Re:my daughter Christa's post

Hi everyone, Yesterday my daughter Christa Carter made a post on the main message board. Thank you Tammy for your wonderful words of encouragement. Everything that you told her I have told her too. Let me start by saying last April 14, we had a close friend have the surgery, she encouraged both of us to look into it, we did, however I soon found out that Christa was too young. Dr. Wynn only considers 18 and up she will be 17 on Feb 13! When I started my journey, I explained to her that I needed to do this first. Then after I was on the loosing side we could check into her surgery, hoping all along that she would loose weight on her own, without surgery. Just this week she was at the doctors office and was weighed (309) I became a basket case, I wanted to post this problem, and ask for help, but I didn't want to hurt my daughters feelings by making this problem public, but now that she has, I am asking for help....thanks Dana

Dana, I feel for you and your daughter. I myself had the surgery on Sept. 29th, 2003 and it did turn out to be the right choice for me. My fear is my daughter who is only 11 years old weighs 160lbs. I have done everything I can to control her weight or try and talk to her about what it was like for me to grow up obese. I don't want my daughter to feel she can just wait and have the surgery because she is missing out on so much at her young age. (she has a lot of problems with kids teasing her and I know how badly it hurts). All of the local programs for children have extended waiting lists. I don't know what to do myself because I don't want my daughter to think surgery is the easy way out. I can definelty understand your daughter's feelings as I have been over weight since I was about 5 years old. It is tough for us parents to deal with our child's emotions of being "heavy". We want them to feel comfortbale with who they are but in the same respect we know what it is like to be this obese child. It is no fun and kids can be so cruel. I have just recently delt with a problem with my daughter at school with some kids. Fortunately she has a good neighborhood friend who rides the bus with her to help her out. It is so easy to say "let's diet" when it reality we know how difficult it is. All your school mates can eat whatever they want but you can not. I hope your daughter feels better and let her know she is loved no matter what. Hope

this is such a hard thing for parents and children. i have had eating disorders all my life. i have a very big family and all of them weight between 250-400 pounds and they are also very short. when i was growing up other kids and even adults would make comments about my family members. i was normal size when i was little and when i became a teen i was sooooooooo scared about become MO like the rest of my family. i stopped eating.....i stayed very sick for about 4 years, my hair would fall out, i would faint, my skin was awful and my empty stomach was always in pain. it was hell. after 4 years of starving myself i decided it was time to stop(i was lucky i was able to stop). i began just to eat normally.........i gained 70 pounds in about 6 months. my body was so used to not getting food it held on to everything i ate. from that moment on my weight just kept going up and up for 11 years. i because obsessed with food. i have 3 daughters that i worry about becoming MO or having other food disorders. both of my girls are normal weight and one is even alittle under. my husband is 35, 6'8 and weights 220. his whole family is tall and skinny and they can eat ANYTHING they want and not gain a pound(must be nice huh? haha) my oldest daughter is 11 and she takes after my husband's side of the family, but my youngest is 9 and i see her starting to having the same obsession with food(she is normal weight). it's really hard to know what are the right words to say to your child about their eating. you don't want to give them a complex or something...ya know what i mean??? i explained to my girls that being Mo isn't just being "fat", that it's being unhealthy. my youngest is starting to do what i used to do.....if there is pizza she will eat 4 slices not because she is hungry but because it tastes good. i have had to limit her to 2 pieces. i am also very careful that i don't focus all my attention on her but my other daughter as well. my oldest daughter doesn't overeat and makes healthy choices. it's a really fine line. i don't want my youngest daughter to feel bad and i'm very very careful how i word things. i never say you will get fat if you eat that ect....i say it's unhealthy to keep eating when you are already full. when i was your daughters age fitting in with other peers was VERY VERY IMPORTANT. maybe if you look at her eating as a medical problem (like diabetes) instead of a diet it might help some. i focused sooooooooo hard on the word "diet" that i didn't understand that is wasn't about looking good, but becoming healthy. if she thinks of certian foods or amounts of foods as thou they will cause a medical situation(gaining weight) if she eats them maybe that might help. just like someone with diabetes can't have sugar. she can also pack her own lunch. it doesn't have to be a "hardly-anything" lunch, just good food choices. school lunchs are just awful and they are sooooooooo unhealthy. i think at this point it is more important for her to learn to eat normally with normal portions instead of trying to diet. the weight will start to come off the better she eats. i have read from people who have has wls that they don't want their family to be deprived certian foods because they can't eat them anymore. that's just nuts! eating unhealthy foods on a regular basis isn't helping anyone...it's hurting. my kids never eat fried foods, candy, cookies and cakes ect......except for hoilday reasons. they have never complained about it. i have always given them healthy snacks. i have done this all their lives, not just because i had wls. it funny because when they do get candy for easter or something , they only eat a couple pieces and they throw away the rest. that is their choice. i have never told them to do that. they love fruits and popcorn for snacks ect... when your a teen and trying to lose weight , you don't want any of your peers to know. it puts sooooooo much presure on you. you know that people are watching what you eat and how much and to see if you are going to fail. i wish my mother was as understanding as you are right now with your daughters pain. your a great mom! i use dr. miller in seaford 302-629-6854. maybe he does wls on teens. he's a great doctor and had a good team. even if she had wls with another doctor she could still go to the PMRI support meetings. i wish you and your daughter the best of luck!!!! please let us know how it is going.

Most of my sibs are obese. My sister and I are both having WLS (she doesn't post). Of my three children, two struggle with weight -- the other one is not thin, but is "healthy". My 24yr old dtr struggles constantly. My 10yr old son is the one that doesn't seem obsessed with food. My 9yr old son seems to be obsessed with food and I hoping when he sees my habits are improving, that his will too. I have been keeping a lot of fruit and fresh veggies in the house as he is constantly asking for a snack. It is such a big problem that didn't start with us, and sadly it doesn't end with us, either. Good luck to everyone worried about an overweight child. Dianne