Depression, weight gain, possible hernia?
Hey Delaware OH friends,
I haven't been around for quite some time...sorry for that. I haven't even lurked. I've struggled with several issues that I finally feel compelled to seek help with.
Since Summer 2008, I have re-gained 30 pounds. I am up to 188 pounds. I am so full of self-disgust, causing the depression, whch affects everything else in my life. All I have done differently that may have contributed to the gain is snack on Rice Cakes, and I have 40 calorie per slice wheat bread from time to time. I keep it in the freezer and take out one slice at a time, I use it so infrequently. I also Sit. I just plain SIT. At this computer all day, doing absolutely nothing. I'm not working anymore and won't be going back to the Back Bay Cafe: Mark said some really naughty things to my son about me,and when my son brought this to me, i quit on the spot. That was late July and I have done nothing since then.
The marriage is suffering as a result of stress...I have my adult married daughter and all 3 grandkids living here again, 5 extra people. Sarah is taking college clsses and her hubby has just started work with Perdue. I am trying to help them, once again, to get back on their feet. I need to be available to watch the grandkids so their parents can remain in school and keep working. It's their only chance to get it right.
Then there's Ed. He is still clean, sober, and chemical free but he is still the biggest A-Hole to the people he lives with, but is so sickening sweet with his recovery friends and other family. I just want to puke. He treats us all like second class junk yard dogs but if a friend calls or he spends time with them, he is a completely different person. His whole demeanor and tone of voice/body language/facial expressions change instantly---it makes me sick. It just adds to the stress. and I am about *this* close to divorcing him.
Now the possible hernia thing: Since my abdominoplasty in November 2007, my upper belly has poked right out, appears as though theres a stupid basketball in there. It doesnt hurt but gets real tight-ish if I get gassy or after I eat. I can't lay on it...just uncomfortable. I look 7 months pregnant and carrying high or something. Nothing fits right and since the weight gain, I am back to stretch pants. Anything I wear has to either come up over the "basketball belly" or ride on my hips...there's about a 2-3 zize difference. I remember the tearing and ripping feeling I had for weeks while I was healing after the tummy tuck/muscle tightening surgery so I wonder if I have developed a hernia there.
I am just so depressed and distressed and feel out of control. Since I have gained weight, I am back to having more pain in my back and hips and have to take more meds to keep it in check, and that crap does me in. I don't know what to do. I know someone out there will have some helpful advice. Thanks.
I haven't been around for quite some time...sorry for that. I haven't even lurked. I've struggled with several issues that I finally feel compelled to seek help with.
Since Summer 2008, I have re-gained 30 pounds. I am up to 188 pounds. I am so full of self-disgust, causing the depression, whch affects everything else in my life. All I have done differently that may have contributed to the gain is snack on Rice Cakes, and I have 40 calorie per slice wheat bread from time to time. I keep it in the freezer and take out one slice at a time, I use it so infrequently. I also Sit. I just plain SIT. At this computer all day, doing absolutely nothing. I'm not working anymore and won't be going back to the Back Bay Cafe: Mark said some really naughty things to my son about me,and when my son brought this to me, i quit on the spot. That was late July and I have done nothing since then.
The marriage is suffering as a result of stress...I have my adult married daughter and all 3 grandkids living here again, 5 extra people. Sarah is taking college clsses and her hubby has just started work with Perdue. I am trying to help them, once again, to get back on their feet. I need to be available to watch the grandkids so their parents can remain in school and keep working. It's their only chance to get it right.
Then there's Ed. He is still clean, sober, and chemical free but he is still the biggest A-Hole to the people he lives with, but is so sickening sweet with his recovery friends and other family. I just want to puke. He treats us all like second class junk yard dogs but if a friend calls or he spends time with them, he is a completely different person. His whole demeanor and tone of voice/body language/facial expressions change instantly---it makes me sick. It just adds to the stress. and I am about *this* close to divorcing him.
