So my beloved hubby and I had a bet, and he lost.
A little background, we have a couple who we consider our best friends. We all have the same interests, we all belong to the SCA, we do a lot of things together. However, I have been reluctant to tell them that I am having the DS soon. The reason is because I know they will be extremely skeptical about what the surgery does (diabetes remission) and are of the mindset that I would not have any problems with my diabetes if I jus****ched my diet better and exercised. (They do not have diabetes)
My husband and I were discussing the surgery last night, and he said that our friends should be told, and that I was all but lying to them through the sin of omission. I said not telling someone something unless they specifically asked was not lying. I told him the reason I didn't want to tell them is because of their penchant of being skeptial about certain things, and that even if I told them, they wouldn't really be open to research the claims I make about what the surgery does.
So tonight when we were over at their house, I decided to tell them to see what their reaction would be. Needless to say, I was correct in my assumption of their reaction. While they didn't outright say I was crazy for wanting such an extreme surgery, their facial expressions and they doubtful tone of their voice when they asked the 2 (only) questions.
So that is why I don't feel like telling people (other than immediate family) that I am having surgery. I don't feel like I should have to defend myself and my decisions.
Anyone else have situations like this?
My husband and I were discussing the surgery last night, and he said that our friends should be told, and that I was all but lying to them through the sin of omission. I said not telling someone something unless they specifically asked was not lying. I told him the reason I didn't want to tell them is because of their penchant of being skeptial about certain things, and that even if I told them, they wouldn't really be open to research the claims I make about what the surgery does.
So tonight when we were over at their house, I decided to tell them to see what their reaction would be. Needless to say, I was correct in my assumption of their reaction. While they didn't outright say I was crazy for wanting such an extreme surgery, their facial expressions and they doubtful tone of their voice when they asked the 2 (only) questions.
So that is why I don't feel like telling people (other than immediate family) that I am having surgery. I don't feel like I should have to defend myself and my decisions.
Anyone else have situations like this?
When push comes to shove....shove hard!
Never regret anything, because at one time it was exactly what you wanted.
Never regret anything, because at one time it was exactly what you wanted.
Somewhat. I have told my immediate family, one cousin, and two close friends. Other than that nobody aside from here knows. I know I'll hear all the negative spins and I just don't want to deal with that. So I'm waiting until after surgery and when I feel like announcing it to spill the beans.
I am not using the surgery to resolute diabetes (yet) though I know I'd be on that road eventually given the insulin resistance I deal with and pcos.
My hubby is also considering the surgery for diabetes, high bp and sleep apnea resolution as well as weight loss and he is NOT telling his family. They are all extremely overweight and his dad is dealing with heart problems, his mom died three years ago due to complications of diabetes. So it's very scary and real for him/us. He will tell them after because they are very much cynical and doubting about things like that. Which is weird seeing that his moms side is filled with nurses/medical professionals.
I am not using the surgery to resolute diabetes (yet) though I know I'd be on that road eventually given the insulin resistance I deal with and pcos.
My hubby is also considering the surgery for diabetes, high bp and sleep apnea resolution as well as weight loss and he is NOT telling his family. They are all extremely overweight and his dad is dealing with heart problems, his mom died three years ago due to complications of diabetes. So it's very scary and real for him/us. He will tell them after because they are very much cynical and doubting about things like that. Which is weird seeing that his moms side is filled with nurses/medical professionals.
I completely understand. Actually, in my case, my immediate family is the one who is most judgmental. I did not tell any of them that I had this revision. I just didn't want to deal with it. I have a couple of really good friends who are very supportive in this and, of course, my husband as well. He has been my rock through all of this. I'm sure a lot of it is me and MY shame in failing the RNY. Yes, the surgery failed me, but it's hard not to take some responsibility with it. Other people, especially, do not understand that WLS can fail and does. It's not a simply a matter of outeating your surgery.
my mom was dead set against WLS of any kind, and she was horrified when I said I was having a DS. but then i took her to a support group (at a steakhouse) where Dr. Rabkin spoke. not only has she since done a 180 (I'm a couple years out)... but she also encouraged my sister to talk to me about it, and my sister has also now had a DS.
Ms. Cal Culator
on 8/17/11 2:15 pm, edited 8/18/11 12:22 am - Tuvalu
on 8/17/11 2:15 pm, edited 8/18/11 12:22 am - Tuvalu
How would he feel about your sharing his Erectile Dysfunction condition with them?
Deal is...this is YOUR body and it's none of anyone's business what you are doing. And I would INSIST he honored me that way...not even to tell one good friend. Because what *I* want is more important.
Just an FYI, I got nothing but sincere support from 99% of the people I shared my decision with. I felt so comforted and confident to have the baking of people I am closest to. I think we can often tell beforehand who will be receptive to the information.
~Gail R~ high wt.288, surg wt 274, LW 143, CW 153, GW164
you are right and your husband is wrong. you tell who YOU think should know, and it is not a sin, if they came out and said did you have the DS, you have 2 options....yes I did or, I would perfer not to talk about that, both responses are not a lie. people have to understand it is your body, it is your decision who to tell, for me I didn't tell one person, not one, I learned with my primary WLS.....never make that mistake again.....
(deactivated member)
on 8/17/11 10:31 pm
on 8/17/11 10:31 pm
Hi Beth,
I have kept my weight loss journey a private decision...My husband, son and daughter were the only ones I told...I didnt want to be judged or hear all the negative responses from family or well meaning friends!! Im glad Ive done it this way now...Its a personal decision and its my body. My closets friends, the ones we chum around with on a regular basis dont even know...I didnt feel the need to be told "I took the easy way out"!!! This isnt easy...its alot of hard work and commitment!! No one should have to defend their decision to get healthy!! Good Luck and keep us posted on your progress...
I have kept my weight loss journey a private decision...My husband, son and daughter were the only ones I told...I didnt want to be judged or hear all the negative responses from family or well meaning friends!! Im glad Ive done it this way now...Its a personal decision and its my body. My closets friends, the ones we chum around with on a regular basis dont even know...I didnt feel the need to be told "I took the easy way out"!!! This isnt easy...its alot of hard work and commitment!! No one should have to defend their decision to get healthy!! Good Luck and keep us posted on your progress...
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