Weight Regain - My Very Long Story - by Bob Altman

Hey guys ... I happened across this and oh how it hit some raw nerves for me ... My biggest fear ... and here there is a post-op 6 years ahead of me expressing the same fears. Thought is was full of terrific insight and thought perhaps there were others out there like me who may have the same concerns, fears, and etc and could appreciate this blatantly honest/open story of a fellow WL patient. Don't know the original origins of it ... so I can't include a URL, sorry. But it really hit home for me and I could not NOT share it with you, my friends. I have gotta run, extremely busy day ahead ... just wanted to slip in here real quick and share this mans story with you. May we all have a wonderful day enjoying every precious minute that has been given back to us. Love you guys!!! Tammy ******************************************************* ******************************************************* ******************************************************* Weight Regain - My Very Long Story There have been several posts on our local Maryland lists regarding weight regain. These posts prompted me to write the following to all the lists to which I belong in the hopes of addressing any aspects of regain or even plateaus in losing: My name is Bob and I am an addict (Chorus: "Hi Bob!"). I'm definitely a friend of Bill's. Not Bill the founder of AA, but Dr. Bill Marcus the founder of my new life. Dr. Bill was right when he told me 6 years ago that he was operating on my stomach and not my brain and that weight loss surgery was only a tool. He would do the physical stuff and the emotional stuff was up to me. Little did I know how much was up to me. One of the tenants of addiction is that relapse will happen. Oh how I know about relapse. Not only did I spend a professional career running drug treatment programs and supervising drug abusing offenders, but I know personally as well since I am a food addict. I know it when I drive down the road and the Taco Bell, the 7-11, the Dunkin Donuts and Krispy Kreme lights beckon to me. The late night foraging through the house for something to eat other than a protein drink reminds me of the alcoholic searching for the hidden bottle of booze hidden away in the back of the cabinet. It is a constant battle. Every day I deal with the addiction and some days I win and some days I lose. Luckily there are more days won than lost, but it is a constant battle, and unfortunately my moments of relapse coupled with the normalization of my body and its ability to process food have resulted in a weight gain. Despite numerous operative and postoperative complications during my 1998 WLS and again after my abdominoplasty, I initially lost 240 pounds, The "honeymoon" period was wonderful. I followed all the rules and did what Charlotte and Dr. Marcus told me to do. I ate right and worked out every day. I actually lost too much weight and both Charlotte and Dr. Marcus told me to put some weight back on....music to my ears! I gained about 20 pounds by increasing my carbs. At that same time my body was normalizing and learning new ways to absorb food. With the BPD I have a larger pouch and more malabsorption. After the honeymoon period I could eat a normal size meal. I also developed a sweet tooth that was not there before the WLS. I now crave donuts! All kinds, round ones, filled ones, frosted ones, chocolate ones,...oh, sorry, I got a little carried away. The result has been about another 20-25 pound weight gain. I now hover around 200 pounds below my heaviest. I feel fine and all the numerous co morbidities that were present before the WLS are still gone (i.e., Diabetes, sleep apnea, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, edema in my legs, shortness of breath, chronic cellulitus, gout, heel spurs, etc.). All in all I am very pleased with the outcome when compared to where I was 6 years ago. I would have the surgery again in a heart beat if needed. That said, there are still some problems, most of which are caused by my own behavior. I have often talked and written of my going back to square one and doing the things that led to my initial success. Why? Why do I need to keep dieting to lose 10 or 20 pounds, gain them back and then lose them again? One of the problems is that I have yet to accept myself for what I am...a 60 year old flabby guy who is not going to relive my youth. I am not going to be 20 again roaming the beach in a Speedo looking for chicks. I am alive, which I might not have been if it were not for the WLS. I have a wonderful family, had a great career, and I am living a comfortable life where I am able to buy clothes that fit, have fun with my grand children and keep up with them. So what am I upset about? I guess part of me really wants to experience what I missed by not being a thin 20 year old. I missed a part of my life because of my MO. I am also upset that I am still addicted to food and that my ability to control the addiction sometimes waivers. I think what scares me is how easy it is to fall back into the addictive patterns of behavior. Things like eating in the car, sneaking food, stopping and eating all the time, obsessing about food, and eating to repress feelings. These things scare me. Now on the other hand, what WLS has given me that other addicts often do not have is a way to control my behavior. If I eat too much sugar now I don't dump, I just spend more time in the bathroom. If I eat too many carbs I gain a little weight and again spend a lot of time in the bathroom. If I cut back on my carbs and increase my exercise I lose weight, spend less time in the bathroom (which means I don't read as much), and I feel better. I actually do feel better physically when I watch my carbs and sugars. Going back to square one does work. For example, I have been on the South Beach Diet this week and I've been swimming for several days and lo and behold I've lost about 9 pounds! I still have control. I guess that is what frightens me the most. The fact that I might lose that control is still a great fear. Intellectually I know that I will never regain all my weight but in the back of my mind is that fear of failure. The decision is whether to use that control or not. That's where I often relapse. I guess the bottom line is that no matter how much success I've had I always feel that I could, or should do better. Well, the struggle continues as I fight the carb demons every day. The good thing is that I have not given up and I will continue to good fight because life is better now than it was before WLS. I urge all of you to continue the fight as well. The rewards are magnificent. Bob Altman Dr. Marcus - BPD 10/98 More than 200 pounds gone but not forgotten!

