Am I just happy FAT?

Hi all. Usually I am just a "stalker" on the board. I read what everyone else writes and comiserate. Not today. I have been thinking about something for a while. Am I just happy being fat? Realistically, NO I am NOT. I hate the was I look, the way my hips, knees, feet and back hurt like hell all of the time, the way people look at me and say "oh she's pretty, if she could just lose some (lots of) weight". I want this friggin' asthma to go away. But, usually I am so passive about it. I've been fat for so long that I am afraid of looking any other way. Or feeling better. What would I do? Luckily my PMRI classes start tonight. Hopefully I will find other people who feel the same way. Thanks for listening to the "b*&^h fest".

Jennifer Welcome. Keep posting. I loved your post, I loved your profile, I love your step-mom (how cool is she?), LOL. All I can say is that you are very serious about this. People who think about every angle and every detail are prone to succeed. Good luck with your journey and with your PMRI class tonight. Do try to attend support group meetings, too. Hope to meet you soon. Dianne

Hi Jennifer, good to see you posting! It's good to look at all the different aspects that this will change your life, it makes you more likely to know what is coming post-op! I'm also glad you felt comfortable enough to post so honestly! Hugs to you as you begin this journey! We all have done some level of prep work, many have had the surgery, and all of us are supportive of anyone who shows a need for support... I'm personally glad to see you here and am off to read your profile. This will impact your life in so many ways that it is normal to have reservations, you get "comfortable" in your skin, it's yours, it's what you know, etc... but you know what? I'd rather be comfortable in a lot less skin than this... so I'm going to be. Hugs to you and if there is anything you need to talk about, we're here for you! Rachel

Thanks for your support. I guess knowing I have a problem is half the battle of beating it, right? I even have a "skinny" picture on my refrigerator. Do you think that would make me NOT open the damn thing? Of course not. hahaha.

I refuse to look at my "skinny" pictures... they just remind me how stupid I was at the time to think that I was fat! UGH, what was wrong with me, I'd kill to have that body again, or at least have surgery... wait, that's what I'm doing! LOL... Seriously, I was an idiot who put health below appearances and thought that the number on the tag of my clothes and on the scale meant more than the fact that I was extremely healthy, muscular, and well proportioned even though I was 180lbs... What's scary to me sometimes now is that I realize to get back to the 180 mark that I will lose enough weight to be an entire other person... how horrible is it that I allowed my health to get this bad... shame on me... Please note, this is not condemnation of anyone else, just myself, I am only responsible for myself and only have the right to chastise myself... This actually serves as motivation for me, believe it or not, because I like to be "perfect" all the time, haven't really been too successful with that though! Hugs to all Rachel

Welcome Jennifer. The surgery will fix one thing for sure. Your tummy. All you gotta work on is your head. Good luck. Sounds like you are ready for this journey. When we are sick of being obese and we've tried every diet that comes down the pike and we keep failing, it's cool to be on the Looser's bench for once. Read some of our profiles. You'll see alot of similarities in all of us. You are definetly in the right place. Get ready for the ride of your life. ((HUGS)) Elissa

HELLO JENNIFER,PLEASE FEEL FREE TO POST ANYTIME,WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU AND WHATEVER WE CAN DO TO HELP YOU WE ARE HERE.I CAN RELATE TO YOU,I WAS SO TIRED OF ALL THE PAIN AND SUFFERING AND I WAS SLOWLY DYING AND MY DOCTOR TOLD ME I DIDN'T HAVE LONG TO LIVE BEGINNING OF THIS YEAR AND SHE SAID IF I DIDN'T HAVE THE SURGERY DONE I WASN'T GOING TO BE HERE TO USE NONE OF THE THINGS THAT I NEEDED TO GET TO HELP ME GET AROUND AND HELP TO DO OTHER THINGS.SO I DECIDED IT'S TIME TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT AND I AM SO GLAD I HAD THIS DONE I KNOW I'M ONLY JUST ABOUT 3 MONTHS OUT BUT HONEY I HAVE LOST 47 POUNDS IN THAT TIME AND 45 POUNDS I LOST BEFORE SURGERY AND I ALREADY FEEL BETTER.YOU NEED ANYTHING PLEASE LET ME KNOW AND I WILL DO THE BEST I CAN TO HELP YOU.I DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING BUT I CAN BE A SUPPORT PERSON FOR YOU AND I'M LEARNING NEW THINGS TOO.SO GOOD LUCK AND HANG IN THERE.YOUR FRIEND BONNIE