Now the possible hernia thing: Since my abdominoplasty in November 2007, my upper belly has poked right out, appears as though theres a stupid basketball in there. It doesnt hurt but gets real tight-ish if I get gassy or after I eat. I can't lay on it...just uncomfortable. I look 7 months pregnant and carrying high or something. Nothing fits right and since the weight gain, I am back to stretch pants. Anything I wear has to either come up over the "basketball belly" or ride on my hips...there's about a 2-3 zize difference. I remember the tearing and ripping feeling I had for weeks while I was healing after the tummy tuck/muscle tightening surgery so I wonder if I have developed a hernia there.
I am just so depressed and distressed and feel out of control. Since I have gained weight, I am back to having more pain in my back and hips and have to take more meds to keep it in check, and that crap does me in. I don't know what to do. I know someone out there will have some helpful advice. Thanks.
KathyG
Kathy it sounds like you need a big (((HUG)))
Sorry you are going through all of this.
Your husband thing I can so relate to. My father was the same way. Everyone thought he was the best, but he treated his family like **** He was a manic depressant schizophrenic.
You definately need to get your possible hernia checked out.
Can you attend any groups? I think Joanne is holding hers again.
It's good to be with people that understand.
Know we are all here for you!
Take care,
Judy
Sorry you are going through all of this.
Your husband thing I can so relate to. My father was the same way. Everyone thought he was the best, but he treated his family like **** He was a manic depressant schizophrenic.
You definately need to get your possible hernia checked out.
Can you attend any groups? I think Joanne is holding hers again.
It's good to be with people that understand.
Know we are all here for you!
Take care,
Judy
~Believe in Yourself~
Hi Kathy -- I haven't been doing too much posting here, either, basically lurking. I too am depressed because of weight gain. It is a vicious cycle -- when I am not at the office, I am sitting in bed with my laptop just wasting the hours away, when I could be doing productive things like housecleaning (!!!) or exercising on the treadmill (!!!) or . . . who knows. By the time the kids get home from school, we wrestle with homework, get dinner on the table, kids in bathtub and then bed, I am too wiped out to do anything.
And, the finances are keeping me from doing much of anything as well. I have to say -- living in Lower Slower DE this time of year is especially depressing -- no jobs for most people I know . . . everyone is struggling to get by. My own work is tapering off and I am living from day to day wondering if I will get laid off. Too stressful.
Stress = overeating = weight gain = depression for me = emotional eating . . .
I am glad to hear that your daughter and son-in-law are trying so hard. It is not easy to have to come home and live with your parents, been there, done that. Do they qualify for the low-income housing around here?
Tell Ed to quit being such a boob LOL.
Seriously, when my ex was in recovery, he was the same way. It seemed he was much happier to be with his recovery friends and his family, and we were chopped liver -- we still got to see the brunt of his rages, the blame for everything. I think somehow in his mind he equated us as the reason he needed to drink. He needed us to blame rather than accept responsibility for any of his own actions. At least be thankful that Ed is still clean and sober -- my ex relapsed and does not seem to want to change. Such a waste.
It does sound like a hernia -- I have another one, too, but no insurance to cover repair. :-( Just be careful if you move the wrong way and have sharp pains -- with my last hernia my intestines became strangled and it required emergency surgery.
Well, sorry but I haven't been much help, huh? It was good seeing you post again. I haven't been to any Long Neck meetings in ages, don't even know if Joanne is still running them?
-BJ
And, the finances are keeping me from doing much of anything as well. I have to say -- living in Lower Slower DE this time of year is especially depressing -- no jobs for most people I know . . . everyone is struggling to get by. My own work is tapering off and I am living from day to day wondering if I will get laid off. Too stressful.
Stress = overeating = weight gain = depression for me = emotional eating . . .
I am glad to hear that your daughter and son-in-law are trying so hard. It is not easy to have to come home and live with your parents, been there, done that. Do they qualify for the low-income housing around here?
Tell Ed to quit being such a boob LOL.
Seriously, when my ex was in recovery, he was the same way. It seemed he was much happier to be with his recovery friends and his family, and we were chopped liver -- we still got to see the brunt of his rages, the blame for everything. I think somehow in his mind he equated us as the reason he needed to drink. He needed us to blame rather than accept responsibility for any of his own actions. At least be thankful that Ed is still clean and sober -- my ex relapsed and does not seem to want to change. Such a waste.
