Let the flaming begin

Um, thanks I think William. I vow not to be dead, if only to prove you wrong. Shrink appt made, full liquids today, consulted with Nurse, feeling much stronger, and brought to my senses. Went grocery shopping today, so now more in my cupboard than cream of wheat, and chicken broth (gag) Thanks for the good luck, and wake up call, I know you are very right, if I continue eating these things. I am feeling enlightened and much stronger.

"Um, thanks I think William. I vow not to be dead, if only to prove you wrong."



I don't care who you are, that was damn funny! 

xox
T.

HI,

First I want to say thanks to BT. What an incredible post. I dont post here often but your response hit home.

Emilie, you do have the answers within yourself. Call and make an appointment with the therapist. It does sound like you are testing the boundaries of your surgery but this is completely unsafe and you risk permanent damage. I have no idea how you can eat a PB sandwich so early out, so maybe that is a question for your surgeon? Be honest with him. I had a VSG only and I still have trouble a year and a half out to eat a whole sandwich.

Address the problem now with proactive steps. I know that even with all the therapy I have had in the last 6 years since I started my journey, I still have issues with low self esteem and the ability to transfer addict because I come from a family of alcoholics and I could easily let the demons overtake me in the form of alcohol or drugs or another addiction. Hang in there. I wish I had better advice but you got plenty good advice already here!

Hugs
Babs

I have no idea how I ate that whole stinking sandwich either. Or 2 pieces of toast the night before....I will ask Dr. Hares, though I am terrified. He's going to think I am such a rotten patient. But I will be honest, though I am dreading it.

I have no self esteem. Through all I have been through, all I have conquered and accomplished, my self esteem is nada. I also am at risk for transfering addictions, my family is a big happy family of addicts, alcohol mostly, but some drug abuse to.............I don't want to go down that road. I have always prided myself on not turning to those things, but I can't hold my nose up as I would drown in hypocrisy (sp?) I went down twinkie road, and ended up a very sad, very low feeling girl.

Thanks for your post Babs. I have so much stuff to think about with all of these replies, and I really appreciate you taking the time to reply

Lots of love.

Emilie,
Glad you posted.  You trust the people on this board enough to open up and pour it out.  That is a HUGE step!!!! 


-Jamie

Thanks Jamie, all the encouragement has helped me tremendously.

Emilie, I don't know what your relation is with your current/past therapist, but you may want to find someone who has worked with bariatric patients. I think that losing weight causes us to feel much more vulnerable. Being fat has been an excuse for everything wrong in our lives, and  it is terrifying to give up that excuse. Self-destructive and self-sabotaging behavior is not uncommon.

I understand the need to do what you shouldn't, as well as the guilt and self-digust that happens when you do. Therapy has helped immensely, but will be an ongoing process. There are just so many changes after this surgery, and so many are things that I've never had to deal with before.

Joyce

THank you Joyce, I will be taking your advice and looking for someone who is experienced with bariatric patients. I think they are the only ones who could understand. Lots of love to you.

Emilie,
I think you are very courageous for posting your behavior here. ElizabethN has given you the BEST advice so far. You need to get yourself to a SAFE place where you will not be able to sabotage yourself and endanger yourself anymore!!! Please listen to EN!!!

Vanessa

Thanks Vanessa. I did reply to Elizabeth, I don't feel I am in immediate danger. I am not suicidal, and I really got a HUGE wake up call with all of these replies, talking to Dr. Hares Nurse, and my husband. I know I cannot continue this way. I went grocery shopping today, and bought all sorts of yummy food that I can actually eat. I did full liquids today to give myself a break. I also made an appt with my therapist. Thank you very much for your post,a nd your concern. Lots of love.