Let the flaming begin

Poor sweet baby. *hair caress*

You get that ONCE. Now you have to take care of YOU. Panty up, sugar britches, and get yourself into therapy YESTERDAY.

Self-sabotage: check.
Dangerous behavior: check.
Eating disorder: maybe.
Need for therapy: IMMEDIATE.

And finally, please do me a favor and tell the ******g food police to BACK THE HELL OFF!  You are a big girl and a nurse no less, and his behavior is NOT HELPING.  He is not your father, you are an adult and not only capable of, but MUST be making your own decisions.  You are rebelling badly enough against yourself, and he needs to take himself OUT of the mix.  Not only is it destructive to you, it is ABSOLUTELY destructive to your marriage -- you are headed for being a statistic in short order, both in failing your DS and destroying your marriage.

If he needs to talk to me to understand this, I'd be happy to do so.

Now get yourself to the therapist IMMEDIATELY.  This is a crisis, and you need to be seen right away.

Thanks Diana. I really, really am going to call Jackie (from Dr. Hares office) tomorrow, as well as my counselor. He is aware of my surgery and food addiction, I know I need outside help.

Can I recommend a DVD to watch?  It's called "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay.  It is so good.  I watch it weekly.  It's about not loving yourself enough.  It has changed my life.  It will help with some of your issues. 
Believe it not, Tony Robbins is pretty good as well.  Very motivating!  Good luck.  I am working on all of these issues pre-op because I would be right where you are if I didn't. 

Cathy

Thanks Cathy, I will check into that DVD.

I second the Louise Hay DVD!  I've been using her books/tapes/DVDs and affirmation cards for over twenty years and have found them VERY helpful. She has an audio CD called Change And Transition: Moving from a State of Fear into a State of Love that might be helpful (all available at amazon.com)  It sounds like you're going through the same self-sabatage I've gone through many times myself.  I want so badly to be a normal, thin person, but the second I start heading in that direction - and especially if I get some positive feedback - I start stuffing my face again! It's all about self-acceptance, which is very tough, especially after childhood abuse. Therapy is definitely in order ASAP, but the Louise Hay material can help in between sessions with the minute to minute survival!

Good luck, and know we're all here to help as we can. Sending big hugs and lots of positive energy and prayers!   

I ordered it. I am willing to try anything at this point. Thanks for the prayers and hugs :)

Emilie, you are a good egg.  I wish you only success.  It's definitely time to talk to someone.  If your therapist can't help you with the eating issues, ask him to recommend someone who can or try OA.  I don't want you to make yourself sick.  Take care of yourself.

Thanks, I feel very much a rotten egg right now. Thanks for the kind words.

I thought of OA just after my last post.  Food may not be your primary issue!  You might not want to tell them you had surgery though or at least not right away.  Just a friendly tip. 

Cathy