Old habits, gaining weight.

As some of you are aware, I am no longer following the program. I am now 8.5 mos out. Since beg of Sept, I have been eating large quantities, nothing but sugar, eating constantly, not drinking enough and not exercising. I've gained 10# and 2" on my tummy. My habits are as they were pre-op. At 6 mos out, my hunger came back, very strong. I'm not sure what happened to completely turn things negative, but I can't get back. I've seen the doc's and a nutritionist and am seeing a counsellor. The docs were kind and reassuring, the counsellor may be able to help, but probably not enough/quick enough to keep the pounds from coming back, and the nutritionist gave me an eating plan.. a DIET, counting calories... jeesh.. if I could stay on a calorie counting diet, I wouldn't have needed the surgery. I can't do it. I know now I am addicted to sugar. Every morning I wake and say, today is the day I start fresh, but within hours, I'm back. All this is consuming my thoughts 24/7. It is soooo hard. I am writing this now for three reasons, 1st I'd like all pre-ops and newly post ops to be very careful in what you 'taste'. If you want a bite of a doughnut or piece of cake.... don't do it, I know it's just a bite, but if it doesn't bother you, you have killed a deterent to eating it, and it will grow from a bite to the whole thing. Believe me. Don't even attempt to see how much you can handle.. for as long as you can anyway. And take advantage of that first 6 months, get as much weight off as you can. 2nd I'd like to ask post ops, at least 7-8 mos out, to let me know what they eat in a typical day, and pls be honest. I need some 'real people' diets from those of you who are doing it well. Debbie? Linda? Elissa? Anyone? 3rd To be honest. I feel like most that you see on these boards and in the PMRI meetings are the wonderful "how great I'm doing" comments. So for those of us who are struggling, I know it makes me feel even worse, like I am the only one who can't do it. I've really pulled away from the wonderful friends that I have made here, it's so hard feeling like a failure when everyone around me is doing well and dropping weight. It's what I do, I run away. Although some of you wouldn't let me go totally I caught just a glimps of what life could be like with a normal weight, and it hurts even more to think I'll never be there. Sorry for the long post. So.. anyone who'd like to share a day or two's food plan, I'd appreciate it. If anyone else is struggling and would like to see that topic for a PMRI meeting, pls let them know about it. The more people they hear it from the more they may listen. Thanks everyone. T

Hi Tina! It's the 3+ year postie that had a rough Sunday night. These boughts of ours do come in cycles....like any disease we can go into remission and then have flare ups....I've had maybe three major ones since surgery...my last being recently. I'm back on the wagon, and I'm ok for now...and that's all I can think about...I can't worry about last week's sins and tomorrows temptations....today is all I can handle. I have four days under my belt of being in control...but I have been steering clear of my lover (sugar). It's easier to avoid than to try to eat "just a little". Today has been my hardest day yet, and the difference was in my choice of yogurt for my mid morning snack...I generally have low fat sugar free...today it was just low fat, but had like 26 g of sugar....I have been ravenous ever since...it has to do with blood sugar/appetite/and a whole slew of factors caused by sugar. I know not to get that kind of yogurt anymore (even though the calories weren't much more than the SF). I'm not sure how the rest of my day will fend because of this tiny little change....but these are the sorts of things that we really must be diligent about identifying...and no matter how silly it may sound to naturally thin people...it is *our* reality. As so many of you dear folks said to me, we CAN do this...sticking together is part of our defense. I do journal, and I do exercise at least a 45 min - 1 hr five days a week. The exercise is now routine for me and I think it has saved me from even more weight gain. (It took me a year after surgery to even start to exercise btw). Now when I say I can't worry about tomorrow's temptations, that's not entirely accurate....I've read that if you imagine yourself in an upcoming event and practice in your mind how you're going to deal with food, that it will stick with you when you get there. I did that with a baby shower this wee****pt imagining myself loading up on salad (I drag my own bottle of no calorie dressing with me) and eating just 2 raviolis and having NO sweets....and that is exactly what I did....yes, it's a lot of effort, and food will never be a non issue for me...but that is the unfortunate reality of suffering from obesity. It takes work, and sometimes we WILL fall, but if we continually pick ourselves up and wipe off our bloody knees....it will at the very least, keep us from being as big as we started. Goodness knows I've fallen 10 days in a row, and gotten back up 10 days in a row...eventually my good intentions kick in and I regain control...DO NOT fall into that "I'm a failure so I might as well give up trap, we all used to as Pre Ops.... Any way....you see I've done a 180 degree turn since this weekend....but that is for now....next time I'll need to lean on your shoulder again. Fight the good fight Tina, you're worth it. -Kim open RNY 7/17/01 282/150/135

