BIKINI pic finally posted!!!

Debbie girl ... my heart sank when I read your reply. You my friend have done so wonderfully ... I just wish you could wrap your mind around just how much you have accomplished. YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY AWESOME!!! Your journey has been ABSOLUTELY AWESOME!!! But the hard cold truth is ... no amount of weight is going to be enough until you love yourself right where you are. Ya know? I know, I know so much easier said than done. So much easier to see the tag size and justify why you would just happen to wear a smaller size. So much easier to see the imperfections in the mirror instead of the all that is good and right. So easy to skim over all you have accomplished while looking at what you have yet to achieve. Truthfully Deb, none of it will ever be enough if we are totally relying upon external forces to validate us. I have done it all Deb ... ALL!!! Truly I do understand. And just like you, all it took was a glance that was a little off ... or a word out of place and it hit home and caused me to cra**** was crazy how others could hold MY self worth in THEIR hands or mouths. Truly that is the danger of allowing someone else to set our self worth, good or bad. It usually won't weather a storm. Truly Debbie, I struggled with this so much. If I had to put a finger on my biggest post op struggle this would be it. The self flagellation, the self doubt, it was all so overbearing. Like you, all it took was one single person saying something the least bit wrong, looking at me the least bit funny, etc and I would fall apart. I went to my PCP earlier this year and swore I would NEVER go back. I was thrown for such a loop by an ignorant comment on her part. I was totally crushed ... She walked into the room not even looking up, only looking at my chart and said "So have you decided whether you are going to get the WLS surgery?" WHAT WHAT WHAT WHHHHHAAAAATTTTTTT? Now I know I have not necessarily done extremely well with this surgery. I KNOW I am not skinny mini here, but come on ... DID I STILL LOOK LIKE I DID AT 100+ pounds ago??? Did I still LOOK like I NEEDED the surgery? There is no way I even would come close to qualifying for surgery now, and yet here I was ... simply crushed by her insensitive and unthought out remark. I was in a tailspin for quite a while. I internalized it all. And I was sure that I was a complete failure. Truly it took a lot to recover from that one Deb. How crazy is that? But recover I have and have went on to become even stronger. It took me to finally come to realization that my worth was not wrapped up in my size, whether larger or small. My worth was not wrapped up into someone else's opinion of me. My worth was not wrapped up in my imperfections of which I have many. In fact, my worth was and is wrapped up in my Maker. He values me, and He values YOU. The things of this earth can never determine our true worth. Truly Deb, this has been an entirely too long of a process for me to come to peace with, but it has been so very freeing. I can now look in the mirror and say, "Yeah, you could lose some more, and yeah, you are NOT a super model ... but YEAH, you are okay just the same." Things of this earth are temporal. These things (imperfections) can be changed (with enough money of course) should they truly be stumbling blocks for us. BUT these things should not decide how we live our lives or if we even really live at all? Ya know? Deb, you are a STRONG STRONG woman ... you will get past this. Truly the more I read and talk with others the more I realize that this truly is one the biggest hurdles for so many of us post-ops!!! I am emailing my phone number to you ... please give me a call at your convenience. I have more that I just can't seem to be able to get down into words. Just know that truly I do know how you feel, and I would love to try and help you see the beautiful Deb that the rest of us see. BTW - here is the link to the post on the main board, perhaps you will find something here that the others have posted that will help. http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/messageboard/postdetail/1378600.html?vc=0 Hugs and Tammy

Deb, Just sent the email. Please leave a message if you miss me. I will be in and out ... a dear friend lost her battle with cancer yesterday and so I will be in and out with errands with that, BUT I really do want to talk with you as soon as you can call. Hugs and Tammy

Well......I would NEVER wear a bikini !!!! Never a speedo either!!!! Just not my style. Tammy, you are such a great inspiration!! thank you. Ken