It does sound like a hernia -- I have another one, too, but no insurance to cover repair. :-( Just be careful if you move the wrong way and have sharp pains -- with my last hernia my intestines became strangled and it required emergency surgery.
Well, sorry but I haven't been much help, huh? It was good seeing you post again. I haven't been to any Long Neck meetings in ages, don't even know if Joanne is still running them?
-BJ
Hi BJ,
Thanks for the reply.
My daughter and I have been walking the dogs every night, which has helped to drop a few pounds but otherwise, I sit here, not unlike you; with the laptop all day. I AM being careful with breads--trying not to eat them. It seems to be what causes me to gain so quick. Just one sandwich and I can gain 3-4 pounds. Crazy stuff.
The Lexapro seems to help some but it makes me sleepy. I guess that's ok since I don't have good sleep habits, so at least I am sleeping more, just not very many hours at once.
The kids don't qualify...well they might but the waiting lists are like, 2 years long for low income housing. They messed up so bad when they first came out here that I don't know if they can ever get another rental. All I know is I can't keep them forever but will see them through while Sarah finishes her college classes. At least they are trying.
As far as Ed is concerned, he's been a jerk like that for as long as I have known him. So you might be asking why I married him. At the time, Misery Loved Company. He didn't start using until 4 years ago, when we moved out here from Michigan. Not habitually anyhow. He just has a different personality at home than he does with his friends or family outside of us here. I know he can be decent to people, just getting him to reverse his ways and treat US as well as he does his friends....it's a battle around here every day. I can see him trying but it's a weak effort. He's just plain rude most of the time.
My belly doesn't hurt when I move or give me any pain, which tells me it's probably where I am putting all the weight gain. It just looks funny, like a basketball is in there. I can't lay on mu tummy at all...feels like a rock in there.
Anyways, since I posted this, I've dropped 5 pounds so I am encouraged for the moment. I hope you can get it together...will keep you in my prayers.
Thanks for the reply.
My daughter and I have been walking the dogs every night, which has helped to drop a few pounds but otherwise, I sit here, not unlike you; with the laptop all day. I AM being careful with breads--trying not to eat them. It seems to be what causes me to gain so quick. Just one sandwich and I can gain 3-4 pounds. Crazy stuff.
The Lexapro seems to help some but it makes me sleepy. I guess that's ok since I don't have good sleep habits, so at least I am sleeping more, just not very many hours at once.
The kids don't qualify...well they might but the waiting lists are like, 2 years long for low income housing. They messed up so bad when they first came out here that I don't know if they can ever get another rental. All I know is I can't keep them forever but will see them through while Sarah finishes her college classes. At least they are trying.
As far as Ed is concerned, he's been a jerk like that for as long as I have known him. So you might be asking why I married him. At the time, Misery Loved Company. He didn't start using until 4 years ago, when we moved out here from Michigan. Not habitually anyhow. He just has a different personality at home than he does with his friends or family outside of us here. I know he can be decent to people, just getting him to reverse his ways and treat US as well as he does his friends....it's a battle around here every day. I can see him trying but it's a weak effort. He's just plain rude most of the time.
My belly doesn't hurt when I move or give me any pain, which tells me it's probably where I am putting all the weight gain. It just looks funny, like a basketball is in there. I can't lay on mu tummy at all...feels like a rock in there.
Anyways, since I posted this, I've dropped 5 pounds so I am encouraged for the moment. I hope you can get it together...will keep you in my prayers.
KathyG
Hi Kathy, I'm a Kathy too.
I just to tell you an abbreviated version of my story.
Moved here 4 yrs ago to escape the high NJ property taxes with my husband and 2 small kids.
