How do you react????

When your friends hand you newspaper clippings of gastric bypass that have went bad? Or just bad facts about the surgery? I have a good friend who I have worked with and went to church with for over 10 years, and he just handed me a article said it was from his wife who is also a good friend, they want me to read it because they care. How do I respond to that my mind is made up, they are not going to change it I am sure the whole church thinks because I am having so much trouble the surgery is not meant to be. Thanks to Dianne weeks ago I am convinced otherwise, but I just don't know how to handle all of these so called friends who are doubting my decision. Help! Dana

Hi Dana, I know this is tough on you right now, I suppose people do it because they care, but really who knows what their motives may be. Personally I took the attitude with my surgery that if you aren't supportive, please keep your opinions to yourself...maybe it's time you took that kind of stance with the "helpful" people in your life. It may sound harsh but it will just keep happening if you don't. We have take care of ourselves before we can be of any good to another, and you are taking the first step in taking care of YOU. You are an intelligent, capable woman who has researched this, gone through all the pre-op testing and done everything needed on your end. You obviously have faith in your decision and faith in your surgical team, now it's time for the people in your life to step back and realize you have made an informed choice and cheer you on, you honestly don't have room for negativity right now. People may be afraid you will change after surgery, and to be honest you probably will to some extent. No need to be rude or mean to get your point across, but definitely get it across. Next time someone hands you a clipping or tries to "help" cut them off mid sentence with a smile and say thank you for your concern but my doctor and I know what's best for me, and change the subject or walk away. Remember, we will only be treated in this life the way we allow others to treat us, and there is nothing wrong with what you have decided to do for yourself...as far as it's not happening because it's not meant to be, there is another spin you can put on that...it's happening when it's SUPPOSED to and not a minute before. You have all of us here that understand what you're going through...and if the above advice doesn't work, tell em to kiss yer butt! Linda

That sucks doesnt it!!! My father did that to me. Handed me the dreaded newspaper article about this person that had died from the surgery. I read it regardless turns out this person was feeling awful and did not consult their surgeon and ended up having somethign serious wrong with them and because they didnt attend to it unfortunately it was too late. Also the surgeon didnt sound like the greatest surgeon anyways. I advised my father of that and let him know that if I felt bad I would automatically contact my doctor and that my surgeons are very capable surgeons and have WONDERFUL track records as opposed to this other surgeon in the paper. They are just worried and care about us is all. People view this surgery as CRAZY and super out of control strange. Which people dont understand its not. Yes it is dangerous, so are many other operations such as heart surgery but people take the risks becuase they need to medically. This isnt any different because we are at a point that, medically, we need this surgery because we have failed at every other attempt to loose the weight. It is an individual decision. I would never tell someone to go get the surgery because it is risky and wouldnt want that on my head... but at the same I sorta want to tell people because it is such a great tool. I dont regret it at all. (at first I had the "what have I dones" but that dissapeared as soon as I felt better and back to "normal") Ive lost 44 pounds and know I am going to loose more in lieu of gaining 44 pounds which I was on my way of doing. Dont you fret about it. Be strong. Just say thank you I understand the risks...they dont understand... Best Wishes on your journey!!! Elizabeth M -44

Dana, I am scheduled for my surgery on the 24th of this month and to be honest with you, other than discussing with my family who are extremely supportive, I have only let 1 other person know what exactly I am having surgery for. I have found that most people are too judgemental of larger people anyway (people you don't even know telling you to lose weight, and HOW to lose weight) but it is even worse when people you know try to "help" with information about this type of surgery. After discussing with my family and knowing I had their unconditional support, we all agreed that disclosure AFTER would be better. Your situation just confirms that we made the right decision. WendyleeG

Hi Dana........your post struck a nerve with me. Definately not AT you, but in support of you. I absolutely can't stand when people do that. I can't be anymore honest when i say that we should all tell those people to "BLEEP" OFF!! Tell them to bring you articles about the surgeons that you are going to. They'll quickly find out that Dr. Wynn and Irgau are the very best at what they do and their track record proves that! I have only told a select number of co-workers about my plans of this surgery and only my mother and father know about it. I made it perfectly clear that No one else in the family will know about this.....until i was ready to say something. Just like people have said, if they don't research it enough, to just keep their mouths shut! I have had nothing but support for this and it's a shame that there are people out there that feel like they have to add their two cents. I mean, do they think we haven't put enough thought into this?? I am just like you Dana, my mind is made up and there is nothing that anyone can tell me or have me read that will make me change my mind! Stand firm and don't let these "non-believers" change your mind! -Joe-

