fear or what

i make any excuse not to do anything.  from too windy to what ever. 

i am scared of what could be.   i know i would be happier but. 
i set myself up to fail time and time again.   as if i really like being miserable.
i have it in my mind it is too hard.  but find it is harder overall to stay. if i stay here i will be unhappy w myself.  i know i really want something else.  but i am afraid. 
this may make sense to others. -makes absolute sense to me. 

i gotta push past the fear  i have allowed in. 
i have to stop relying on others for my happiness. waiting at home for some one (male) to call me or get around to come over is not working.  later i feel  i have wasted a day.  and i have.  later, i get upset w myself for waiting. 
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7f_HsjpSVaI)

the doc has told me not to take Advil types of meds.  i understand his point of view.  my point of view is my body hurts.

Great post Cecilia.

I also find myself sometimes paralyzed by not only a fear of failure, but a fear of success as well. And I am working  very hard right now on creating my own happiness instead of basing my day's "success" on other people's actions and opinions. It is tough.

I really regret not instituting a better food and exercise regimen when I was a brand-new post-op, because it sure is hard now to get a routine going now at almost five years out. My current "excuse" to not exercise is weather-related . . . too cold . . . but you know what, in another few weeks it will be too hot LOL.

The best motivator is watching that scale move in the downward direction, period.

I started to buckle down on Thursday of last week foodwise -- went out and bought Lean Cuisines, fresh vegetables, protein-rich snacks, etc. Thursday/Friday/Saturday were good days, but I wound up snacking each night and blowing my progress for the day.

Since Sunday, though, I've been on track with no cheating foodwise, and the scale is showing a 5-lb loss. Now that momentum has started it is a bit easier for me to say no to stress-eating.

As far as the Advil goes . . . they say that NSAID-type pain relievers can irritate your stomach lining, and perhaps cause ulcers. I have fibromyalgia and occasionally need to take something for pain, but I've had no problems with anything containing ibuprofen. Then again, I'm not taking it on a daily/regular basis, either . . .

-BJ