My husband could not find a job, so he went the self-employed route. Thank God we had made a good profit on our last house. Four years later he's still self-employed which might sound like a good thing but if you're not from here you can forget it. We tried to sell our house a year and a half ago but no bites due to the mkt. We can't try to sell again because we wouldn't walk away with anything and then how do you move again. I guess a house rental would be our only choice...but only if they don't examine our credit history and discover our late mortgage payments. On top of that, in January, my husband told me he didn't love me when I asked him if he did and said oh so more than that (the blame game), spinning me into a nervous breakdown. Since, I have been in therapy every other week and I'm on an antidepressant. I didn't realize one person could have such power over your feelings and general mental health. I'm a stay at home mom with not a heck of a lot of options. Divorce is not practical. We get along okay, but, of course I'm still devasted. I spend 3-4 hrs a day looking for a job or doing some stay at home work I recently got involved in that I'm actually enjoying a little...and it keeps me busy and focused.
So, I know about depression. As far as weight, I'm 35 lbs over. Depression really takes control of your eating habits..and you probably want to lay down a lot right? Two pieces of advice -move when you can, even if it's cleaning, take a multivitamin (with B Complex for energy) for your age group, and check this out (http://whywearefatandhowtoloseweight.blogspot.com).
Good luck,
Kathy
I just to tell you an abbreviated version of my story.
Moved here 4 yrs ago to escape the high NJ property taxes with my husband and 2 small kids.
My husband could not find a job, so he went the self-employed route. Thank God we had made a good profit on our last house. Four years later he's still self-employed which might sound like a good thing but if you're not from here you can forget it. We tried to sell our house a year and a half ago but no bites due to the mkt. We can't try to sell again because we wouldn't walk away with anything and then how do you move again. I guess a house rental would be our only choice...but only if they don't examine our credit history and discover our late mortgage payments. On top of that, in January, my husband told me he didn't love me when I asked him if he did and said oh so more than that (the blame game), spinning me into a nervous breakdown. Since, I have been in therapy every other week and I'm on an antidepressant. I didn't realize one person could have such power over your feelings and general mental health. I'm a stay at home mom with not a heck of a lot of options. Divorce is not practical. We get along okay, but, of course I'm still devasted. I spend 3-4 hrs a day looking for a job or doing some stay at home work I recently got involved in that I'm actually enjoying a little...and it keeps me busy and focused.
So, I know about depression. As far as weight, I'm 35 lbs over. Depression really takes control of your eating habits..and you probably want to lay down a lot right? Two pieces of advice -move when you can, even if it's cleaning, take a multivitamin (with B Complex for energy) for your age group, and check this out (http://whywearefatandhowtoloseweight.blogspot.com).
Good luck,
Kathy
To Kathy and anyone else who finds themselves in this desparate situation:
I feel you pain and I just want you know that there is a way out. It's not in a bottle, a medicine, or a person on earth, but it is in a Savior and His name is Jesus. You sound like you are under an attack....being oppressed by the enemy of your soul. If you let Jesus into your heart He will give you peace. If you ask Him to take away the burden and the pain...He will do it. You may be required to give up some of the people that you are closest to or the house; you may be required to stop striving in and of yourself; you will have to stop depending on resources that you've become accustomed to thinking that this is the only way. The good news is this...Jesus will take away your yoke and He will never let you down if you put your trust and your HOPE in Him.
I'm praying for you to be relieved. I'm praying that the light and love of God will overtake you in a way that you've never experienced and that you'd be healed of every infirmity that has attempted to overtake you. From the top of your head to the sole of your feet...inside and out....I pray strength, hope, and peace for your being. You be blessed and you be encouraged!
I feel you pain and I just want you know that there is a way out. It's not in a bottle, a medicine, or a person on earth, but it is in a Savior and His name is Jesus. You sound like you are under an attack....being oppressed by the enemy of your soul. If you let Jesus into your heart He will give you peace. If you ask Him to take away the burden and the pain...He will do it. You may be required to give up some of the people that you are closest to or the house; you may be required to stop striving in and of yourself; you will have to stop depending on resources that you've become accustomed to thinking that this is the only way. The good news is this...Jesus will take away your yoke and He will never let you down if you put your trust and your HOPE in Him.
I'm praying for you to be relieved. I'm praying that the light and love of God will overtake you in a way that you've never experienced and that you'd be healed of every infirmity that has attempted to overtake you. From the top of your head to the sole of your feet...inside and out....I pray strength, hope, and peace for your being. You be blessed and you be encouraged!
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