New here - how to support partner
Hi all,
My partner had the DS Switch operation yesterday, and I am going over her diet and vitamin restriction sheet and am going to be grocery shopping for her tomorrow for when she comes home. Does anyone have any tips or suggestions on the best vitamins, protein supplements, foods, etc? I have a very detailed schedule of vitamin dosages and what foods are allowed the first 2 weeks, etc, but I want to be sure I get her stuff that tastes good and will be easy to eat.
Also, any suggestions on how to be supportive and make this as easy on her as possible when she comes home would be welcome. We have an 8 month old daughter, and I'm feeling kind of nervous about being able to take care of both of them. And I want to be able to help her succeed in this and make everything as easy as possible.
Thank you in advance!
My partner had the DS Switch operation yesterday, and I am going over her diet and vitamin restriction sheet and am going to be grocery shopping for her tomorrow for when she comes home. Does anyone have any tips or suggestions on the best vitamins, protein supplements, foods, etc? I have a very detailed schedule of vitamin dosages and what foods are allowed the first 2 weeks, etc, but I want to be sure I get her stuff that tastes good and will be easy to eat.
Also, any suggestions on how to be supportive and make this as easy on her as possible when she comes home would be welcome. We have an 8 month old daughter, and I'm feeling kind of nervous about being able to take care of both of them. And I want to be able to help her succeed in this and make everything as easy as possible.
Thank you in advance!
How lovely of you to come and ask about this!
When she comes home, she will need ONE THING ONLY, and that is HYDRATION. Forget supplements, cooking for her, whatever. You die of dehydration in a couple days, whereas nutritional deficiencies take months to years to cause real problems. Get the picture?
She will need to:
1. Sip sip sip sip. A sip is perhaps a teaspoon of fluid at a time. If she can routinely tolerate more than that per sip, fine. But many if not most of us cannot. I have a little formula I talk about for getting in the needed 64 oz. of liquids per day: One teaspoon (measured) per minute (timed on a timer) gives you one ounce in six minutes. Takes about 6.5 hours out of your day to get the 64 oz. required. It is very doable.
2. Walk several times a day. This means taking a lap from living room to bathroom to kitchen and back, possibly with a turn or two around the dining room table. It does NOT mean getting exercise. At this stage, the movement is about preventing blood clots from forming in the legs and possibly breaking off and killing her. It also helps enormously with pain management and getting the bowels active again.
3. REST. Way too many people push way too hard fresh out of the hospital. You get to feeling a little better and take off to the races, only to be down for the count in a couple of hours.
Bad things include:
--fever (the surgeon will have his/her definition of fever, but it's usually 101)
--persistent low grade fever (under the level from above)
--signs of inflammation or infection around the wound site/s, whi*****lude swelling, redness, hotness to touch, pain, icky discharge (clear yellowish or pinkish stuff is almost never a sign of infection, but opaque stuff can be)
--any severe pain that cannot be managed with the pain management plan she was given. Pain inhibits healing, so insist on GOOD pain management.
--persistent nausea/vomiting/dry heaves that prevent or severely inhibit hydration by mouth. Even very mild dehydration can make you sick as a dog, so it's better to go to the ER and get tanked up on IV fluids SOONER rather than later.
Other stuff you can do:
1. DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT SMELLS DAMMIT. It's gonna be a brave new world regarding the smell in the bathroom and elsewhere. The more you complain, the worse she'll feel and the more gas pain she'll have because she won't fart as freely. Get some Ozium spray, light some candles and buck up.
2. DON'T TRY TO FEED HER. She doesn't NEED food or vitamins or whatever. She needs HYDRATION.
3. DON'T WHINE AT HER ABOUT HOW HARD IT IS FOR YOU. Find someone else to ***** at.
4. DON'T EAT YUMMY FOODS IN FRONT OF HER. She'll be either pining for food or wanting to wretch at the sight and smell.
This is going to be an incredible rollercoaster ride of emotions, as she processes the many drugs out of her system and lives with the aftermath of a traumatic phsyical experience. Then the great hormone dump/change will set in and it might be verrrrrrry strange for a time. You need to buckle down and ride it out.
