WHAT&WHO AM I?WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE?

WELL TO TELL YOU THRUTH I HATE TO WRITE THIS BUT I NEED TO VENT.YOU SEE THE FIRST 3 MONTHS WAS SUPER ALL THE ENERGY AND HAPPY AND OUTGOING BUT NOW WHAT AND WHO AM I NOW AND WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE SO CONFUSE AND SO UNHAPPY.I HATE EVEN THE THOUGHT OF TRYING TO EAT AND DRINK,I CAN KEEP STUFF DOWN BUT FEEL NAUSEA ALOT AND THEN I HAVE TO TAKE PROMETHAZINE TO MAKE THE NAUSEA GO AWAY.THEN THEY HAVE ME TAKING TINCTURE OF OPIUM SUPPOSE TO HELP CLEAR UP THE DIRREAH PROBLEM THEY HOPE.I WAS TAKING THIS IN THE HOSPITAL FIRST THEN WHEN I GOT OUT THEY TOLD ME TO GET IT AND I JUST FOUND A PLACE THAT HAD THIS MEDICINE.SO YESTERDAY WAS THE FIRST DAY I TOOK IT TWICE AND THIS MORNING I GOT UP WITH A BAD HEADACHE AND THEN AFTER I WAS UP AND MOVING AROUND AND TOOK THIS MEDICINE IT WAS FINE IT SCARES ME,AM I ADDICTED TO IT AND TO MY OTHER MEDICINES?I ALSO TAKE CARAFATE 4X DAY,OPUIM 3X DAY,PROMETHAZINE EVERY 6 HOURS,OR IF NEEDED,ALSO HYDROCODINE W/APAP ELIXIR FOR PAIN WHEN NEEDED,REMERON AT NIGHT FOR DEPRESSION.WOW I AM SO MESSED UP AND CONFUSED AND SO SAD I DON'T KNOW WHICH WAY TO TURN.I EVEN HATE THE THOUGHT OF THANKSGIVING DINNER THE FOOD YULK.IT'S NOT THAT I'M NOT THANKFUL FOR MY FAMILY OR FRIENDS,LOSING WEIGHT,A HOME AND FOOD TO EAT BUT I HAVE ALL THESE HARMONES FIGHTING INSIDE ME I DON'T KNOW WHO IS KILLING WHO INSIDE ME,SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO CRY BUT IT DON'T LAST LONG THEN IT BECOMES ANGER,LIKE I WANT TO TARE UP THE HOUSE OR PUNCH SOMETHING TO DEATH YES I AM HAVING A SUPER MELT DOWN AND IT IS GETTING ME DOWN AND I AM TAKING MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS WITH ME NOT MEANING TO HURT ANYONE BUT I AM.SOMETIMES I JUST FEEL LIKE SCREAMING SO LOUD BUT FOR WHAT OR AT WHO.I KNOW I HAVE BEEN SICK THE PAST 3 MONTHS AND BEEN IN AND OUT OF THE HOSPITAL 4 TIMES AND NOT KNOWING IF THIS PROMBLEM CAN BE FIXED OR THE DOCTOR'S GUESSING IT IS IRRATABILE BOWELS THEY THINK WOW JUST PUT ANY OLE DAM LABLE TO ME AND GIVE ME ANY OLE PILL.YES I AM MAD.I DON'T REGRET HAVING THE SURGERY FOR I HAVE LOST 120 POUNDS BUT JUST GOING THROUGH THIS IS SO EMOTIONAL AND IT IS GETTING THE BEST OF ME.I AM FINDING IT HARD TO GET BACK ON TRACK TO EAT,DRINK AND TAKE MEDS ON TRACK.I ALOS KNOW THERE ARE OTHERS HAVE BEEN THROUGH MORE ROUGH TIMES THEN ME JUST WONDERING HOW DID THEY HANDLE THINGS OR ARE YOU NOT ABLE TO HANDLE IT?I FEEL SORRY FOR MY HUSBAND WHICH IS A GREAT HUSBAND,WE BEEN HAVING WORDS AND THEN I JUST LOOK AT HIM LATER AND MY HEART ACHES FOR HIM HE DOESN'T DESERVE THIS.ANY ADVICE IS MORE THEN WELCOME,OR MAYBE I JUST NEED TO BE TOLD OFF.I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE.HELP PLEASE.THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME VENT AND THANK YOU INADVANCE FOR ANY ADVICE.YOUR CONFUSED FRIEND BONNIE

