WLS post-op is killing herself...

Hey All, I am really confused about what to do with a co-worker of mine. She had her WLS 1 year ago and she is eating king size snickers in one sitting and eating fried chicken, soda, and whatever she can get her hands on. Her weight loss has stopped. She does not take any vitamins at all. She even chews gum!! When I try to help she borders on getting offended by my advice. When I try to suggest different tasty protein drinks she says they have too many calories...I am like WHAT?? you just downed a krispy kreme donut and a pepsi and you are worried about calories!! I have printed out different postings from here and given them to her--but I really think she trashes them. I am 3 and a half months out and have lost 92 pounds and I am following the instructions to the letter with no complications at all, but she will not listen--do I back off?? I am truly concerned for her life... Thanks for listening, Susan

Hi Susan, This is really scary to read and I know how difficult it must be to see it on a daily basis. I guess it's like an alcoholic or any other disease or disorder that makes someone abuse themselves, they have to see and realize the problem on their own, as long as she is in such major denial there isn't a whole lot you can do. One thing you can do is maybe write her a letter. Write it, explain point blan how you feel and what you're seeing ( cite specific things you've seen her do to illustrate your point ) then end the letter by telling her that you won't mention this again but if SHE needs to talk or wants help that you are there to help her in any way you can. Sometimes seeing something in print makes the difference. If not, well you can know in your heart that you tried. Bottom line is she has to accept responsibility for her own behavior. I just hope she doesn't have small children or family depending on her right now because she is headed for some dangerous terrain. You're a good friend for caring and I hope she sees the light. Linda

Hijack ... Hey Chickie ... what are you doing up so early??? How are you holding up? Any more news on your sister? Hugs, Tammy

Hi Tammy, Early rising is a habit of mine...even when there is no school and I don't have to get up ( like today darnit lol ) Doing well here. I stopped to see her twice yesterday. The second visit in the evening was good. I was scratching her arm a little to irritate her into a response and she waved her arm at me and growled TYPICAL response from my sister. She is still in there somewhere. It's going to be a long, long road to recovery and we're still not sure how much recovery she will have but we're hopeful. Thanks for the good thoughts! Hope to see you at Saturday's meeting? Linda

Linda, I have said everything you said to put in a letter, she kind of turns everything into a joke. So I tried to do the same and joke with her in a serious way...if that make sense. I am going to keep trying different approaches! Thank you for the advice..I am not gonna give up on her. Susan

Susan, IMHO, what I would do at this point is to determine if she truly understands the ramifications of her actions. If her doc is the same as your doc, then you know what kind of professional advice she is getting. Plus you have tried to help her .... ultimately she is responsible for her own actions. You can not carry her weight on your back ... ya know? Although I know what it is to have your heart breaking when you have a friend who is making bad decisions that could truly affect her life negatively. You have tried to tell her, she is not listening ... I would not "write her off", but remain in friendship with her (as long as she is willing) and try to offer her example's by your actions, rather than your words. And if she asks down the road how you are losing so well, or complains about her labs, etc ... you can "gently" share with her your "secret" or why her labs may be off. Your friend may be going through an unbelievable struggle with her food demons. Post-ops , especially those that had/have a real problem with junk food can run into some serious road blocks along the way. If they test the sugar dumpomenter and find that they can tolerate sugar ... then they have lost that part of the tool that keeps them from overindulging in sugar. Then they are put right back to relying on will power, which so many of us had problems with in the first place. My biggest concern for your friend is the fact that she is not taking her vitamins, and not getting in her protein. This is so scary. These are truly two necessary biggies for posties! And you are right, the quality of her life, if not her life, may very well depend on it. It would be a real shame should she come out of this surgery, and regain the weight, AND have to deal with muscle atrophy and osteoarthritis, paralysis, and all the other things that vitamin deficiency can and will cause. So if I were going to push anything, I would likely push the vitamins. I would have a heart to heart with her and tell her of my concern about the necessity of vitamins and protein. And not really dwell on the issue of the sugar and fat at this point. Show her you love her and are concerned, but not judgmental. Stick to the life stuff (vitamins and protein) and steer clear of the food issues (sugars and fats). Unless she asks. I would do whatever I could to help her get those vitamins in. Hang in there Susan, continue to be a good friend. Offering advice when she is willing to accept it ... but don't beat yourself up, if she does not. Knowing that you have done everything you can to help ensure her health. Remember, ultimately, she is the one responsible for her actions or lack of. And she is the one who is going to live, or not with the results. And in the interim, come her and complain, seek help, let off steam about the situation if need be. I really feel for you ... this is a tough situation to be in for sure! Just my humble opinion ... any one else? This is a biggie!!! Hugs, Tammy

Tammy, I have said to her about the "no chewing gum" rule and why. I have asked her if she understands the irreversable damage she can do by not taking her vitamins. I have printed out and talked to her about protein and the benefits and the importance. She will sit at her desk in severe pain after indulging and when I come by she tries to act as if nothing is bothering her, but the girls in her area tell me the truth. This morning she hsd a BIG greasy scrapple, egg and cheese sandwich. One of the girls here at work took her to a nutrition class 6 months after her surgery, so I know she undertands the effects of "bad choices". I know you can't help anyone *****fuses to help themselves, it just frustrates me! Thank you for listening...Susan

Amen to Tammy & Linda's post. Keep up your attitude and you will succeed with your own journey Susan. If you need us we'll be here. Friends helping friends. Remember you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink it. ((HUGS)) Elissa

Elissa, Thank you..I am very focused on my success. You guys have helped me more than you know! Thank you again, Susan

You are being an awesome friend Susan! I wish I had you around my work when I go to that snack machine!!! Its ashame she is making so many bad choices. Its scary to hear that she doesnt seem to really care or acts like its nothing when it comes to vitamins and choosing the right foods. Unfortunately you have done all that you can! Keep suggesting to her and hinting and such...but I think it will hit her when she starts to gain weight! I actually hope she does gain a little weight so that light bulb will go off in her head and maybe she will straighten up. Vitamins and protein are sooooo important! I hope she takes a turn for the better soon! Thanks for being a good friend to her Susan! You are a sweetheart! Elizabeth M