Okay...I have no social skills...I'll be the one to do it...

I didn't go looking for what post it was talked about in, but I know who did it and she felt betrayed.  That's more of what I'm talking about when I mention tone.  Being straight with people and not holding back info should always be protocol, no matter how you need to say it.  This was someone making a remark that "she's hiding in her blog" and other comments that were just mean and hurtful.  I don't see how that kind of behavior is helpful to anyone.  It wasn't said in any other way than to be hostile. It was bullying in my opinion and that's never OK. They should've let her be the one to come say, you guys were right, please help me.  She was planning on doing just that, but then thought she'd wait till things cooled down and people wouldn't ridicule her.  But then she got it in her head that she needed the surgery now and Juarez convinced a desperate woman that he was the one to do it.  I think she even let her pride get in the way and wanted to prove us all wrong.

I'm totally with you that she made poor decisions for her surgery, she is the one responsible for letting him do it.  He was very convincing and manipulative, but she still made the call.  So many people tried to talk her out of it.  When it came to Juarez she didn't even do any research.  I asked her if I could look stuff up for her, I even did, but I didn't know to look at the state info.  I don't think she would've listened if I found something.

I wish I had asked the boards anyways.  The info you posted earlier was very useful.  I now know, but that won't help her.  I should've asked.

So keep getting that information out, I'm for that however it needs to get out there.

People must live and die by the decisions they make.    We can ONLY try to put the information out there.   Those who think we are *****y old vets stuck on liking specific surgeons etc. will most likely never change.    It's a shame, but we can't save them all :(

I try not to make it personal when people make these dumb decisions ... but if they have chosen to ignore ... so be it.     I don't mean to sound harsh, but there is only so much we can do.  

Sending you hugs! You did the BEST you could do. You gave the information needed and facts to think about and choose. Unfortunately, and ultimately people choose to do what they want even when they get such GREAT advise and experience from others who have been there long before.

Please know that you did your part......

Diana - in another thread, posted a laundry list of so called surgeons who committed gross bodily harm to someone seeking help for their obesity.   Not just medical mistakes, but actual battery – intentional bait and switch, promises to do one surgery only to deliberately perform another,  wilful inexperienced surgeons performing operations way beyond their expertise, etc etc etc.

Add to it, the countless of 100’s of thousands of notions, potions, pills and magical cures we’re told will “fix" our problem on a daily basis and it’s pretty obvious that for those so inclined, there’s enough of us who ARE deemed easy prey by the unethical and narcissistic “doctors" among us.  One only has to look at the reality of just how many people are still “sold" the lap band.

Some hit hard, some try the soft pedal to get the message out there - but try as one may, when someone is eager and often desperate to seek help – it’s just easier to fall prey to one of these medical douchebags.

On topic, I think there’s room for both methods of “warnings" the hard hitters and the soft peddlers.  One type of message will not reach all.   One can only do what they can do.   Similar to that old adage about leading a horse to water.

There are no words to describe how this event shook me. My heart goes out to her family and loved ones. This struck home because she is my age and was so excited about finally starting her new life. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.

So with that said… I am second guessing my choices. Did I research my surgeon properly? Am I making the right choice? Am I listening to all the information being provided? I like to think of myself as an open minded person but I could have missed something. I don’t want to end up having a sad ending to my story, which Steph was robbed of her happy ending.

What I am getting at … is I am worried and need some advice and comfort that I did make an educated decision.  That I did listen to you vets! That I am not being stubborn and staying open minded.

I know EN already assured me my surgeon has no bad marks against him. Is there more advice you all can give a pre-op newbie? I am kind of wiggin’ from this extremely sad event.

 

PS

If I am ever narrow minded and am not taking your advice, I want you all to crack the whip at me … slap me or pay someone to slap me … I don’t care! Just make me wake up if I say something stupid!

Unfortunately, I had to delete this post due to privacy concerns.

Have you looked him up in his state licensing board yet? Checked to see if he is/was licensed in other states and if so, what records exist?

I am a *****y old curmudgeon.  A smart ass.  I appear to think I'm a know-it-all...I'm really not.  There's lots of stuff I don't know...but because I'm pretty sure that I do know what I do know...it looks to some people like I think I know everything, so...so be it.  (Also, buy the time you get to be THIS old, you have learned a lot...and might as well share before you forget it all...which could happen momentarily.)

Me as well.  This also seems like the time where I can put out my beef about the so-called magic number of 100 surgeries.  Of course, I am thoroughly and unashamedly biased.  That being said, for all those *****fuse to be in that pitiful group of patients 1 -100, that is your choice.  Hooray for you.  I would like to see how one does become that special 101st patient.  That's one thing I will admit to not knowing.  So, please, do tell me how it's done.  Math was never my strong suit and I just don't see how anything gets to 101 without numbers 1 - 100 preceding it.

I am *****y.  I may be crazy.  But even I am smart enough to know that the magic number of 100 is arbitrary and not entirely reliable.  There are those doctors who have done more than the requisite 100 procedures in their specialty and I would not let them take my temperature let alone cut on me.  I would not attempt to tell anyone else what to do with 100% certainty.  However, I do trust my decisions for myself with 100% certainty.  Save your label of fool and lucky for someone else as I am neither.

I came on this forum to see if there was any news about Stephanie. And I clicked on the link in one reply which took me to the thread in which you and Kirmy, among others, begged Stephanie to reconsider.

It actually reduced me to tears. Poor, poor lady! Sue, you tried so hard to help her - but that may even make you feel worse. Keep pushing your message. You and I don't agree about a lot of things but in this case, about choosing a surgeon for such a complicated revision, keep putting that message out. Next time you might save a young life, you couldn't have done more this time.

Kate

Thanks, Kate.