family support question

I have a surgery date of April 12 for the lap band procedure. I made the announcement last night at a family dinner. I am floored at the reaction. I was told that this was a selfish decision, I should be thinking of my children incase anything happens, I have no medical conditions that warrant the surgery, and that it is for vanity purposes. I am devastated at the reaction! I have put alot of thought and research into this. My father said that he would support my decision no matter what and my husband and children have been wonderful. I am left questioning my decision. Mind you this all comes from a family where EVERYONE is overwieght (cousins, aunts, siblings, Everybody) and our family functions usually include a meal. I just donn't know if I should go forward with the surgery without the support that I though I would have.

Darline. You have to do what is right for YOU. Some family members are just scared and some might be jealous. Find your support elsewhere. Some people will come around and some might not ever, but if you are comfortable with your decison, that is all that counts. Good luck. Ellen

Darlene, Many members of my family were against me having surgery until I had one on one talks with them and then some truely understood my reasoning. My husband was against it . He kept asking me not to do it. He never said he approved but did go with me to D.C. to every appointment. I personally feel the decision to have surgery should be your decision and NO ONE has the right to tell you you are selfish or greedy. I had people in my family say I took the easy way out but of course not to my face. There is nothing easy about this surgery. Your family sounds like they don't want you to lose weight do to selfish reasons they have. My family is mostly obese too and our funtions are around food. I am happy to say 10 months later that my newphew has had surgery and 3 other family members are checking into it. We still have family funtions with food. I deal with it fine and my family accepts the way I eat. I am still the same person. Please make this decision on your own. If you are not having surgery for yourself you are having it for wrong reasons. THIS IS YOUR LIFE. Take care and keep your head up. See you lighter. Joanne Hammond OBESITY HELP CHAPTER LEADER.

You have to do what is right for you. My husband wasnt sure if he agreed with me to have the surgery because he was scared of the unknown. He stated that we ''didnt have the best of luck'' and if anything would happen then it would happen to me. Well with my uncontrolled Diabetes, High Blood Pressure and I was facing even more problems. I now have both the Diabetes and High Blood Pressure under control WITHOUT medication, have lost 40lbs, have lost over 11inches, exercise 7 days a week and have more energy then I know what to do with all since my surgery 11/16/06. My decision was mine alone and it was the best decision that I could of made for my Health. Please research your decision whatever one you make....... Sharon ObesityHelp Leader

Thank you all for your support!

Darline, I was afraid to tell my family about my decision to have the surgery. I got a lot of question and my decission was the topic for some time. Yes most of my family was againest. But in the end they came around. I was also told I was being selfish. My reply to them was if worring about the affect of obesity is selfish than I am. So if you are sure about this step then they are just going to have to accept it. They will love you no matter what. Carolyn

Hi Darline, I think everyone here has about covered it for you. I was lucky and really had full support of my family and friends. I did however run into a few people that thought I was absolutely nuts. I basically told them to either get behind me and support me in this, or back off completely because I was accepting nothing less than full support in my choice. Sometimes people do it out of fear or ignorance, sometimes out of love and caring, mostly a mixture of the two. As the others have said, the only way you can do this is to be confident in the choice you have made for yourself, be confident in your doctor and educated about all aspects, both long and short term of what you are about to do, and get ready for an experience like no other! Take them with you to support group meetings and let them attend doctors visits with you and ask questions. Allowing them ( if they really ant to that is ) to become part of the process with you, takes alot of the fear away. Hopefully they will join you in your excitement and cheerlead you all the way to the OR and after! You have the support of your father, hubby and kids. Trust me, THAT is the biggie right there and the rest are really pretty incidental. I know that may sound REALLY harsh but it's true. You can still be part of family functions that include a meal vry easily. Just takes a bit of pre-planning in the beginning and as time goes on it becomes less of an issue and you normalize. Linda

If your husband and children support you that is all that matters ! My husband said he would support me what ever my decision was. My oldest daughter wasn't too happy about it she "knew someone" who had it and "he looked awful" ! Come to find out he wasn't doing what he was supposed to ....Protein first ..... ( his meal of choice I was told was coffee) So I took my two oldest daughters to a support meeting. My middle daughter said she would support me. To me other family members were an afterthought....My reasoning was I have been overweight my whole life no one knows what I have been through since they never had that problem. Sandy

Dar: Just read your posting friend and you know that you have all of the support you need in me. You need to do what is right for you, not for your family. You have research this in full and you know what you are getting into with this surgery. You have no health risk so in my opionon no better time to have this surgery. You will breeze thru this with no complications, you are like 100 x's healthier then I was at the time of surgery. Please trust in me and my love and support, girlfriends never let the other one fall................. Love Ya, Joy