it's Been So Long Since I've Posted......Info From Post Ops..pls

Hello Everyone, It's me, Hope. It has been so long since I have posted but I want each of you to know I think about many of you regularly! For those who don't know me, I am post op for 3.5 years and been at goal weight of 140lbs for 2 yrs plus have had plastic surgery done. Now my question is kind of going to get personal for you but I need some advice or maybe a story closely relating to mine. Okay I have been married for 15 years to a great man, he was there through thick and thin....literally! I hav been working at this deli for 3 yrs and of course we get a lot of regular customers and do some flirting. Well about a year ago this guy came into the store and now comes in almost each day. Of course we all joke with him and flirt and what not. Well I could tell from his eyes and I'm sure he saw it in my eyes that there was kind of an interest there. He's been married for 20 years and is 9 yrs older then me. Anyway to make a long story short I was leaving the deli for another job (which only lasted 2 weeks and then I went back to the deli), my co-worker gave him a piece of paper with my cell # on it. (I did not make her stop either). Well he started calling me once in awhile and then I called him back. We met once at a Park and talked. Then my 1st day back to the deli he laughed to see me there again (oh, my mom works with me too and likes this guy as a person). So on my 1st day back to the deli he called me when it was time for me to leave (no mom was not around) and wanted me to meet him where his truck was parked in a yard while waiting for a repair. I did. Things got a little heated between us but No we did not go all the way. But we talk of other plans and stuff. Okay being over weight all my life I never had a man attracted to me and actually think I was "sexy". My husband tells me I look good but not the way I want to be told. I have no intention of leaving my husband as he has no attention of leaving his wife. I know it is morally wrong but I am not satisfied should I dare say it, sexually to my husband. I feel like I want to experiment what I may have lost with being obese most of my life. Does anyone relate or have any info for me????? Hope

I would seek a counselor and try to talk things out with your husband, maybe even check about marital counseling. Definately break off the connection with the other man as well. Those are my .02 cents. Al

You're treading on dangerous ground here. I'm in complete agreement with Al. Counseling for both you and your husband is in order RIGHT NOW! You say your hubby is great and has been with you thru thick and thin. Show him some respect and honor the vows you made before friends and family and break it off with the other guy now. Ask yourself if the momentary high you get from being attractive to another man is worth your marriage and self respect. "My husband tells me I look good but not the way I want to be told." Have you told your husband that this is how you feel? If not, you might want to start right there. Remember, he was with you when you were fat, he loved you then, and I'm betting that he loves you now that you're thin. More than one marriage has suffered at the hands of the "I'm making of for lost time" monster. And another warning, this post you've put here can be used against you in a divorce. You'd be amazed at that an investigator can dig up about you on the internet. Good Luck with this!

Hi Hope, Difficult place you are in. Its funny how we change with this surgery, our perspectives on life change although we say we haven't changed. Its a hard thing, enjoying the attention that something new brings and dealing with the same ole same ole. Same ole has been very reliable. New brings excitement and I think its something our "fat" selves had very little of and its makes it more desirable. Do we dare and jump into the new stuff - only if we are going to get rid of ole stuff. Too much stuff is not good for anyone. The therapy session might not be bad, but dialog with husband should start first. First figure what does this new stuff do for you......then talk to hubby and see if he can supply that for you....explain that you need and want these things. If he cannot supply them for you then what are you doing in relationship? Our obese selves showed us how to settle...because as "fat" people we did not think that we were deserving of wanting or needing certain attentions. Well now we are close to normal and we want those things. I wish you the best with your situation. I am sure you will be able to execute the path to happiness. You did the surgery, it was your first step. All I can say is put one foot in front of the other and move towards the life you deserve for yourself. We all should be doing that. Debbie