Dana Just do what I do, SMILE AND NOD... You have this insurance fiasco to occupy your mind. My brothers are leary of me having this done. The recent News Journal articles have made one of them do a complete turn around. Either way I just smile and nod. Hangin' in there with ya, Dianne

I couldn't say it any better than what everyone else here has already said. Especially Linda's.. I love her line about thanks for your concern but... I'm one of those people that believe things happen for a reason. I don't think that it's against you to have the surgery, but maybe there is a better time for you to do it. Stay strong and fight. To make a long story short, I was laid off 11/02, searching for a job, got two job offers.. one with Coventry, one with company from He!!, I chose company from He!! much to my regret. Needless to say, a couple weeks later, I was laid off again and I was looking for another job, got the one I'm in now and have good medical coverage. I always regretted not taking the Coventry job, but if I had, I'd never have gotten the surgery (Coventry never covers it) and wouldn't be feeling like I do now. Weird huh? Take care and hang in there Dana, you're awesome for having the strength to fight. t

The problem with publishing articles about the surgery is they are almost always the bad stories. Since this is what people hear they are to think it is a horrible bad surgery and you will die. Those people need to meet the many of us who have had surgery and hear we are....happy, healthy, alive! There are tons more good outcomes then bad. What about those who haev heart surgeries???? They are at a higher risk of a bad outcome then gastric bypass but you rarely ever hear about that. There is a risk with any surgery.....even having you tonsils out.....having a baby.....everything carries a risk not just gastric bypass!! I know gastric bypass is "elective" but we choose this because every other options has failed and it is not because we are lazy!!! Hope

This is one of my favorite topics. I actually do not mind the media blitz showing the number of problems that can occur with gastric bypass surgery. Or the friends that are so helpful in providing all the new facts that they have found out about the surgery. The way I respond is to thank them for providing me with additional input. One of the good things about taking so long to schedule the surgery is you get to educate yourself about the surgery and life after the surgery. For many of us that had health problems, although I hear about the surgery being optional, it is a fairly easy decision between having the opportunity to live a much longer, fuller life or to not know or care if you are going to make through the next day. I had many a discussion with my family about my not being with them with or without the surgery, and that my choice was to be proactive and try to turn things around. Luckily for me, the surgery has been a success, but I still was prepared for the worst. There are an enormous number of complicatons that can happen on the table and because of the profile of patients going through gastric bypass surgery I am still in awe that there are not a lot more problems. Lastly, this is the time to strenghten your relationship with family and friends and get them to realize the importance of having them for support. Most of your success will come from within yourself, but a lot will also come from those with whom you share your experience. I'm tired of typing and your probably tired of reading. Your friend, Rob 130

HI DANA~ PLEASE DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHO IS DOUBTING YOUR DECISION! YOU KNEW IN YOUR HEART WHAT YOU WANTED TO DO,AND I KNOW YOU MUST HAVE FELT AT PEACE DOING IT. SO IF PEOPLE OR FREINDS WANT TO COME UP TO YOU AND TELL YOU SOMETHING YOU KNOW YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR,KINDLY TELL THEM YOU DON'T NEED TO HEAR ALL THAT RIGHT NOW....... IT'S FUNNY THAT YOU WROTE THIS BECAUSE A FRIEND JUST CAME UP THE OTHER DAY AND TOLD ME HOW CRAZY I WAS. DANA I LET HER FINISH ALL SHE HAD TO SAY,AND THEN I TOLD HER THAT I DON'T NEED TO HEAR ALL THAAT NEGATIVE RIGHT NOW.I ALSO TOLD HER I FELT AT PEACE ON MY DECISION,AND THATS' THAAT. WELL SHE FELT OUT OF PLACE THEN. SO AS OF NOW I KNOW SHE WON'T BE SAYING ANYTHING ELSE TO ME ABOUT MY LIFES DECISION. GOOD LUCK,AND DON'T ALLOW ANY ONE TO STEAL YOUR JOY! VEE (VM)