Bonnie...((HUGS)) I am sooooo sorry you are going through all of this. I cannot be of much help as I am STILL only pre-op. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Just remember you have alot of friends and support on this board and we all love and care about you very much. I pray that you will soon be out of this slump. I'm sure things will get better! Hang in there! Stacey

HELLO STACEY SWEETIE THANK YOU FOR REPLYING TO ME IT MEANS ALOT.JUST ANSWERING MY POST HELPS ME MORE THEN YOU RELIAZE.YES I KNOW I SHOULD GET OVER MYSELF BUT IT HAS BEEN A STRUNGLE AND I AM TRYING HARD TO HELP MYSELF BUT SOMEDAYS I DON'T EVEN WANT TO GET UP THAT IS PRETTY BAD AND THIS ALSO MAKES ME FEEL BAD BECAUSE I AM SUPPOSE TO BE HELPING YOU AND OTHERS OUT,IT IS HARD TO HELP OTHERS WHEN I CAN'T EVEN HELP MYSELF,WAIT TAKE THAT BACK,I LOVE HELPING OTHERS OUT AND I WILL DO MY HARDEST TO POST AND REPLY.I AM HERE REGUARDLESS OF HOW I FEEL FOR THIS ISN'T ABOUT ME,RIGHT.I KNOW I CAN BE STRONG ENOUGH TO HELP OTHERS OUT BECAUSE IT IS EASIER TO DO THAT THEN FIX MYSELF LOL.HONEY JUST OVER LOOK ME I'M SO DOPED UP I DON'T KNOW IF I'M COMING OR GOING LOL.BUT I DO LOVE HELPING YOU ALL OUT FOR THAT IS PART OF ME I LOVE PEOPLE AND I DO HAVE 2 SHOULDERS TO LEAN ON.I AM HERE FOR YOU ALL.THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THE LOVE AND SUPPORT.YOUR FRIEND BONNIE

Bonnie, Don't you worry about us. Just take care of yourself and get better. Get those Docs to straighten out your meds and get to the bottom of this. You need to be there for YOU and you deserve the best for yourself. You add such a special touch to this board and I know everyone is rooting for ya. STAY STRONG !!! Stacey

Bonnie, I wish there was something magical that I could give you to take all this away. Just know that I'm praying for you.

OH DINEEN BRING THAT MAGIC GIRLFRIEND AND QUICK I NEED IT FAST LOL.THANK YOU FOR CARING AND SENDING PRAYERS AND LOVE AND SUPPORT IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME.I TOLD STACEY I DO HAVE TO GET OVER MYSELF BUT HONEY IT IS HARD AS H_LL.THANK YOU FOR BEING A GOOD FRIEND.TAKE CARE YOUR FRIEND BONNIE

Bonnie, gather up all of the medications that you are currently taking and put them in a bag and take them all to your pharmacist. He can go thru all of them and make sure there's no drug interactions or timing problems with them and he can put you on a set schedule where you're getting the optimum performance from each medication. Debbie's right, and I'm kicking myself because I didn't think of that sooner. Drug interactions can be a bad thing and the pharmacist has a complete database of all drug interactions.

Bonnie, Hugs girlfriend! You need them. Do yourself a favor call the Dr. I think the meds are affecting more than the physical problems. I will be praying for you to get better soon.

Hi Bonnie. Keeping you in my prayers that soon you will feel like a million bucks. Did the pants fit???? ((HUGS)) Elissa

Hi Bonnie, I'm so sorry that you're having all these difficulties. I wish I could just make everything better for you. Do you think you need to seek a second opinion from someone else? I know Dr. Irgau is great, but sometimes doctors have trouble admitting that they don't know everything. It might help to get a fresh perspective on the problem. I'm just as confused as you are as to why now - why didn't these problems surface earlier? I know it's not much, but Bonnie, me and lots of other folks are praying for you, and as frustrating as it, try to hang in there and believe everything will work out. Your friends are all pulling for you!!!!!