TOO MANY QUESTIONS!

I posted this on two different boards, but Christie reminded me that I have a wonderful support group in this Delaware board. Thanks Christie! The time is getting closer. Just 20 more days until my surgery. I have been a ball of mixed emotions. Sometimes I am so excited about starting my new life, and sometimes I am so damn scared. Recently I have been feeling a little depressed and very exhausted. I don't know if this is normal or not, but I guess it may be. I had a wonderful holiday full of love and light. I spent it with my family and friends, and my life's partner, Karen. I believe it was the best holidays of my life. I really have no reason to feel depressed. Maybe it is because of the losses this surgery represents. Not just the positive one (i.e. weight loss), but the scary ones. My life will be forever changed. Am I ready to deal with these changes? Other than physically, how will the weight loss change me? Will I be me? If not then who will I be? What if I don't succeed? Where will I find the protection (or illusion of) that my body provides me? How will I deal with unwanted attention? Will people still love me and feel safe with me? How will my partner react to my weight loss? Will it change my personality? So many questions! No wonder I can't sleep at night. Have any of you faced this? Am I just trippin'??? Rosa

OMG, Rosa. Welcome to the rollercoaster ride of your life. What you are experiencing is very normal. WHOA!! See you are normal after all. Deep isn't it? The only advice I can give is to stay positive and focused. Your only goal will be YOUR HEALTH for a while. This is where the support groups can be your friend. Come and find out how truely normal you are and how others have changed. You will see that what you are feeling is right on target with this whole journey. It's not what you loose, it's what you gain along the way. Remember to walk, sip & breathe. Then do it again and again. And for goodness sake remember your chapstick. ((HUGS)) Elissa

Hi Elissa, Thanks so much for taking the time out to respond to my panic! Your advice is well taken. I will try to relax and stay positive. I have joined the Rehoboth support group (which is awesome), but like an idiot I missed this past meeting. I had so much I wanted to talk about. Oh well, thank God I have you guys! And don't worry, I already have my chapstick packed! LOL Big Hug, Rosa

Darlin you are a normal WLSer! Welcome to the club! Hell, I still have my doubts especially now that I've hit another Plateu (I haven't lost since 2 weeks before Christmas). Frankly, the only thing I've really had to give up is my portion sizes. I used to eat a TON in 1 sitting, now I stop myself at around 1/2 to 3/4 of a cup, but I eat more often and ALWAYS start the day with some kind of protein breakfast. The weight loss has been incredible. I look at it as my "inner hottie" coming out! LOL Somebody that has always been there, but has just been in hiding for the past 15 years or so. Prepare yourself and get a good support system in place starting now. This will affect your relationships, some for the better, some for the worse, just be prepared to roll with it and don't be afraid to seek professional help if needed. That is also perfectly normal. Heck, if we all didn't have some "issues" we wouldn't be in this predicament in the first place. We are here for you and each other.

Thanks Dineen. Thank God I do have a wonderful support group, and I know that no matter what they will love me just the same. Sometimes it helps to be reminded of that! Man, I can't wait for my "inner hottie" to make her entrance. Poor thing has been trying to come out for 44 years! Big Hugs, Rosa

Rosa, This time last year I was riding the same roller coaster you are riding now. All your feelings are normal. Take a good look at your life and journal . Ask yourself why you want to have this surgery. What will your life be like in a year or so if you don't get it? I can only answer for myself but I saw myself heading to disability or death in a few years. That was not the life I wanted. For New Years I sat back and reflected on my life in the past year. Yes I lost weight after fighting many complications but I have gained so much more. I can really say I am looking forward to this year and what it has to offer. My only regret is I didn't do this sooner. See you lighter soon. Joanne

Thanks Joanne, I love your idea of journaling why I want to have the surgery and how my life will be if I don't get it. I have some time off tomorrow and will do just that. Maybe I will get the courage up to post it. We will see. Thanks again. You are always a wonderful support for me. Big Hugs, Rosa

Rosa, Support is only a phone call away. Feel free to call me anytime. You think you have questions now! You will have more the day after surgery. I know I did. Can't wait to see the person inside . See you lighter. Joanne

Rosa, What you're feeling is completely normal. I had the exact same feelings before my surgery. I have a very fit and attractive partner, who has always preferred larger women, so I was worried that she wouldn't be as attracted to me as I lost the weight. At the same time she was worried that I may not want her anymore at that point. We were both being silly. Our relationship continues to grow stronger each day. You can't help the unwanted attention, it happens...but how you react to it is up to you. I look at the people who give me that attention and think "You wouldn't have paid attention to me 110 pounds ago", which give me a great boost, and allows me to walk past those people. Will the weight loss change you? It might. I found that I am less likely to put up with crap, but I am also a nicer person, because I'm a happier person. I'm less likely to cut you off in traffic, or to flip you off for cutting in front of me I sent you an email just before Christmas, with an invitation to contact me if you have any questions, or need to talk to someone who's been through what you're going through, and shares your lifestyle. That invitation is still good. Joni 309/201/140

Hi Joni, Thanks so much for answering my post. Your first paragraph really hit home. Karen has always liked larger women and sometimes she jokingly says "you better not get too skinny". I know she will love me no matter what, but I do worry about it. She is also worried that when I loose weight i will not want her anymore. I tell her all the time that I have the best in her so why would I want to downgrade! I'm sure we will be fine. It will just take some adjusting and keeping the faith we have in each other. Thanks for the email offer. I think I will take you up on it! Big Hug, Rosa