I never thought this would be me...

It's been almost 2 years now...and I'm totally off track. My depression is horrible...I keep gaining weight and I feel like I can eat more now than I ever did. Now, this might just be perception based on what I could eat post-op...but I'm so disappointed in myself. I have scheduled an appointment to meet with my surgeon and the earliest I can get in to see him is August...so...I'll weight. In the meantime, I have to get myself back on track. I had lost so much weight...I can't gain it back...I just can't. Can anyone help me here??? Anyone who started to gain weight back but got it under control and got back to losing again??? I didn't know where else to turn...but here...for help. WHAT DO I DO???

(((((((((((((Gretchen))))))))))) I don't have much advice, just wanted to wish you well with this. I read your profile, like mine it isn't too recent.... but it sounds like you are not able to be objective and see how well you've done. I hope you can get this under control and that your tool is able to keep working for you. I just wanted to say that your picture is beautiful, you've made awesome progress and don't sell yourself short. Keep posting and try to attend support groups to keep focused. You've made the first brave step by sharing with this awesome group of people. Dianne

Thank you for your kind words. I did remember that I had this tool to help me along the way...and maybe getting back to my roots is what I needed to do. Even the receptionist at the doctor's office told me to take it easy and not to stress...obviously we don't want me binging in my depression. I have never been to one of the support groups. PMRI only had them on Friday night and Saturday morning, and I have my son and I didn't want to drag him through one of the meetings. Unfortunately, my husband works during the times of both meetings and I don't have anyone to watch my angel. I wonder if he'd sit through one so mommy can go and get some help. I guess I'll have to think of it as an option. Thanks again for your words. Have a blessed day!!! ~gretchen~

Gretchen, You have done wonderful. Now stop, look and listen. You need to start journaling your food, water & protein intake. This will give you a clear picture of what you are doing. Ask yourself "When do I eat the wrong things? Am I hungry or lonely or stressed? Most of the emotional eating we do is what got us in trouble in the 1st place. I will send you an email of all the support groups in the area. Maybe you can make it to 1 of them. Healthy Beginnings meets on the 2nd Thursday of each month, July 14th at 7PM. This is geared for people 6 months out and more. However we encourage everyone to attend. We have from post op's to people 3+ yrs out. Motivation, emotional eating and relationships are just a few of the topics that we have covered. We usually start at 7, and are sometimes talking until after 9. It feels great to talk with others in the same boat. You are not alone on your journey. We are all pulling for you, ourselves and each other. So get a sitter and come/ It is at Concordia Lutheran Church on Silverside Road across from Bonsall Park. Hope to see you next week. The meeting is less formal than PMRI. And we usually have a healthy snack. ((HUGS)) Elissa

Gretchen, sorry to hear of your problems. Since I haven't had the surgery yet, I probably should not stick my nose in this but everything I have read about those who have gained back is this: on average, WLS patients gain back about 20 pounds (I don't know how much you've gained), those that have sucessfully re-lost the weight are the ones who went back to the basics (80-90g protein, 64 oz water, low carbs). The Nutritionist at the PMRI classes told us that the ones that are successful are the ones that stick to that basic plan for the rest of their lives. It's not a diet, it's a lifestyle. It's ok to fall off once in a while, but you must get back on track and not beat yourself up for it. Everyone goes thru this (I'm very sure I will too, eventually), believe me when I tell you you're not alone. Get back to some meetings. There's others besides the ones at the PMRI. Elissa posted a list earlier this month. Print it out and see if one will work for you. Good luck sweetie! Remember your success and learn from your mistakes. Dee

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) HELLO GRETCHEN,SO SORRY TO HEAR THAT YOU ARE HAVING SOME PROBLEM WITH YOUR WEIGHT I REALLY ONLY CAN SAY IS MY BUDDIES WHO POSTED ON HERE TO YOU THEY SAID IT ALL JOURNAL,PROTEIN INTAKE,CHANGE FOOD,EXERCISE,BUT I MUST SAY STAY FOCUS AND HAVE A POSITIVE MIND.I PRAY EVERYTHING WILL GO SMOOTHLY FOR YOU AND I PRAY THE DOCTOR CAN GIVE YOU THE HELP IS NEEDED.WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU SWEETIE WE CARE AND CONTINUE TO POST AND IF YOU FEEL LIKE SHARING YOUR THOUGHTS JUST WRITE YOUR FEELINGS OUT ON HERE AND WE'LL DO OUR BEST TO GIVE YOU THE ADVICE YOU NEED BUT MOST OF ALL THE LOVE AND SUPPORT AND COMFORT WE HAVE OPEN ARMS FOR YOU.HANG IN THERE SWEETIE.YOUR FRIEND BONNIE

Dear Gretchen, You've taken a big step that will lead you through the short journey ahead. The big step was to reach out and ask for help and encouragement. The short journey is getting back on track and beginning to loose that which you've gained. It will happen. The big step is out of the way and now it is little baby steps to get you to the complete victory that is yours to walk in. Speaking about walking. As soon as you can get out and WALK !!!! Walk around the mall, around your neighborhood, at work or wherever, but start walking. Then tomorrow add some speed or some length to that walk. You only have to begin. You don't have to walk a mile today or even tomorrow. Another suggestion is REACH OUT AGAIN AND AGAIN. I've seen such encouraging people on this board who are not apt to accuse, ridicule, judge or any such negative behavior. Everyone will only encourage you and help to give you imput. So if you need to post a couple of times a day just reach out and say: HELP! Tell us what is triggering you. Is it sweets, lack of protein etc. We'll give you suggestions to help you along they way. B

