Hanging in There

I am having a very hard time with the hoidays. Part of the reason is that I hit "rock bottom" about this time last year during Christmas. Dave

Hi Dave, If you need anything at all, please don't hesitate to call, email, or come on in for a swim. ;) Sincerely, Tammy

If I am quieter now in person it is because everything is so new now. Everything is like a raw nerve. It is very much like baby steps, and I think more than anything it is about learning to trust myself. Having a sense of humor helps... right now it is the amusement that I am not bottoming out (scraping) the car on my driveway anymore since I lost weight. Is is so much easier to hide, and weight was the second thing I used to do that. Wearing glasses was the first thing- some of you know what I mean. I remeber the first day I wore contacts and felt exposed, and this feels a bit like that now. (I had Lasik in 1997, so no more contacts either). Dave

Hi Dave, Time to help to get you out of the dumps since you're always SO supportive to everyone all year round! Anniversaries of times in our lives can be very hard. Can you try to think of an anniversary where it was a pleasant experience??? How about the day you took that great new picture that's on your posts?? That's an anniversary to be very proud of! You're one handsome guy! The anniversary of deciding to have this surgery and to change your life for the better is a great one too! I too get into the dumps and have depression at times and it's very hard to dig ourselves out of ourselves. I tend to sleep off my moods...some say it's an escape, I call it rejuvenating! Triggers that flash us back to some harder times in our lives are tough on us, especially during a time of the year when we're supposed to be so FULL of spirit and glee and joy. I guess we need to get to a meeting, post (like you've done) and seek support from those that have been there and/or are experiencing the same feelings. I should be shouting with joy and salutation this year because since my surgery in Sept, I'm down over 70 pounds already and people are really starting to notice....but when it comes to spirit of the season, I've got NONE. I put up the tree...and that's about it. I've got the Santa presents wrapped, but did no special decorating outside like I usually do and have not done anything special with my kids. Maybe I'm in shock over losing so quickly...maybe I'm lazy (probably)...maybe just dealing with it all...I don't know...but it's definately a mood/emotion that I'm feeling and need to eventually get over. I"m not beating myself up...I'm not going to do that to myself any longer...I did it for way too long...my life is changed now and I've got to keep it that way. So what that the tree is the only thing I could get myself to do this year? Who makes the damm rules anyways??? ME, that's who and I say that's all I'm doing this year.! So, try to pick yourself u*****t, and eventually get back on track and do what you've been doing..ok? Try not to beat yourself up too much, and let yourself mourn that episode of hitting bottom last year....Maybe you've not let yourself mourn and grieve your old way of life and need to. Take care and hang in there...happy holidays. paula

I think I have the ability to be both lazy and a workoholic at the same time, and at least when I am busy with night school I don't have time to think too much. I am generally fine when I have something or someone to look forward to, and I just don't feel that right now with family and the holidays. I wish I could see the positive side of it, but right now all I see is judgment, obligation, and the invisibility I felt last year. This is probably all short-term stuff; if you asked me in another day I might feel different. I am getting weirded out by people a bit now, too. I went to the mall Sunday and felt that people (even in passing) were reacting differently. The brutal truth is that there are many people who would rather die than go through what we have gone through, and I do understand the emotions. I am too much of a fighter to give up on this. Dave

Hey Dave, As you know, I have been exactly where you are right now. This whole process has truly been a rollercoaster emotionally. Right now, at this moment, I'm climbing a hill. You know that over the past few weeks I've been on a rapid descent. I can tell you that you will have valleys and peaks...and the holidays are especially rough in many different ways. I can SO relate to your issues with how people look at, treat and react to you differently. I am still stuggling with that. The emotional component for me has been so much more difficult than the physical. Just know that you're not alone...we're all here for you! Debbi

Despite a few bad days, luckily I am a closet optimist. What I mean is that I still have a shred of hope that things will get better in life, and this has only very little to do with the weight loss. Dave

I think I am hearing this a lot lately on this board- this is a tough time of year for many people- not just us. The truth is this time of year really sucks for many people. Hold onto your accomplishments- and how far you have come. Look forward to the new year as a NEW year- with all sorts of new experiences. I understand about the glasses- you can always resort to sunglasses and a trench coat- it will make you mysterious. Or get you arrested for suspicion of being a pervert. Let go of the past and whatever makes you want to hide- it's going to hold you back. Remember- when you build a wall around yourself for protection- it keeps others out but it also keeps YOU in. You have a lot of great qualities, I have seen them displayed here on the board in the posts and at the support group meetings.

I think glasses and a trench coat would make me - weird. Thanks for the compliments. Dave

Dave, Boy do I hear you...... THis is a hard time of the year..... YOu have expressed what I feel as well... Just hang in there...Like Deb said, this is like a roller coaster ride, You'll be going back up again soon... Hang in there brother, Love, Dorota