Coming to terms with food addiction
I remarried about 1.5 years ago and for the first time in my life I have seen myself react very bizarrely when faced with conflict. Having been divorced more than once before and being a single mother of 4 boys, I always thought I did pretty well handling hardship and stress. God knows that dealing with my 2nd husband would have driven anybody to the end of their sanity but somehow I managed it.
So whenever we had conflict and my new husband would throw in my face that he had no idea how I survived my past I would get very angry.
What???? Did I not survive horrendous marriages to people who make the devil look good? Did I not survive in a culture that is not my own, away from my family? How in the heck can he question me? I was really offended.
Then… suddenly it hit me… as I sit here post-op and still facing the daily anxiety of wondering when I will see my youngest son again (he was abducted by his father on May 29th)…. Well…. The way I dealt with my problems in the past was with food. Food was my comfort. Food was my best friend. Food was my salvation when everything else was failing.
When I got the band 3 years ago, I stopped turning to food to ease the stress in my life which is about the time I met my current husband. This explains why he would always question how I was able to deal with conflict in the past. It didn’t hit me until recently when I was looking at old pics. I was at my heaviest I ever weighed near the end of my 2nd marriage and that marriage was about to emotionally and physically kill me.
One of my defense mechanisms was to joke about how I did not get fat by being happy. Reality of it is that it was not a joke at all.
The hardest thing for me since my surgery… not being able to run to food to fill in the void that is caused by missing my youngest son. All of a sudden I suddenly realized my current husband is correct in telling me I no longer know how to deal with problems. I have lost my best friend. I have lost my coping mechanism. Food can no longer give me comfort and… that scares me… because…..hmmmmm…. well because I don’t know how to cope otherwise. Funny thing is lately I have been thinking of vodka. What makes it so funny is that I never drank in my life. Good thing I am living in a country where I cannot easily get my hands on the darn stuff..lol
My name is Lynn and I am a food addict. 
There are days when I hate my DS because I can't run to food to help me cope... but at the same time, I love my DS because I am unable to run to food to cope. I love my DS for helping me see what I was doing to myself and help me in recovering and getting healthy.
HW 175 KG (385 lbs) - then banded in 2008 - DS journey HW 146 KG (322 lbs)
CW 81 KG (179 lbs) - GW 79.5 KG (175 lbs)
I hear ya girlie. I'm going through some really tough times myself. I too go to food for comfort. Just know that you are not alone. It's awesome though cause you did the right thing to get the DS. That is what I'm seeking to do myself. Blessing to you and your family. I pray that you get your son back.
Lots of HUGS!!!
Virgie Tschirhart
Lap Band - 2008, Sleeve - 2009, RYN - 2017
Started Program Weight July 13, 2017 - 194.2
Before Surgery Weight December 27, 2017 - 185.0
Current Weight - February 2018 - 161.0
Hang in there. I can't imagine the pain you go through when you think about your son. Be kind to yourself and try to find things that you can turn to that aren't food or drink.
I understand.
"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." ~E. Roosevelt
(Ticker includes 11 pounds lost in pre-op diet.)
Ds life is a complete new way of living for me, and I'm learning something new everyday.
Hugs to YOU!
The beginning of a whole new world.
HW-445 SW-417 CW-162 GW-175
NO YOU ARE NOT AN ADDICT!!!!!!!!!
This conflation of "addiction" and MEDICATION OF PAIN makes me want to bang my head against a wall. You are suffering and you had found a way to medicate that psychic pain. THIS IS NOT ADDICTION.
This is such a widespread fallacy that people in need of pain management get labeled addicts all. the. time.
Quit labeling yourself with an illness that you don't have and that is physically highly unprobable with food in the first place. You have emotional pain and you have been cut off from a medication that worked for you. Now you have to find new ways to cope. This is normal and healthy and YOU ARE NOT AN ADDICT DAMMIT.
You are strong and brave and have survived much. People who survive much find ways to survive. You will do exactly that again. Just make sure you don't use a substance or a self destructive behavior to do it.
Some were fed a high sugar/high fat shake and some were fed cocaine. In these studies, after a period of time the rats were blocked in the maze from getting to their food and the rats who were fed the sugar and fat were more determined to get to their food and keep attempting to reach it long after the cocaine addicted rats! They've also looked at the brain while eating and the same areas lit up as in drug addicts.
I do agree with you though about people also self-medicating with food. I think that is true to.
HW: 218, SW: 204, CW: 139 GW: 112-119
And before anyone tells me I don't know about recovery? I started with Al-Ateen when I was 14, Al-Anon at 16, OA for the first of several times at 16, and I've worked with people nce my early 20's. as a pastoral counselor since my early 20's. When Celebrate Recovery debuted, I was right there moderating my first group. Before that I utilized the tools from the Minirth-Meye Clinics and New Life Treatment Centers. I first worked the "Love Hunger" book, both personally and as a groupfacilitator, starting in 1993. (It's been redone and rereleased as "Gentle Eating.")
My deliverance first started coming around when my therapist said to me, "You don't have an addiction. You don't have an eating disorder. You have an eating INorder."
So...I suggest you surrender and change your every day routine!