Thanks Tammy.Thi**** home w/me as well.This is a fear that lives w/in us all.Will I eventually regain.Just remember this surgery was a precious gift we gave to ourselves. Cathy

Wow! Tammy, thank you so much for sharing this story with us. I'm still pre-op and the issue of weight regain has me stuck on the fence about having the surgery. Since I have no co-morbidities at the moment, I'm not suffering like others were when they were pre-op. I also was a skinny child and a size 6 adult up until age 28 (I'm now 38). There are actually days when I forget just how fat I am now becuase I haven't been fat my entire life. My biggest fear is that, whatever triggered my obsession with food ten years ago, will just show up again after the surgery. I cringe every time I hear a post-op person talking about the "latest diet they are on" (South Beach, Atkins, Weigh****chers, etc.). Haven't we already treid every diet known to man? Didn't we fail at these very same diets before? When I see the postings on the message board for people who are having a second WLS (revision), it just scares me to pieces! A second surgery?!? How am I supposed to cope with that? While the guy in the article has enjoyed a 6 year reprieve from dieting, he's back to his old tricks with food and he's back to dieting. I'm sick of diets. I just don't know what the right answer is anymore.

Thanks Tammy, Yeah I think that is all of our fear, is to gain it back and to succumb to our old ways and addictions. It is a struggle for me everyday already! I work out everyday and really PUSH myself to get to that gym. Its hard not to load up on carbs when I get those big time hunger cravings... after all carbs go down quickly and easily...so its still a struggle there too. I can eat a donught and not feel sick and thats really scary...other things I sometimes dump on... alot of things I dont dump so its hard. I really try to make the best choices because I really want my body to absorb the good things and be as healthy as it can be. I just continue to think "overall health" I try to get in the good foods the leafy green veggies and the fruit and of course our protein! I try to eat kidney beans in my salad and get that wonderful protein packed tuna. I am so sick of tuna ... by the way. but I force it down because I know how good it is for me. Usually I will go for tuna when I am just completely starving. I dont know why I get those strong cravings, I eat quite a few times a day, but they still happen and thats scary. get the chicken in . but there is still that head hunger even after I eat that I want something else. something carby to satisfy that head hunger . as long as we keep focused and know that if we do stray off the path we need to get back on it or seek out a support group that will kick us back into gear. thats whats so great about these groups and boards ... as long as we continue to share it keeps things in perspective Elizabeth M