"STATE OF CONFUSSION"????

Well I learned yesterday my dh(soon to be Hubby) is not comfortable with the idea of my gastric by surgery decision...He is just soooo scared of the risk involved...Yes he is aware of the risk too with me staying overweight. He saids I think you can do it on your own....BEEN THERE! DONE THAT! ALSO FOUND OUT MY BEST "GIRLFRIEND" IS NOT COMFORTABLE WITH MY DECISION AS WELL. HMMM!!!WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE????ANYONE ELSE HAD THIS CONFUSED STATE OF MIND? NOW I AM "STINKIN" THINKIN and SECOND GUESSING MYSELF.... PLEASE RESPOND HELP..... Shay a/k/a Snuggles

Hi Shay, It is perfectly normal for your loved ones to be scared, my daughter was so scared she even posted on the main message board. As long as you are sure this is what you want, then your loved ones will be supportive, my whole family is scared of what might happen, but I explained what will happen if I don't get this. Have you taken your soon to be hubby to a support group meeting? If you haven't that might be an idea to make him feel more at ease. I hope I helped you. Take care Dana

Hi Shay, Fear is very common with this surgery. My Mother kept asking me to try to diet one more time ..... I refused because I kenw it never worked in the past. I remember about 3 weeks before my surgery my husband telling me had 2 fears about me doing this....1st was I would not make it through the surgery and 2nd was I would leave him for a better looking man. I reassured him I was not leaving as long as he continued to treat me with the respect and love he always has. As for not making it through the surgery I told him that if for some slight chance I didn't then he had to knwo I was doing this to make my life better and to be healthier. A friend of mine who is a nurse did not directly tell me she thought the surgery was wrong but she spoke to my Mother. Well anyone who had fears or problems with me having surgery were wrong. I am almost 6 mths out, down by 101lbs with only 26lbs left to go. I feel great!!! Hope

Thanks for your responses.....

i'm sure your boyfriend and best friend aren't being unkind when they tell you that they don't feel comfortable with you having surgery. i had family memebers who were down right rude about it and coming up with off the wall stuff and rumors. what i asked them was " how can you have such a strong opion about my health when you really don't know anything about wls and have only listened to rumors?" i told them that i would listen to what they had to say ONLY if they researched wls. some did research it and they also changed their views.

Hi Shay, For all those people that have doubts, why not bring them to a support meeting and they can talk to professionals and also to people that have made the decision to have the surgery, and those that have already had the surgery. When i went to my initial consultation, my mother went with me. She was VERY pesemistic(sp?) about my going through with the surgery. After hearing Dr. Wynn explain everything, and having Dr. Wynn answer both of our questions, my mother walked out of the office with a newfound respect and understanding of the procedure. The bottom line is that my mother was listening to a lot of other people who have not done their homework on the surgery, let alone knew what the procedure was all about. Now, she is completely comfortable and very supportive too. Plus, it really has to do with what you are feeling. I know for me that it is the right decision, and i have no regrets. Try not to let others sway you from makign the decision for what best for you. Just remember what Hope posted earlier, as long as it makes you happy and will make you healthier. Good Luck! We are all here for you, and want you to make the right decision for you. Take Care -Joe-

Hi Shay - To answer your question "Where do I go from here?" You go deep inside yourself and find yoru answers and with them, find your strength. If you know surgery is the only way for you, that answer lies within yourself and you have to find it. Once you do, you will have more peace about making this decision for yourself even if others are not comfortable with your choice. I can relate to your post very well. My husband and my mother both wanted me to not have the surgery. And all I wanted was their support. I struggled for a long time with my decision to have surgery without my husband's "consent". It was hard for me to make a life-term decision that he was not on board with. But in the end, I knew I was dying inside as I was and that was no way to live. And in the end, although it was not his decision, my husband was very supportive & was my rock as he always is in really bad times - or whenever I am falling apart. He can be a real pain in the ass otherwise ;) but when I really need him, never fails, he is there. What I had to accept was that I could not "Make" him be okay with my getting the surgery, no matter what I did. I wanted him to be okay with it because then I'd have some validation. But it didn't go that way. The decision rose up out of me anyway and here we are today. Your family loves you and whatever their reasons are, listen to them, consider them, but make your own choice based on what is in your heart and mind. And expect to second guess your decision sometimes, most of us do at some point - we are changing our lives after all - not our shoes. God bless & prayers that you find peace and acceptance. ~Kathy V.