Looking for support...long story

I had my lapband done in Mexico (I'm self pay with not a ton of money) and while it worked at first, though not as well as I was told it would, I never lost more than 50 lbs.  I feel like a failure and that I wasted our money.  I basically gave up as the band just never found that sweet spot no matter how much we worked with it.  I am now 285 which is is 50 lbs more than when I got the band.  My mother passed away Jan 2010 and she was morbidly obese (We are guessing around 450+ lbs) and our relationship was not good because I felt like it was my responsibility to do everything for her and she had the chance to have a gastric bypass at no charge but didn't want to change her eating habits.  The 50 lbs I've gaines have been after her death.  I'm deathly afraid I'm becoming my mother and that's the last thing I want to do to myself or my children.

I have asked my father for a loan and he is considering it.  He wants to make sure that I do my research (which he knows I will because I'm a stickler for that) and he's very worried about my health and believes that weightloss surgery is the right answer for some people and he feels that I have a lot of things going against me and that surgery may be the extra help I need (did I mention how much I love my dad).

My husband, on the other hand is extremely pissed and is making me feel like more of a failure.  He doesn't understand why this surgey isn't working, that it has to be something I'm not doing right.  He doesn't want me to do another surgery for fear that I could die.  I understand that fear and explained to him that at 285 lbs and growing I'm not living now.  My children are 22, 17, and 14 and they say they're not embarrased of me but I've been there and I know differently.  I want to be able to go on rollercoaster rides with them, I want to be able to walk with them without losing my breath, I want to be able to wear clothes that don't have huge gaudy flowers all over them.  I want to be a mom and I want to be here longer than my mom was.

I have decided to get the surgery even if I have to do so against my husbands wishes, which is a very sad state of affairs.  Has anyone else had to do this and did it work out in the end?

My dad feels that my husband wants to keep me overweight because it keeps me his and I'm not sure if I agree with that but when I was losing weight he didn't give me much support so my dad could be right.

Right now I'm leaning towards a doctor in Mexico though I did recently read about a doctor in the US that is running a "special" for a couple of months and I messaged the woman who spoke about it.

Thanks everyone for listening, it just hurts to feel like a failure and it scares me to know that I could possibly become my mother and people who don't have issues with their weight just don't seem to understand the pain I live with every day.

You all are a blessing!

Dawn

Dawn, you're in the right place.  There are some very..... VERY knowledgeable people here who can help point you to the stats, info and everything DS.  BE prepared to do your homework and understand this for yourself.  You will have to be your own health advocate.  There's a lot to learn, a lot to digest, and a lot to understand about why this is the bazooka of WLS as opposed to the RNY and the VSG.

Your husband is dead wrong btw about "not doing things right" with the CrapBand. (and I suspect your father is right about your husband's insecurities)  There is another section here where the lap band folks have story after story about how ****TY that thing is.  IT's not you darlin'... it's that stupid thing they put in you.  Again, some folks here have had revisions from that CrapBand - and can steer you in the right direction.

We're all in different time zones...  so sometimes the responses might be slow.  Mean time,

This section will help you see that others have had the same problems with the band as you:

http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/failed_wls_second_time_aro und/

Thank you for the link...it helps to know I'm not the only one that has had problems with the band.  It makes me feel like the failure isn't all me.

I have noticed a lot of people saying that the VSG is better than the DS because of fewer complications but I really feel like the DS is the best of both worlds.  Does anyone have any input on this?

Thanks again,

Dawn

 The sleeve is a great surgery, the ds has a sleeve plus malabsorption. Being as big as you are and always with your eating to gain 50lb so fast after your mother's death, I think you need the malabsorption. It keeps the weight off and allows you to eat more normally. Just my opinion!!!

you poor dear, so much to worry about, but unfortunetly what you are going through is common for MO people.  you have to do what is best for you, yes even above your spouse.  relationships like your dad said could be a control issue for your husband to keep you MO, especially if he didn't give you support etc.  i understnad about money, but you can write this off on your taxes.  go to mexico , go to the self pay in the US for a special.  at that weight your health is comprimised, you are worth it.  maybe you can use respectful persuasion with your hubby?  maybe he is afraid if you really do this and lose weight , yo uwill leave him (have seen that too many times to count)  please do what is best for your health, and that means to get the weight off......I wish you some peace in your decision making, i know it very difficult, but this will prepare you to be a good Dspatient-and advocate for yourself......

Ah... the debate between DS vs just the VSG.  I fall on the DS side.   Particularly since I've read so many who've revised to the full DS after they've had the VSG.

I'll urge you again to read, read, read.  There is SOOOO much info that unfortunately, the "simple" yes/no answer just can't give you the whole scope of what you need to know before you make your decision.

Cheers :)

Kramer: This thread also popped up this morning: Go read every link in the thread - Put on a pot of coffee and take notes :)... LOTS of the info you're asking about is in that thread with supporting links to answer a lot of the questions you'll have.

http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/DS/4431947/Need-WLS-statistics-please/

Cheers :)

First of all, I'm biased but the DS is the BEST!!

Second, PLEASE, visit dsfacts.com and read everything. Check out the vetted surgeon list and make sure the surgeon you choose is on that list!!!!!! VERY IMPORTANT!!


My husband was NOT supportive. It was a battle. And I had a 2 year fight to get surgery whi*****luded a surgeon switch. So we has loads of time to argue our views on the WLS. I made friends IRL that were WLS patients. I came here for support and these people are amazing. I did what I needed to do for me. The night before surgery my DH drove me to Indiana. He went to the hospital with me. Stayed with me the entire time. When I had my small complication he stayed in the hospital with me there. One thing he said was, through all this you've had a positive attitude. You've never said you regret anything. And I didn't.

Fast forward, HE loves my DS almost as much as I do. It all worked out. The DS life is amazing. Dr Inman gave me my life back. I'm totally in LOVE with my DS! Just make sure you do your research and LISTEN to these wonderful people on this board!!! Good luck!


Ruby

Eventually your kids will move out on their own. The hubbs may not always be around. Only you have to live inside your skin. Is it a place you like living in? Are you healthy enough to stick around for a good long time and watch your babies have babies of their own? Maybe the husband needs to hear something along the lines of what I told my sister... If you want me dead then pull the trigger but don't expect me to slowly torture myself to death for you because I just simply don't love you that much. (She isn't speaking to me again but that's fairly normal since we go through this sort of thing about every 7 years or so lol)
Do what you have to do for YOU because only you have to live inside you and it's always better if you like the you you live in.