Okay...I have no social skills...I'll be the one to do it...

Sue,
Thank you for having the courage to post what many of us have to be thinking.  Anger, guilt, sorrow...the emotions are very high right now.  I dont want to be harsh or cause her loved ones any more pain.

Nothing can change what happened to Stephanie, but let's not let her death be in vain.  If there is any good that can come from this, keeping her memory and her story alive might save another pre-op from making a poor decision.

I also want to give my thanks and praise to the vets on the board. I started my research thinking I wanted the band, but you folks helped me to decide that DS was the way to go. Also, I went in knowing the surgeon was a great cutter, but not very good at post-op living, labs and vitamin advice. But I've got the support I need from here, even if it's just reading other posts. The vets are doing more good than they even realize when you factor in all the lurkers. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

her memory and her story will live on as a warning to newbies and lurkers who come here who might also be tempted to take risks like she did. I am sad to hear Husted wasn't part of her team as I am sure it would have made a big difference and I am glad to at least see that acknowledged here at least for his sake,  tho of course I grieve the fact his name is only again heard in a negative context here. I trusted him with my surgery and feel he is a real expert and I trusted him with my life and he didn't disappoint me. I wish Stephanie had waited. SIGH

I haven't always appreciated the bluntness here but I will admit it gets heard. I needed to have it pounded into me about the vitamins too here and if I hadn't been yelled so often and clearly I shudder to think of what could happen to me.....

thank you to all the vets for your tireless selfless serice here. Not everyone will listen but without you no one would even hear it! Keep it up! You save lives!!!

Sue, I look forward to your posts and they are indeed always intersting and valuable.

Sue, EN, Diana et al,

PLEASE do not carry the burden of this loss.  It is a loss to all of us but no fault of our own, particularly not YOUR own.  Frankly, you did more to save her than that SOB surgeon did.

Yes, I will admit, some of the reports your post are a bit "salty" for my taste.  It used to, frankly, bug the crap out of me when I first joined.  I thought "Why the hell do you have to be so dang nasty?". 

BUT I learned.  I listened.  And then I realized - you are SAVING LIVES.  And I don't mean that lightly.  You literally save lives.  And I don't give a rats ass HOW you go about it.  Just don't stop educating.

It is tragic and devastating to me that Stephanie wasn't one that was saved.  She was a sweet girl who wanted nothing more than the EVIL band out of her and a DS to save her. 

Yes, she was desperate.  Yes, she believed what she wanted to believe.  And yes, now she's gone.  But this wasn't her first rodeo.  She had the band in  and while later it caused problems, the surgery was fine the first go around.  So, there was probably also a lot of "I'll be fine.  I've been on this pony before" kind of thinking. Flawed thinking, but understandable desperation.

Finally, BELIEVE me, I would be a member of the lynch mob going after that butcher Juarez, but we have to be calm.  We don't know what killed her.  While, I would bet my shorts that it was something he did, he might have done the surgery perfectly and something else happened.  Drug allergy, aneurism elsewhere, PE - WE JUST DON'T KNOW YET.  So while I have some choice words and feelings for what I believe to be the "butcher", I also am trying to not let the shock, dismay, horror and grief that I'm feeling over Stephanie get in the way of logical thinking.  

Let's find out what took her from us, THEN react.  

But in the interim, I too will be screaming from the rooftops to every person without a vetted surgeon.  I only pray they listen.

One thing for sure though - YOU are not responsible.  You did everything you could.  Lots of folks on here did.  I know because I too am a pre-op Band to DS patient.  And I listed to everything you said to her and others.

So while Stephanie was not saved, you cannot begin to imagine the number of lurkers and nebiews  on here that you HAVE saved.  Myself included.  

We THANK you.  Not blame you. 

*smoochies* Thank you so much, that is all so very sweet of you to say.

I can say for myself that I feel no guilt and no personal burden, just great sadness that someone was lost. Indeed, that's one of the reasons I'm so forceful about stuff. I don't want to feel like I could have said something that didn't get said.

I hope the person who did the "outing" learns from this, too. I'm sure it was done with good intentions, but probably wasn't the way to go about communicating the gravity of the situation. I think if I had been in that person's shoes, I would have been mobilizing the hoardes from behind the scenes.

VERY LATE TO THE PARTY HERE!

Sue I've come to love your drill Sargent arse.  You are actually a caring and sweet wee person but I promise not to tell anyone in case it dilutes your curmudgeon facade in any way.  You cared enough about me to call me on a few occasions and check in.  You always try to put me right and give a fair and balanced opinion when I ask for one. 

Let it go love.  You did what you could.  You do care.  You are good people.

Kirmy,

I think we worked on this one together...damned shame about the outcome.

I was just feeling VERY frustrated...for you, for me, for anyone who tries to talk sense into people who are too sick, too desperate, too poor to keep from going for the first "gold ring" that presents itself. 

When I started high school...a three year school with a student body population of 1000 and I knew NO ONE...my mom said, "Just remember that the first kids to welcome you into the fold will be those you will end up not wanting to be seen anywhere near."  She was right.  I ignored her, but she was right.  I got out of that crowd before anything awful happened...not so poor Stephanie.

 It has always been very apparent to me that you are a very smart gal, and have a great deal of wisdom.  I am one of those that really appreciate you and Diana Cox.  I always read your posts, because I know I will gain something.  Thank you for being who you are. 

That all being said, it is a dirty rotten shame.  That is all there is to it.  I  too am sad it happened.  So needless.   You did what you could do, and that is ALL anyone can do!