A Reflection...

You are thinking right now....Debbie is going to go into what she sees in the mirror right? Nope wrong. I am going deeper than that. The journey has been a good one and I definintely have documented it well but there are times where I wasn't sure if I like myself for me.....I woke up today thinking WOW I truly like me. I feel I lost me along the road to fatness. I think I stopped communicating with myself. To get those nerve endings back has been a long road. It was worth it. So now that I am liking me do I stop the therapy? My therapist would probably disagree! LOL. To everyone this journey is not just about a size. Its about you. Who you really are is there and awaiting for recognition. Have you recognized yourself today? I have! Have a great weekend. I have to get ready for Tim's Aunt's funeral. She lived a good life too 78 years young. Joining her husband who died a year ago. True sweethearts I guess you can say! Debbie

Hi Debbie, Interesting post. Timely too as Elissa and I had a discussion similar to this one the other day. I know in the course of my journey I have dredged up more stuff than I care to admit. The kicker is, the stuff is completely different than I THOUGHT it was. During my 10 - 15 year sentence in the Fatville Penitentiary, I learned to take what issues I had and stuff them so effectively, that I was developing newer ones and masked them almost completely. I say newer ones, but they were always there and I knew they were there, it was just easier to blame my feelings at the time on fat. I don't have that luxury anymore and have to deal with what's going on. I'm still learning to like me. Hell, I'm still learning who I even AM. I try to presnt myself as the woman I was pre-fat problems, and try to presnt myself as the woman I want to be now. It's difficult. I probably have the lowest self esteem of anyone that you will ever meet, but that's ok, I just keep working on it. I have found I am definitely my own worst enemy, I self sabotage in all areas with the exception of my surgery! LOL, how screwed up is that? That's the one thing that gives me hope for the rest of me eventually following through on other self doubts I have. I managed to do the BIGGIE of surgery and remain completely commited to its success even as I am approaching 2 years out. So I know I have that level of committment in me, it's just a matter of learning to apply it in other areas of my life. Now that you all know WAY more about me than you ever cared to, I'll end this post. Self reflection is a good thing, however I always manage to elevate it to a performance art piece in over analyzation Linda