Of course this does NOT mean that you just take crap forever from her. Not at all. Just don't expect her to be "herself" again for quite some time.
I hope some of this is helpful. Welcome to a great new adventure :-).
When she comes home, she will need ONE THING ONLY, and that is HYDRATION. Forget supplements, cooking for her, whatever. You die of dehydration in a couple days, whereas nutritional deficiencies take months to years to cause real problems. Get the picture?
She will need to:
1. Sip sip sip sip. A sip is perhaps a teaspoon of fluid at a time. If she can routinely tolerate more than that per sip, fine. But many if not most of us cannot. I have a little formula I talk about for getting in the needed 64 oz. of liquids per day: One teaspoon (measured) per minute (timed on a timer) gives you one ounce in six minutes. Takes about 6.5 hours out of your day to get the 64 oz. required. It is very doable.
2. Walk several times a day. This means taking a lap from living room to bathroom to kitchen and back, possibly with a turn or two around the dining room table. It does NOT mean getting exercise. At this stage, the movement is about preventing blood clots from forming in the legs and possibly breaking off and killing her. It also helps enormously with pain management and getting the bowels active again.
3. REST. Way too many people push way too hard fresh out of the hospital. You get to feeling a little better and take off to the races, only to be down for the count in a couple of hours.
Bad things include:
--fever (the surgeon will have his/her definition of fever, but it's usually 101)
--persistent low grade fever (under the level from above)
--signs of inflammation or infection around the wound site/s, whi*****lude swelling, redness, hotness to touch, pain, icky discharge (clear yellowish or pinkish stuff is almost never a sign of infection, but opaque stuff can be)
--any severe pain that cannot be managed with the pain management plan she was given. Pain inhibits healing, so insist on GOOD pain management.
--persistent nausea/vomiting/dry heaves that prevent or severely inhibit hydration by mouth. Even very mild dehydration can make you sick as a dog, so it's better to go to the ER and get tanked up on IV fluids SOONER rather than later.
Other stuff you can do:
1. DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT SMELLS DAMMIT. It's gonna be a brave new world regarding the smell in the bathroom and elsewhere. The more you complain, the worse she'll feel and the more gas pain she'll have because she won't fart as freely. Get some Ozium spray, light some candles and buck up.
2. DON'T TRY TO FEED HER. She doesn't NEED food or vitamins or whatever. She needs HYDRATION.
3. DON'T WHINE AT HER ABOUT HOW HARD IT IS FOR YOU. Find someone else to ***** at.
4. DON'T EAT YUMMY FOODS IN FRONT OF HER. She'll be either pining for food or wanting to wretch at the sight and smell.
This is going to be an incredible rollercoaster ride of emotions, as she processes the many drugs out of her system and lives with the aftermath of a traumatic phsyical experience. Then the great hormone dump/change will set in and it might be verrrrrrry strange for a time. You need to buckle down and ride it out.
Of course this does NOT mean that you just take crap forever from her. Not at all. Just don't expect her to be "herself" again for quite some time.
I hope some of this is helpful. Welcome to a great new adventure :-).
Thanks so much for the good advice. I will take all of this to heart. Her doctor obviously mentioned that she needs to drink stay hydrated, but he did not at all stress the importance of it, so I will be sure she gets what she needs. I just want to be a help to her and not get in her way. I know that no matter how hard anything is on me, it's 1,000 times worse for her. I don't want to make things worse for her.
Hmm...what is the hormone dump? This frightens me.
Hmm...what is the hormone dump? This frightens me.
Rapid weight loss can make our hormones go haywire, and this can cause emotional issues. I never noticed any of that after my DS, but for some it can be dramatic. Just love her, is all I can say. She is going to need unconditional love and support, no matter what. And it sounds like you are just the guy for the job. :)
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