Ahhh come on now Ken, you would look WONDERFUL in a cute little kini!!! ummmm good to hear about the speedo ... personally, I do not find a speedo AT ALL attractive on a man. *shudders* (Swim) Boxers ALL the way!!! It is good to see your handsome face posting!!! Hope all is well in your neck of the woods!!! Hugs, Tammy

SENDING YOU (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) YOUR A SWEETHEART,YOU KNOW TAMMY WE ALL HAVE FELT BAD ABOUT OURSELF ONE WAY OR ANOTHER BUT HAVING THIS KIND OF SUPPORT REALLY HELPS THE SUN COME OUT AND MAKE IT BRIGHTER. GOD HAS SHOWN ME SO MANY THINGS IN MY LIFE AND I KNOW I SURE DIDN'T DESERVE IT,BUT GOD WAS SO KIND AND HE HAS OPEN MY EYES TO SEE AND FEEL DIFFERENT ABOUT MYSELF YES I WAS ALWAYS HARD VERY HARD ON MYSELF BUT TO KNOW I WAS GIVEN THIS SECOND CHANCE TO LIFE I'M VERY BLESSED AND IT SURE HAS MADE MY HEART MORE LOVING,YES I WAS LOVING BEFORE BUT NOTHING LIKE NOW,I JUST WANT TO BRAKE OUT INTO HAPPY TEARS TO KNOW I NO LONGER HAVE TO SUFFER LIKE I DID BEFORE,SEE I WAS JUST ABOUT HAD TO GO INTO AWHEELCHAIR AND THE DOCTOR TOLD ME THIS WOULD BE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE AND IT WAS SO HARD TO DO ANYTHING WITHOUT PAIN OR GIVING OUT FROM TRYING SO HARD.I COULD BARELY WALK,BREATHE,HAVE FUN,I WAS JUST ABOUT IN THE GRAVE,YES I KNOW I STILL HAVE AWAYS TO GO FOR THE WEIGHT TO COME OFF BUT WHAT WEIGHT HAS COME OFF I CAN ALREADY FEEL THE DIFFERENCE AND I THINK THINGS DIFFERENTLY TOO.......POSITIVE POSITIVE POSITIVE,OPEN MIND,HAPPIER.I AM HERE AND I'M ALIVE,WELL I GUESS YOU HEARD ENOUGH OUT OF ME LOL BUT I JUST WANT TO SHARE THIS WITH YOU AND I PRAY OTHERS WILL GET TO SHARE THIS TOO,YOUR A BEAUTIFUL PERSON ALWAYS REMEMBER GOD MADE YOU BE PROUD,YOUR FRIEND BONNIE

Bonnie, It is so good to know that you are feeling so much better. I pray you continue to heal daily. Like you, I was headed for a wheelchair. My body was giving out on me. BUT truly my second chance has given me a whole new life also! I run and play and hopefully you will as well! I know I was thrilled when I was able to walk again without pain. I know I was thrilled when I could breath better again. I know I was thrilled when I came off my meds ... but the running and playing were dream goals and were the topics of my deepest prayers. Praise God! Wishing you much continued success!!! Hugs, Tammy

Okay you reeled me in on that one....Here I thought I was going to see Tammy in her glory with the size 5 thong bikini....You are good my friend! Very wise too! I am so glad that this journey has been so good for you... you deserve the best! PS I love the pink shoes!!! Lots of Hugs Debbie

*throwing out fishing line ... and reeling in* Ohhh, it looks like I got me a SKINNY little fish this time!!! Now about that size 5 thong ... NEVER, EVER gonna happen ESPECIALLY in public!!! How scary would that look be ... *shudder* Truth be told, you will never catch me in public in ANY bikini, regardless of my size. But just figured it would be fun to spice up my profile a bit. However, in the privacy of my own home ... ummm ya never know!!! I love the pink shoes also ... it is so fun to finally be able to have fun with my wardrobe. Life is GOOD!!! Hope you have a FABTABULOUS day my friend!!! Hugs and Tammy