Hi Tina, I'm 11 months postop and I can definitely sympathize with your post. Amazingly I haven't reached the hunger stage as of yet, but I do find because eating alot of food doesn't work for me anymore that there is a tendency for me to want to snack on things because it doesn't involve much eating. However, despite the way I feel I stick closely to a high protein low carb diet. I find this to be very beneficial because by eating this way, I don't crave carbs as much which was a very big problem for me before surgery. My basic meal plan is a protein shake for breakfast or other protein source such as meat, for lunch and dinner I have a protein and veggie. If I must have a carb snack, I munch on low fat prezels or low fat pringles. But basically my snacks are sugar free Jello, Pudding, Applesauce and also eat alot of Cottage Cheese due to protein it provides. I have to be honest and tell you that there are times when I have felt like I wanted to try a certain thing just to see if I can or can't tolerate it, but when I think of how far I've come and the goals I want to achieve I resist the temptation as few those things as poison going into my body or something that will land me back into the hospital. That's truthfully the only way I survive day by day. I don't remember how much you weighed before surgery, but I was 380lbs before surgery, my highest weight in life was 407lbs on a 5ft 6in" frame. I had so many problems due to the access weight, but the main two were, severe arthritis all throughout my joints and Sleep Apnea. I could barely walk, breath, or just for that matter feel like a normal person. I was literally setting myself up to die an early death. So when I think about now being 218lbs, walking 3 miles 4 times a week, sleeping without a machine, and not taking pain meds for my arthritis day and night, I keep telling myself that I can do this and walk the straight and narrow road to good health and fitness. Tina, I think that's why we need support groups, these message boards, and whatever else it takes to get us through. You can't do it alone, I repeat, YOU CAN NOT DO IT ALONE!!! That's for me, you, and everyone else on the boards. I hope to see you at the PMRI meeting Nov. 1st, maybe we can talk more then. In the meantime if you need any more suggestions, I'd be glad to help you.

In my ramblings I forgot to mention what I eat (when I'm on the wagon...) I really like those pre-baked low fat chicken fingers from Perdue....they are only like 70 calories each...I eat one or two with a salad or fruit or steamed spinach, or throw them on a wheat roll . This weeks breakfasts have been 1 hard boiled egg, pc of wheat or rye bread with lf margerine, a few peices of honey due, and skim milk. Dinner last night was a small baked potatoe with a slice of LF cheese, a small scoop of homemade chicken chilie and a dab of fat free sour cream....I figure it to be less than 300 calories and ohhhh soooo devine. Veggie burgers are low cal/fat....I'll eat one with a slice of tomatoe and a couple of tablespoons of baked beans (watch the sugar in those beans though!!) Hope these ideas are helpful. Kim

