Let the flaming begin

No, I am not suicidal, I do not want to die. I have 3 little boys here on Earth that need me, and I am looking forward to living life in a new way. I don't feel I am a threat to myself Elizabeth, but I very much appreciate your concern. I did talk to Jackie, I did make an appt w/ my counselor, and I went grocery shopping today, all for valtrac friendly food. I feel much, much stronger, and I know I can do this. I really appreciate your concern, I really promise I am not suicidal. And, I have not strayed off track at all today. In fact, I did all liquids to give myself time to recuperate. I, very stupidly, didn't realize that I was putting myself in serious danger. I thought if I chewed the food to mush, that it would be okay. Thank God it was, I am not taking any more chances.

Okay, I'll believe you. But get this through your head: Doing what you've been doing with the food is self injury, just as surely as if you were cutting yourself, and a hell of a lot more dangerous.

As you probably know, self abuse and self mutilation are issues for a LOT of abuse survivors. One way to deal with that behavior is to establish a safety contract. I'd like to invite you to consider doing this with someone (preferably NOT your husband, who should not have to be/feel responsible for your safety), making a commitment to absolutely avoid foods and substances that endanger you. If you can't stay away from that stuff, then you need to be in an environment where you CAN be safe.

Safety contracts are very powerful tools :-).

Thanks Elizabeth, I haven't heard of a safety contract, why don't you PM me about it and let me know more about it. I really, really do feel so much better. And I have lots of good food choices in my fridge and cabinet now, that helps for sure.

 Oh my goodness hon. I am almost 3 weeks out and what you are doing would absolutely kill me. I would be doubled over in pain. I think it would also make me throw up. I did try one or two things because I was tired of mu****ried very gentle foods. I was still not ready and quickly learned no food was worth what I was putting myself through but, I didn't go anywhere close to what you are doing. I also put myself back on all liquids. 

Sweety you have a problem and you could hurt your self your wounds are still fresh you could bust your wounds. You are also not gonna lose weight like that. Sounds like your problem is mental and you really need to talk to someone and ASAP. Call the nurse at your surgeons office and ask for the number of a therapist that works with Duodenal switch patients. You need to schedule an appt. ASAP. I know what you are doing is not a good thing but I am not gonna reem you for it cause, I think you know. If you need a friend though you can write me. 

Love,
Michelle

Thank you Michelle. I wasn't thinking of the danger I was putting myself in. I was thinking of soothing my heart. Now that it has been brought to my attention how very dangerous it is what I am doing, I am stopping. I thank God nothing has come out of it, and I am not taking any more chances. I feel much, much stronger, and will continue to seek therapy, talking with the Nurse at Dr. Hares office, as well as being more regular on the boards. You are very sweet. Thank you.

Emilie - you've gotten some wonderful responses & I can't add much to them.  The only other suggestion that I can offer is to maybe remove the "bad" foods from your home for awhile, at least until you're all healed.  Eating too much at this early stage of recovery could really do some damage to your poor healing tummy.  The counseling will help you with a long-term plan, but for the short-term at least  the temptation won't be so great. 

Big hugs, my dear.  You will get through this!

Done! I only had to ask hubby once tonight to not bring in anymore of my trigger foods. Cookies, pizza, chewy white bread etc....he was more than happy to comply. And, I went grocery shopping for all friendly foods. I feel much better today. Did all liquids to let my tummy recover from the cookies. Thanks for the great advice, and hugs back to you.

Hi Emilie!  I too can add no advice, just wanted you to know that I am rooting for you!!!!! 

Get you soon therapy sweetheart!

I will keep you in my prayers!

(((((HUGS))))))

Thanks sweetheart. I will be rooting for you in a few days. The very best of luck and wishes to you :)

Hi Emilie -- I hope you were able to get some sleep last night and that you've already made a call this morning to reach out for help.  I just wanted to let you know that I'm sending you positive energy and prayers!  The DS works on our body not our head -- I've had issues as well with feeling shameful at something I've eaten.  Just want you to know that you're not alone.  Take care not to injure yourself!!!

Deb H.