Back on Track Update - The DS Mental Trip
About this whole rediscovery of myself post-DS and how much of it is mental. In the week (okay, 8 days) that I've been back on track, I've purposefully been hyper-aware of my eating, listening to my body to catch that elusive feeling of full before I by-pass it, how do I feel afterwards, how is my body responding to my food choices.
Went out to lunch with co-workers today and ordered a Turkey Sausage Omlette with cheese. It came with Hashbrowns and 2 slices of toast. I ate maybe 3/4 of the omlette, 1/2 slice of ww toast and about 1/2 of the hashbrowns.
But here's the kicker . . . I actually recall the bite of omlette I was on when I realized "I'm full" . . . AND I STOPPED. The food still tasted good, I wasn't taking any of it home, I wasn't feeling deprived or upset, I was just . . . finished . . . and didn't want any more. In fact, I was a little uncomfortably full, which tells me I probably should have stopped 2-3 bites earlier.
Taught me two things:
First . . . My DS is not broken!!
Second, it confirmed for me how much of my struggle is mental. For example, I was at this same restaurant about 6 weeks ago and had . . .
3 slices bacon
2 sausage links (not the tiny ones)
1 slice of ham
2 eggs (scrambled with cheese)
hashbrowns
2 (quite large) buttermilk pancakes (yes, with butter AND syrup).
And I ATE IT ALL . . . except 1/4 of the pancakes. What kind of harm was I doing to my insides and how completely was I ignoring what my body was feeling to continue eating so much in one sitting? Admittedly, I was extremely uncomfortable the rest of the day, gassy, bloated and miserable . . . the meal wasn't even worth it. Don't get me wrong, the restaurant is great and I thoroughly enjoyed my lunch there today . . . but when you're "mindlessly" eating, you don't even really taste the food. That's what I mean when I say the mental part can override the physical. Either fullness didn't register or I ignored it . . . either way, I abused my body.
My moment at lunch today, was a wonderful revelation . . . I can be satisfied, not deprived, full . . . well then, why is there this inkling in the far recesses of my mind that wants to resent the thought that I will always have to be actively aware of what and how much I'm eating? Why resent it? It's not stressing, It's not hard, I'm not food or taste deprived of any of my favorite foods and when I look back at the 2 year free-for-all I just had . . . overindulging in those foods was NO PICNIC . . . so what is it?
Could it be that I see that as a sign that I'm not normal and I resent not being normal. Normal people don't have to think about every meal and wait for a full feeling, etc. . . . etc. . . . etc. . . . Shoot, how the heck do I know? They probably do, but think nothing of it because it's the way they're wired. WHO CARES?? I'm finding that "normal" is not quite as important as I thought it was. I'll just have to content myself with being extraordinary.
Went out to lunch with co-workers today and ordered a Turkey Sausage Omlette with cheese. It came with Hashbrowns and 2 slices of toast. I ate maybe 3/4 of the omlette, 1/2 slice of ww toast and about 1/2 of the hashbrowns.
But here's the kicker . . . I actually recall the bite of omlette I was on when I realized "I'm full" . . . AND I STOPPED. The food still tasted good, I wasn't taking any of it home, I wasn't feeling deprived or upset, I was just . . . finished . . . and didn't want any more. In fact, I was a little uncomfortably full, which tells me I probably should have stopped 2-3 bites earlier.
Taught me two things:
First . . . My DS is not broken!!
Second, it confirmed for me how much of my struggle is mental. For example, I was at this same restaurant about 6 weeks ago and had . . .
3 slices bacon
2 sausage links (not the tiny ones)
1 slice of ham
2 eggs (scrambled with cheese)
hashbrowns
2 (quite large) buttermilk pancakes (yes, with butter AND syrup).
And I ATE IT ALL . . . except 1/4 of the pancakes. What kind of harm was I doing to my insides and how completely was I ignoring what my body was feeling to continue eating so much in one sitting? Admittedly, I was extremely uncomfortable the rest of the day, gassy, bloated and miserable . . . the meal wasn't even worth it. Don't get me wrong, the restaurant is great and I thoroughly enjoyed my lunch there today . . . but when you're "mindlessly" eating, you don't even really taste the food. That's what I mean when I say the mental part can override the physical. Either fullness didn't register or I ignored it . . . either way, I abused my body.
My moment at lunch today, was a wonderful revelation . . . I can be satisfied, not deprived, full . . . well then, why is there this inkling in the far recesses of my mind that wants to resent the thought that I will always have to be actively aware of what and how much I'm eating? Why resent it? It's not stressing, It's not hard, I'm not food or taste deprived of any of my favorite foods and when I look back at the 2 year free-for-all I just had . . . overindulging in those foods was NO PICNIC . . . so what is it?
Could it be that I see that as a sign that I'm not normal and I resent not being normal. Normal people don't have to think about every meal and wait for a full feeling, etc. . . . etc. . . . etc. . . . Shoot, how the heck do I know? They probably do, but think nothing of it because it's the way they're wired. WHO CARES?? I'm finding that "normal" is not quite as important as I thought it was. I'll just have to content myself with being extraordinary.
Diva Jojo: SW: 440lbs -- CW: 274lbs -- GW: 240lbs
You so well articulated what I know I struggle with daily. Actually listening to that little conversation in your head that says "STOP" when you know you should stop eating but you want to keep going cause it tastes good or feels good or looks good or smells good...all insufficient reasons to continue eating.
Very well said.
Very well said.
Starting weight & height: 265/5' 8.5; Goal weight: 160; Current weight: 155
Wow the menu you posted from 6 weeks ago I still couldnt eat half of that in one sitting, but have never tried pancakes post op and am still too scared too!
Anyhow congrats on listening to your body. I still have to tell myself to eat every few hours and to listen to my body and not force anything down. I still have plenty of times where I want to finish the last few bites on my plate and I will wait a while and then eat them and sometimes its fine and other times I knew I shouldnt have done that. It takes time and sometimes its hard for our brain and body to work together is what I have found out, mine still doesnt like doing it!
Anyhow congrats on listening to your body. I still have to tell myself to eat every few hours and to listen to my body and not force anything down. I still have plenty of times where I want to finish the last few bites on my plate and I will wait a while and then eat them and sometimes its fine and other times I knew I shouldnt have done that. It takes time and sometimes its hard for our brain and body to work together is what I have found out, mine still doesnt like doing it!
A little bit of fear is good. If there are foods you know are triggers for you, it's wise to listen to yourself and stay away from them. . even if the timeline says it's okay to add it. Pancakes are a rare thing for me, byt chips and ice cream. . . big addiction for me, so gotta stay away for now.
Diva Jojo: SW: 440lbs -- CW: 274lbs -- GW: 240lbs
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