OT - Deep Thoughts

Let me scare you off with some deep thoughts from G. This morning on the way to the park and ride I got stopped at Rt 4 and 72. A pedestrian was struck and killed at that intersection this morning. I was unable to go to the park and ride I usually go to. So after sitting at that light looking at the body of this gentleman on the ground.... I was able to make a left and park in the park and ride that is at that intersection. Now I find myself standing on the side of the road waiting for the bus, looking at the body of this man. A man, I understand, that was waiting with suitcase in hand for his fiancé to pick him up. Perspective. I can't seem to concentrate on work right now. Suddenly all this work and hurriedness and stress of this project just don't mean a thing to me. Oh, it will again soon (for it has to) but right now I have to question why I place so much importance on this part of my life and not necessarily place the same importance on things in my life outside of work. Am I the person I need to be? No. How can I be when more of my life revolves around work? Can I touch people at work with how I live my life and my work principles? Absolutely. But I tend to be all business at work. Am I doing all I can in my life outside of work to better myself and those areas of life that I touch? No. I can honestly say that at one point in my life work was work (and I still did a great job) but outside of work I tried to make a difference. I lost part of that somewhere. I lost my perspective on life and the meaning of life that I once lived out. Was it when I moved to Delaware? Probably, for I just never got involved with the community and other areas of life in a manner in which I was involved in the south. As I sit and reflect on this morning, I realize I miss that. And now I sit and ponder how I get involved here in this area. How I once again make a difference in my life and to those around me. How I once again involve myself in ways that will help me grow as a person. Some of this thinking started days ago when I watched the movie Tuesdays with Morrie. This morning solidified the fact that I am missing out. Perceptions. Yesterday a gentleman here at work was getting out of the elevator, saw me coming and backed up to hold the elevator for me before it took off. When I thanked him he said no problem, I know you are always in a hurry. Am I? I must be if I give off that perception. What is the hurry? Will life pass me by? Will projects at work get up and walk off and leave me behind if I am not rushing and running around like a chicken with my head cut off? Changes. In the south my home was always open to my friends. Oh trust me, it's open now to the "kids" (my son and about 20 of his friends). But... When was the last time I invited my friends over? Sat with them? Enjoyed their company? Gave them my time. Listened to them? Just let them talk. How many times have I thought about inviting them over yet decided I was too busy to do so? Too many times. When did I allow myself to get so busy that I gave up things I enjoy? Cooking for friends, entertaining them, giving them a shoulder, actually knowing them well enough to know and remember what is going on in their lives? When did I become so busy that I forgot what it is like to actually be a friend and not just an acquaintance? And how can I change this? Part of me says I can't because my friends are just as busy as I am. No one seems to have time for anyone anymore. But then I realize that is just a cop-out. Change in me, starts with me. So dear friends. Expect to see some changes in G. They may be slow, but they are coming. It will take one bite at a time, and it may take weeks/months, but I can eat an elephant! (think about that one). G

G, I luff you!!!!! This was the most amazing post! I would be proud to call you friend!

Hey G, I have not seen you post in awhile, but this post boy can I relate so many things to that. I know I need to change, my marriage is real rough right now so I have alot of things going on. But thanks for that insight.. Christie

Wooooooooooooooow...did you make me stop and think. Thanks, I am finding that I need to make some changes and fit in more time for family and friends. I started working at a new school this year and I am trying to get to know the lovely people there but maintain relationships with the people from my past and I am finding it hard to have time to do both of those, exercise, go to support groups and still have time for everything else that needs to be done. I think some readjusting of schedules need to be done. That being said...when can we get together and get our tosies done. I am trying to wait for you, but mine need help sooooooooooooon! Love Ya, Ellen

Yes they are deep thoughts....Ones we need to have with ourselves from time to time but we don't. Nice to see you put them down in writing. Are you feeling a bit more sane now? I know when I do that I feel a whole lot better. My thoughts have been about me.....how can I get me to just love me and be okay. Thanks to Rob I am back at the gym giving it my all and even branching out to other things there....started some running. Its slow but working and maybe doable in longer timeframes after a bit. My job is coming along. I want to be the best I can be...I am frustrated with their ways because it seems so backwards but its their way and I do have to learn to do it that way. I want to do more...I want to get into more of proposals and customer market....In the position I am in right now its not possible but I can get a mentor and work with them....who knows in another year or so I will be ready to go....my boss thinks I am ready to go now. He is the greatest boss there is....today he let me come in the office just to whine about the mail system they have there.....I told him I bought the wine he could at least have some cheese for me! Its good. I have made a few friends that really can see I do know that business quite well. I think I was missing the business of aerospace. I actually feel whole now. They want me to continue education and they will pay for it. I want to do it. I can't believe this is happening to me and the best part is I still do things that I like to do. There is a balance. Yes I have to say I feel balanced. I think that is a place I really never knew....I would throw myself into the job....or into food or something else. It was always an all or nothing type of thing. But since the surgery I have seen other things.....also with Gram's passing I have more me time. I had to focus on her because her life was coming to an end and she needed someone there to help her full time. And you know what I didn't mind it too much. I did moarn my me time. But the important thing was I was with her. To the very end. Its a time in my life that I will never forget. Not many people can make a difference in someone's life that way. You need to look inside yourself and find what your passion is to exist with a happier life. Things just seem to fall into place for me...I just can't tell how it happened but I am very glad it did. Do a little slowing down at work....Projects are good but you can't save the Bank.....there are others on the team that can do things too! Remember Team Work keeps you sane....let someone else help out with things and take time to smell the roses! Debbie

Sorry I couldn't post earlier but my computer is on the blink at home. Sometimes I am trying at 42 to figure out what my purpose is in life. I am so used to living so fast and forgetting about the things that truly make life meaningful. I have this dream of one day starting a program to help young women to reach their full potential and to avoid the pitfuls of drugs, violence and teen pregnancy which plagues so many young women today. I always try to encourage my children to strive hard to be successful but I think I need to tell them not to forget to smell the roses and to take time to build meaningful relationships with others. When my 15 year old told me there are several teens in her school who have already had children or are pregnant it pained my heart. So many people need help and there is not enough help out there for many of them. That is why I hope to one day be able to live my dream of helping these young women who many time don't have a support system or just need more than they are getting at home. we as adults sometimes feel this way so we should understand that young people sometimes have more emotional needs than we think they do. I lost a 25 year old cousin to a senseless murder in September in Wilmington so I know that spending time with those you care about has to have a place of importance in your life. Thanks for the eye opener G. Prycey Lady RNY 2/2/06