Hi Tina, Sorry you are having such a hard time. I am only 3 months out but I must admit that I have tested the waters since having this surgery and know that I can eat sugar, however I try to keep a check on it. I don't buy the stuff myself but it is hard to stay away when I am around the stuff. My surgeon helped me get back on the right track. I was truthful about what I was eating and he let me know that he was very unhappy with my choice to test certain foods. I have since gotten it under control, however there are times when I feel weak. Case in point. Shay and I went to eat out a few days ago at Timothy's. I got the salmon and veggies and had a couple tablespoons of potatoes. When the bill came they gave us 2 hershey kisses. I really wanted them, but Shay wouldn't let me have them. Why did I want them so bad? Who knows. Are you still measuring your food before you eat? Dr. Miller told me that just because I can eat more than 1/2 cup doesn't mean that I should. that really hit home. Maybe try to go back to the basics. Measure you food. Instead of eating something with refined sugar, grab some fruit to tide you over until your next meal. Increase your water and protein. Find something to do to keep you busy when you feel the need to snack. If you have a job that where you sit down all day, take a walk. I don't know how you feel because I am only 3 months out, but I hope things get better for you. ~O'Shell

Tina, Sorry for your crisis. I agree totally with your first statement about just don't try the stupid stuff because once you find out you won't dump, or can handle sugar, or can handle quantity you have lost a tremendous deterrent that helps keep that "bad stuff" from getting in your mouth. Many people at the meetings talk about being able to have a bite and being satisfied. I couldn't prior to my surgery so why would that craving have changed after the surgery. My motto is "JUST SAY NO". I am actually struggling with eating what I think is too much quantity of the good foods. No triggers are stopping me from downing a cup full of nuts, or a 16 oz smoothie. I am forcing myself to stick with the six meal plan, and when I hungry after a meal I just force myself to look forward to the next meal. My meals consist of the following (my only real variety comes at lunch and dinner and evening snack): Breakfast (oatmeal w protein powder, soy milk, cinnamon and flax meal), Morning snack (smoothie), Lunch (3 Fish Sticks and corn/peas), Afternoon snack (smoothie), Dinner (Bowlful of Chef Salad -- lettuce, ham, turkey, 3 cheeses, egg, other veggies and Walden Farms salad dressing), evening snack (4 TJ graham crackers with TJ BT Peanut Butter and 1/4-1/2 cup of almonds or mixed nuts). I get 8 to 12 oz of water or crystal lite between each meal. Trying to cut back on the nuts but I'm addicted and without getting them out of the house I can't resist not having them with a meal. Sometimes we on the board here do come across as judgemental or overly joyful about successes, but I thiink it is only because many of us need that reinforcement to validate our achievements. I have sort of altered my addiction to food, to being addicted to the board. Advice and comments are only meant to heal and help. Everyone I think is just trying to share a brain storm, or lightning bolt that has motivated them over a major hurdle. It takes a lot more courage to admit that you've gone astray, but like anything else that is probably the first step to getting the help you need. Grab someone at the meeting on Saturday and have a chat. You can still turn this around. Let me know how your counseling sessions progress, and think about attending the WLS-NDE support group, because meany of the people at those sessions are going through a similar crisis of confidence. Your friend: Rob

((((((((((((((((((((((TINA)))))))))))))))))))))))))) Just wanted to send you a hug. And don't beat yourself up so much. You still have accomplished a lot. Hope you can get it back on track. Dianne

I sent you big email

Tina, I really congratulate you for being so honest about your struggle. As you said, none of us would be here (WLS patients) if losing weight and keeping it off was easy. I am only two months out so I have "more to learn" than "advice to offer" but I think I can speak for many of us when I say we are here to support each other in BOTH the good and the bad times. The only advice I can offer is to take it one day at a time. You are a step ahead of a lot of people by admitting there is a problem. You are talking to the surgeons, nutritionists, counselors, etc. And I can see that many of the farther out posties have given you ideas for menus. Take it from there. My good thoughts and prayers are with you. You are not alone. Remember that.

Tina, I think you have tremendous courage facing this problem head on. I'm going to send you an email with my food menu. Please Please call me anytime. I will enclose my phone numbers. Try to come to the meeting on Saturday. I would love to see you. Love, Deb