man.

Larra

As someone who had traveled alone for my surgery as well, I shared a few private messages with Norm while he was preparing for his trip. He was such a sweet, intelligent guy.

He was so very lucky to have met you.

Here's to BOTH of you! 

Oh my gosh!!!!!!! That picture is worth a million to me.  Thanks so much Nicole for putting that up.  I can look at that picture and actually hear his voice better too.  Any chance you have others?  I'm in a time pinch at the moment and for a day or two but I will be back.  Just wanted to share how great it was to see that pic.  We'll talk soon.

And Diana.....talk about testosterone, I wear black leather crap sometimes and even considered a tatoo.....but, I'm afraid of needles as much as you can be and still be a manly biker kinda dude.  LOL.  EW

so glad to hear you are enjoying what life has to offer,
thank you for keeping Norm in your heart, and in your life. He seems to have been a wonderful man and one worth immortalizing.