where have i been?

My posting is to update y’all.  I am fine.  Things in my life are working out –SLOWLY.  I am working again.  The job is casual and there is no real stress as in deadlines, clients or phones.  I sit in a cubicle.  No windows.  I do listen to music.  I get up every 60-90 minutes.  I take frequent eye breaks.  I eat lunch at my desk. 

I don’t exercise for various reasons: money, summer heat, motivation and time. 

I eat what I want but am prone to give it back quite often now.  If I eat while in hurry, too hungry or not paying attention- here it comes back. 

I wi**** was described what hunger would feel like.  I wi**** was described what TOO MUCH would have felt like.  Most times, I feel like I am a balloon.  I watch my salt/sodium intake. 

I drink Propel, water, water, most sugar free flavors to add to water. 

I take vitamins B (complex), C, E and a multi.  I do take prescription drugs (for depression & anxiety) but have been able to reduce their dosage.  (yeah)

I drink coffee about 12-16 oz in the morning.  No soda. 

7.30 – 8.00 Breakfast is usually instant oatmeal in a package (at my desk) I eat the whole thing.  Takes me about 5 minutes to eat.  The texture is drinkable. 

8.30, 9.15, 10, 10.30, 11, and 11.20: I munch the morning with Ka****LC bars, reduced fat pb w choc protein powder or raisins. 

Noon: Lunch is a frozen meal like Lean Cuisines anything.  I usually down that in a matter of a few minutes since I think I am hungry. 

Afternoons are difficult.  Every 30 minutes or so ****ep a log of times): I eat.  I want to fall asleep and have fallen asleep (at work).  I eat cottage cheese 2% about a half cup w frozen fruit  about a cup – sprinkled w splenda.  Gone in about 5-10 minutes.  Within an hour, I am eating again- a Ka****LC bar or munching on reduced fat pb w choc protein powder (not measured).  “My treat” is a package of 2 pop tarts from the vending machine.

After work is chaos.  I have no schedule, routine-nothing.  Dinner is whenever.  It is whatever.  I go over my bf’s house, we visit his friends; go riding my new Harley or veg.  If I go home, I have the 4 dogs to tend to and usual housework.  I sit still about 7.30 – 8.00.  I have snack of ice cream or reduced fat pb w choc protein powder w choc chips. 

Bedtime is about 10 ish.  I am usually exhausted.  My sleep is interrupted by my 4 dogs and visits to the bathroom (once or two a nite).  If I spend the nite at bf, I sleep w ear plugs since his place is near I495 – noisy.  Plus his bed is harder than mine. 

The unspeakable subject of bowels is normal and frequent according to Dr. Oz.

I have not lost any weight in months.  I have not gained any weight either.    

I am sure many of you will have comments/suggestions about my eating and other things.  Believe me – I would.  I am open to hear them.  I have come so far but have stopped.  At times, I think it is fear.  Too much work.  I gave up.  Yes, I am on meds for depression & anxiety. 

I will mention my bf had a RNY about 8 yrs ago.  

Will be reading.

Love to all