Sorry Gretchen my computer froze up on me before I finished. But all in all Everyone here on the boards is rooting for you and will encourage you. Try and come on out to Healthy Beginnings next week and you will be blessed. Mama

(((Gretchen))) Oh Gretchen, my heart simply ached when I just read your post. I can see the pain and desperation in that post. For so many of us post-ops, this is truly our biggest fear. Know that you are not alone. We are all in this together! If you have not done so yet, take a deep breath. Do not be so hard on yourself. We all have struggles at some point along this journey. If food issues were a non issue for us, likely most of us would not have needed surgical help in the first place. Take a moment and remember just what you have done in the past couple of years. Truly the change in you is remarkable! Put that success into the forefront of your mind, replacing your self flagellation for a few bounceback pounds. You need to build yourself up, not tear yourself down. You were a beautiful lady pre-op, and you are a beautiful lady post-op. Please understand your worth is not found on the scales. Perhaps our health is there, but not our worth. Don't let this depression get a strong hold on you. It will only serve to tear you down. You have received wonderfully helpful advice from the previous posters. Hope you are taking it to heart. Something else you may need to consider ... the gain back and eating "more" may truly be a mechanical failure that can be fixed. Likely, this will be the first thing that Dr I will want to rule out. It will help him (and you) if you start to log every single bite of food and fluid that you put in your mouth. Log with the time of day, and it will help you if you are able to determine if there is emotion involved with the food intake. Log whether or not you are eating because of hunger or boredom, etc. This food diary will be a record of cold hard facts. It is easier to decipher what is going on when interpreting facts rather than going on memory. It is not hard to fool ourselves into believing that we are not eating that much when we do it one bite at a time (grazing) and not accurately logging. I know you are not doing that, but it is a good thing to get into the habit of doing, especially when we are going through any struggle. Now with that said, lets just assume that in fact there is no mechanical failure and you are simply off track. You will be joining many, many others who have gone or are going through the same thing. I think that most of us take a wrong turn at some point. Like I said earlier ... very few of us became morbidly obese without food issues. And they don't always magically disappear when the doc does surgery on us. It is just a matter of getting back on track and in the right direction that makes the difference between further success and or failure with our tool. I have every belief that you can and will get back on track. You would not be coming here admitting that you are having trouble and wanting help if you were not wanting to change things. My personal rules ... *Log EVERYTHING* - Count the cost not only in your head but on paper. It is harder to deny something on paper. Clayton South, bodybuilding expert, wrote in a recent publication "You can't change what you don't acknowledge. You can't acknowledge what you don't know. You can't know what you can't see. Writing things down - getting accurate data - will let you set goals, spot trends, and correct problems early. Writing things down will also let you know if you're on the right track" WONDERFUL ADVICE - IMHO Write down your goals - Put those goals on paper to help cement them. It is so much easier to let a goal "slide" when we have not written it down. Measure EVERY bite and fluid that goes into your mouth Protein first - ALWAYS - After your measured amount of measured protein, then start with the salads, complex carbs, etc. WATER WATER AND MORE WATER VITAMINS - Mega important not only to our health, but to our weight loss as well. If we are a well oiled machine, we will preform better and last longer. If we are missing vital components, we will not run efficiently, nor can we expect long term without complications. Exercise (does not have to be a HUGE routine - any and every little bit makes all the difference. I just read some research on how just 3 or 4 days a weeks of 20-30 minutes of simple exercise makes a huge impact on our long term weight loss.) Control your sodium intake and carefully monitor simple sugar consumption. According to Clayton South, "Eating too much starch and salt will make you dehydrated and bloated at the same time. Dehydration will stop your weight loss dead in its tracks, and you'll look more fat (and gain water weight) if your bloated. Your body uses water to process important fat burning vitamins, and your muscles help you burn calories, thereby making it easier for you to lose weight (fat). This process can work only if your muscles are hydrated and healthy. If they are dehydrated you will lose muscle and become fatter in the process. So, drinking water and also lowering salt and starch intake is critical for weight loss, muscular health, and overall appearance." Gretchen, as those who have posted before me, I fully believe that the in person support groups are so very important. Please do every thing you can possibly do to make it to one of them. I have that same struggle, it is hard for me to make it to the meetings (time, distance and child care considerations). But truly I have to find a way to make it happen when I have not been there for a while. The difference is remarkable. Not so much the meetings as it is the camaraderie with new found friends who hold me accountable when needed and encourage me the rest of the time. These friendships make a huge difference in my journey, especially when I hit those bumps and even sometimes the out and out walls. There is also an excellent on line group of wonderfully successful longer term post ops who have at one time or the other struggled with falling off track and have hopped back on board. I think you will find tons of wonderfully helpful information along with more encouragement than you could ever dream possible to help you get back on track should you decide to visit this forum. (http://) health.groups.yahoo.com/group/OSSG_Off_track/ Please stay in touch. Don't go through this alone nor feel like you are the only one who has gone through this. There are many others who have went before us, have fallen, dusted off and got back up on that horse and have gone on to lose those bounce back pounds and remain at or near goal long term. You will be one of those extending your hand and continued success story to someone behind you struggling with falling before you know it. Hang in there! If there is anything I can do, please do not hesitate. Hugs & , Tammy