Distracted...

Okay I know I'm doing the recent surgery, adjusting lifestyle, back to work thing and that it's distracting to me, but I have been given another distraction. My X has decided to sell the house I live in and I have to move in a shorter time frame than I was planning (I don't even know if it's possible since he ruined my credit!) I had been planning to move next summer, after the school year was over, but now I need to find a place ASAP and pretty much uproot the kids in the midde of a school year and place them somewhere else. I have no idea where to go, I don't want to keep moving around either. I want to find a place and have it be home for me and them. It's hard enough knowing that the home where they all had their first steps will no longer be where we live! I hate the house and neighborhood though, so it's not going to be TOO difficult, but will definitely be the "last step" to being totally on my own after this divorce. Talk about a new life here, surgery for weight loss, a new job, and now, a new place to live and 3 kids to help make it a less difficult reality. Those who know me, please, come up with something for me, ideas suggestions, keep in mind I need 3 bedrooms and that it's going to be expensive, and keep in mind that I'm beyond frazzled right now. When I question you it isn't to give you grief, it's to help me figure things out. Have I mentioned that I'm ready to pull out my hair? Save the protein for something else? Okay, I'm getting weird. I'll talk later, hopefully after work when I get my nails done it will relax me some. I was sick this morning (breakfast and I fought and breakfast won.) so I'm not getting to go to choir (hurt my throat when the egg came back out) so I'm going to attempt to rest, I deserve some rest. I am soooo totally stressed here, I need someone to hold me for a while and tell me it will be okay... someone to take care of me for a little bit. I can't stand being the one who takes care of everyone else for too much longer, I feel like I'm going to snap! Love you all, Rachel

Rachael, Been there and done that and have the battle scars to prove it. You have got to hold on honey. For your sake and for the 3 little ones. No matter how tough it gets, try to stay positive and focused. You are getting healthier by the day which is good. You have a good job you like which is good. God will provide. Start looking right away for housing. Are you gonna rent? Are you looking at houses or apts? Write down what you need. Make lists of what you need to do. Try to priortize. And for God's sake keep a journal. 25 yrs later when you look back at all this stress & nonsense, you can be happy that it is all behind you and realize how much better and stronger a person you are for it. Pat yourself on the back, you are doing good. It will be tough, but it will get better. Get energized and stay motivated. You have so much ahead of you. I'm in your section cheering for you dear. ((HUGS)) Elissa

Honey..........the books we could write.....!!!!!!! We could be billionaires!! What is that saying, "Been there, done that, read the book, saw the movie and bought the t-shirt"!!!!!! I have been through things in my life that thinned my hair considerably as well, but all we can do is remember your blessings daily - your 3 children - and let them lift you up enough to just get through each day. I know things seem horrible and out of control but you will handle this and you will get through this and when all is said and done, believe it or not, you will look back and say, "D#*n, I am one helluva strong woman!!!!!" And you will know it to be true - after that, nothing will ever seem so dire again. Your kids will see that strength that pulled them through and in the long run they will come to realize how much that means and how fantastic you are for being that way - they will be stronger because of you! But like I said, take it one day at a time right now, step by step...Don't fret yourself into a frenzy - it will make you crazy. Give yourself time to cry, be angry etc., but just don't keep dwelling on it. You sound like a person with a lot of personality and passion to me - I don't think this will keep you down for long!!!! I don't think you will let it!!!! Just know that I am here for you - let me know what you need, if you need to talk, whatever. Ok? I will be thinking about you and praying for you, Rachel. Take care, God Bless and hug those babies of yours!!!!! Jo

I don't know. We debated a similar issue on another messageboard that I frequent. The final outcome after about a week and 6 pages of posts is that there's the wife's version, the husband's version, then somewhere in between is the truth.

Hey Dee, I know you have to say that cuz you work with the X, but the reality is, there's a very honest person in this situation (me) and a very crooked, warped, lying person in this situation (your co-worker). When it comes to him, I don't lie, don't fabricate things, etc... no need to... he makes himself look like enough of an idiot on his own. He's selling the house cuz he refinanced the mortgage and in the process doubled the mortgage payment and can't afford to make the payments anymore. He didn't make the repairs to the house he was supposed to make despite me giving him money, if they had been made, I'd pay rent, but not more than the original mortgage amount. The rest of that financial burden, the extra amount of money he owes each month, etc... that isn't my fault in any way, but last night he asked me for $1200 for this month's mortgage payment. I have the kids, what makes him think I can afford an extra $1200 a month when I pay out more than that a month in child care costs alone? Bottom line, he screwed up, again, and now that I have a job, wants me to take the fall for him or at least bail him out... maybe he should have his finace do that instead... Want me to forward to you the email he sent me telling me sorry but I'm selling the house, hope you're not too upset? He never asked for help before this, never told me there was an issue, just out of the blue "by the way, I'm selling the house." I may not be terribly shocked by the news, but he knew all along that I was planning to move next summer, now he wants me to get out faster, and I don't know that I can manage that until he gives me his gross income so we can calculate the new child support amount (have to pay out of pocket now and his rate per child will go up) and then work out the budget and see how much rent/mortgage I can afford on my own so I can figure out where to move to... Did I mention that the money he's had for 2 years to fix the house up hasn't been used for the well being of his children but now that he wants to sell he's willing to make repairs and that he doesn't plan to repay me for it knowing full well I gave it to him because it was for the children and at that point in time I was under the impression I was still on the mortgage and deed to the house? I haven't had a full time paycheck yet. With going back in the hospital, and all the other garbage going on related to surgery, I haven't had the ability to get one yet. Won't for at least another few weeks. The "extra money" as he calls it (anything above and beyond child support he considers extra) has been paying daycare costs and food costs because I no longer have the state paying for it... funny how that works, isn't it? I'm hoping to find a way to make ends meet with rent, child care, etc... sooner than Feb, but if Dave won't cooperate with the renewal of the child support documents I can't move sooner than that for him... don't think I can finance it all on my own. He just doesn't care about what the kids and I have as our living expenses, he assumes that we have more than enough, even when it was only child support we lived on, he only sees that he pays out huge amounts of money because of poor choices in his life. Shame that he can't think outside his own bubble and realize I can't afford to bail him out any more than his parents can. Rachel

I don't know. We debated in issue very similar to this one on another board that I frequent. The final outcome after about a week and 5 pages of posts is that there's the wife's version, the husband's version, then somewhere in between there's the truth.

Sorry, it didn't show up the first time so I did it again and it didn't show up again so I went off and did something else, now they're both here and I can't delete one.