Body perception verses reality

Ok..I know I have done well and lost a good amount of weight(130lbs)..I'm about 25lbs from goal. But, honestly, I don't always see it..and still see 300lbs in the mirror. However, sometimes I see my "now" body. But I still have the old mind looking at the new body in the mirror. Recently, I was shocked to see the size of my shadow..of all things. But, its all catching up with me and very overwhelming. I went for a plastics consult(actually 2 consults) last week..and both doctors told me I was ready for my tummy tuck etc..and one made a comment in the waiting room..(in the past I would have died..but this was actually very flattering). He said..that I'm at a goal weight that many want as their weight..and he went on to say how good I look...NOW..thats a complete first..I have always been hesitant about going to a doctor..knowing that they would bring up my weight etc. and trying to accept these things are so hard. I'm not looking for compliments..I just looking for those that have lost 100+ pounds..how you are dealing with this. At what point..do you actually get used to your new "skin"..or do you continue to think as a larger person? I can truly understand how an anexoric must see the heavy body in the mirror. I was told by many this is one of the most difficult things about the weight loss. Any tips from those over a year post-op? Have they discussed this at PMRI..or do you plan too.. Nikki/Robb at your new meetings? Thanks for listening! Kimberly

Hey Kim, Good morning girl. Wow I saw the new picture you posted on the MSN site. I agree with the Doctor that said you looked really good. Your face is soooooo thin. Course I am the same way when I look in the mirror. I have lost well over 100 lbs and yet when I look in the mirror at the gym I still see the fat girl looking back at me. The only time I feel thinner is when I put on old size 5X clothes. I get a chuckle how they hang on me. I was getting out shorts to wear to Cancun next week to my niece's wedding that I wore last summer. Can you say hanging off my body. It's a good thing Boscov's & Target already have summer stuff out, I went shopping & spent more money on shorts & a bathing suit. So I have a bunch of size 2's & 3's if anyone needs them for this summer. Shorts, tops, slacks, hardly used. I will bring to the next meeting or make other arrangements to anyone that needs some transitional clothes. Not sure when that feeling goes away if it ever does. Maybe someone that is further out can put in their thoughts. Hey don't rush on the plastic surgery. I'm not even going there until I'm 2 years out at least. I don't think this body is used to all this turmoil yet!!! I figure clothes can hide alot for the time being. Keep up the great work. How's that chocolate craving? Elissa

Elissa, You are so dear!!! I'm so glad you understood what I was speaking of..its been a bit of a struggle for me. I'll just have to pull out some old clothes again. You don't plan plastics for a while? I wouldn't have..but I'm going to have a hysterectomy and was hoping to have both done at the same time. My iron levels are terrible, so just getting it up for one surgery is tough for me right now. I'll know more later this week what my plan may be. Thanks for lending your ear and shoulder once again! Kimberly

Hey Kimberly, I can guarantee you that physically you are not that 300 pound woman. You are doing great and looking great. I think that every day I have a different perception of myself. Most days I realize that I am not the "big" guy that had surgery in Oct 2003, but I still feel that I have a long way to go. 10 pounds to get to my goal. Maybe I won't ever make it, but it certainly won't be from lack of effort. Some days I see myself as a fat or overweight man, which I officially am until I can peel off another 6 pounds, but so far I have used that feeling as incentive to hit the exercise, stick to my "good" foods, and avoid temptation. I think that this is one of the topics that I would love to explore at Healthy Beginnings. Other topics might be "Help I'm Gaining Weight", problems with the spouse, and re-joining the normal life. Sorry that you are so far away as far as the meetings, but stay tune because there will be a monthly newsletter, plus a lot more reference material on-line for the post-op. PMRI seems to be focused more on pre and 3-month WLS information, which makes sense because that is where the dollars are made. Whoops, sorry I slipped into bashing mode by mistake. One of the places you might want to check is Barbara Thompson's site. She has dealt with the person in the mirror issue several times and has a very good perspective on dealing with your image. Are you looking at yourself with your eyes, or still through the eyes of other people? Do you remember how difficult it was to have that pre-surgery picture taken. That was probably more painful than the surgery. I'm not sure that I saw myself as big as I was back then when I looked in the mirror. In fact, I remember walking out of way to avoid seeing myself in a mirror. Try yoga. Believe it or not, it really helps you get comfortable with your body, and to truely look at your body the way it is built. Plus you gotta know that keeping positive, and smiling always makes you look a lot thinner in those mirrors. Lots of words, but not much to say. Your bud, Rob

Rob, YOu are the MAN!!! You know you may have hit it on the nose for me..I have those last pounds to reach my BMI goal of not being overweight to meet before my goal weight..so maybe that will make me feel better. But, to hear your perspective makes me feel much better. I guess since we lose the weight relatively fast..but with a lot of work...we are just playing catch up. I've been wanting to try yoga. I just think I may start the class at the YMCA..great idea. I could just use that time to learn how to mediate and escape as well! Can you tell me Barbara Thompson's website? I would love to view it! Also, I do want information once you start your topics at New Beginnings! I haven't found a support group close to me as of yet. I do have an appt. for my one year next month with a new surgeon and will try out their support group..but it just won't be the same! Thanks for being so supporative!! Hugs, Kimberly

Hi Kimberly, I have been thinking about this post since yesterday. I really think the differences with how we see ourselves has alot to do with what we were like growing up. If someone was always heavy from the time they were a child into adulthood, they have absolutely nothing to compare it to when they become thin. The "fat programming" is so ingrained that it's difficult to recognize when the new program has been installed so to speak. I think I was just the opposite. I was in complete denial for a long time as to how much weight I'd gained and it wasn't until health issues like diabetes and hypertension slapped me in the face that I had to admit it. One day I REALLY looked at myself and thought omg, what has happened to me. I can't walk, I can't breathe, my blood sugar is out of control, my BP is off the charts alot of the time. I feel and look terrible. Of course I knew on some level because I was always complaining about my weight and on a perpetual diet. Once I had surgery, I started seeing the benefits right away. I could feel the changes right away. I realized I was starting to feel like ME agian. I was starting to look like ME again. I don't know who that other woman was that showed up in my body for awhile and wrecked it, but I'm glad I evicted her lol. It's nice to have the confidence again of knowing I don't look like the 300 pound woman. If a person has lived the vast majority of their life one way, it's difficult to know who "me" is. It takes time to get comfortable in a new skin, and the fact that our changes happen so quickly doesn't really help a person who finds themself in that position. Your head will catch up with your newly skinny self. The fact that you are even aware of this says alot. It's just a bump in the road. Give yourself some time to adjust and keep eating that flax! Linda